Family before love
by wild4rose7cool
Summary: Awarded second in 2009 AFFA! When Mikey and Don get caught doing things that obliterate the line between siblings and lovers things quickly escalate into a situation far more complicated than any of them could have ever imagined.R/L, M/D Turtlecest
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love) and incest (or _**turtlecest**__)_. NC-17. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Family before love:

In general the day had been relatively normal.

The sky was blue, the sun had crept up and turned the horizon a calm butter-orange, humans began their daily hustle and bustle accompanied by the rising orb and if one listened _really_ hard the occasional sound of birds twittering could be heard from New York's underground sewers.

In general their day had begun relatively normally.

Leonardo had been the first awake as usual, walking peacefully into the dojo for a few stretches before breakfast. Master Splinter had risen soon after to make tea for himself and his eldest, the sweet watery scent signifying the initiation of their normal morning ritual.

Donatello was next to rise, stumbling in and slumping over the benches where their Sensei was minding the kettle to instead brew some strong wake-up coffee for himself.

The second the purple-masked turtle yawned they all knew he had been working the usual late night in his lab.

The three family members conversed lightly over the kitchen table waiting for the next arrivals.

The only variable in their morning routines was whether Michelangelo or Raphael became the last to rise out of bed. More often than not the loud grumbling of Michelangelo's stomach meant that Raphael was the last to waltz in with a tired yawn or occasional hangover (though he usually hid those mornings well).

After breakfast the day drifted by leisurely.

The afternoon had been carried out in a normal fashion.

As the hours drifted by they all set out doing their usual daily routines. No drama, nothing special going on, no battle to save the world.

They weren't being attacked by whacked out bad guys, the foot ninja were laying low for the moment and the Shredder was long gone. Renet wasn't randomly transporting them all over time and space, Usagi and Genosuke weren't visiting or popping in from their universe, Bishop wasn't drugging or trying to dissect them and Karai was being quiet in her activities.

The skies had been relatively silent. No invasions, no utroms appearing, no mutant outbreaks. The ancient one and the ninja tribunal were all safely in Japan, they hadn't seen the other acolytes in a while but that was ok, they knew they were all safe and enjoying their lives.

All of them just hung around the lair doing normal things.

Following the normality of their day Leonardo was again first to retreat from the kitchen table after they all sat down for lunch, consummating his usual routine.

Training and meditation with Master Splinter, spending some quality video game time with Michelangelo after the youngest carved away all his resistance with profuse begging, helping out Donatello in his lab on one of the projects he'd been working on and spending some time with Raphael sparring and listening to the adventures him and Casey had had the previous night, trying not to sound too disapproving.

Donatello was next to up and leave after lunch.

He assumed that he was lucky to get some peace and quiet for project work after he thanked Leonardo for promising some more help with the current experiment he'd engaged himself with.

It was one of those nice non-eventful days where a temporary harmony had descended over their humble sewer. It seemed fate and destiny had left them alone to just live life normally for once.

Michelangelo was happy and content playing his games and reading comics, Raphael and Leonardo weren't fighting or arguing, they actually seemed to be growing a lot closer than normal and even though the scientist inside Donatello, who had also noticed their brother's closeness desperately wanted to know _why,_ he didn't want to accidently break whatever thin level of happiness the two had reached with each other.

In general the day had been actually _better_ than normal.

Normally Donatello was lucky if he didn't have at least a dozen interruptions from Michelangelo, Leonardo breaking his concentration by checking up on him and Raphael barging in and grunting about how he needed multiple things about his shell cycle to be fixed.

In fact, the peace that had settled over the lair was more strange than normal. Suddenly their home was like a peaceful utopia for them to live; content and fulfilling, like they needed nothing more than what they'd already received in life.

He could almost feel luck hovering around him, casting him into a seemingly unbreakable state of productiveness and peace.

To put it simply, it was amazing.

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Things just kept getting better.

Raph and Leo were putting on their gear in the room next to them as the clock struck 9 o'clock preparing for a casual patrol. Master Splinter was also out, announcing he was going topside on a rare trip proclaimed as "business". (Although the old rat tried to ninja it into the shadows and hide it from their sneaky eyes and sharp ears, they all knew that he was really sneaking around the dump to try and scavenge some new Gilmore Girls episodes he'd been craving after the network took it off the air).

Donnie almost couldn't believe it; days like this only came like, once in a lifetime!

The greatness of the day suddenly multiplied up the scale of awesomeness as rare conditions lined up that left him and Michelangelo alone in the lair together.

... it might've been one of his best days he'd ever spent in the lair together with his family...

Their entire family was nowhere to be seen, out of sight, leaving him and Mike completely alone.

If Donatello knew Raph, Leo and Casey _at all_, it was almost guaranteed that they'd be out for most of the night sneaking up on purple dragons and keeping a lookout for petty crime. None of them were going to return until _much_ later on.

Donatello sighed and chuckled as Michelangelo looked up at him with his liquid eyes, grinning cheekily.

It was one of those rare moments they got to spend time with each other alone.

Feeling his body warm, a nice fuzziness melt his emotions into purely base ones, the ones that science sometimes failed to justify, he chuckled at the fun-loving turtle next to him.

Donnie pulled Michelangelo closer to his body, placing an arm around his shoulder where it felt completely natural to be and butted him on the head.

Michelangelo melded his body into his brother's warm one, ignoring the television in front of him for once in his life and pressing them together, one hand resting gently on his own upper chest plate where his heart was.

Don wasn't really sure where his own feelings came from (much to his inner scientist's despair) or where had they spawned. Even though he tried everything to either ignore them or figure them out into some sort of equation to "cure", he came up empty handed every single time.

He didn't know what caused them; he didn't know what made Michelangelo _**the one**_.

He still found not knowing incredibly frustrating.

Michelangelo was funny and carefree and a goofball. Those were all features that he found attractive.

Not that Leonardo and Raphael weren't _attractive_ in their own ways...Raphael was strong, loyal, protective and a big softie on the inside. Leonardo was caring, balanced, responsible and had a striking look whenever he was acting in his natural leadership position.

But there was _something_, which made Michelangelo, their youngest, the orange ninja, the turtle graced with the ice kissed eyes stand out.

He wasn't exactly sure when Mikey had begun looking more attractive than a normal brother should.

Donatello remembered that the feelings had arose somewhere in the time that Leo had been away in Central America. He knew that it had been during the time Raphael was splashing out as a rebel, dubbing himself as the Nightwatcher.

It had been during that time when Mikey and he had been the closest out of all of their brothers that somehow his perspective of his brother had changed.

During that period he remembered feeling alone, remembered Raph always being either asleep or drowning his hurt feelings in booze and violence, remembered their family was falling apart without Leo, remembered Master Splinter was obsessing over television and trying to ignore the pain of 3 sons and remembered himself throwing his frustrations into IT tech work just to get away from all those things.

Somewhere between the never ending days of annoyance and emptiness he found that despite what was going on and how badly they were all praying that Leonardo would grace them with his presence again, he found happiness whenever he was around Michelangelo.

It was a shock to realise he'd been relying on Mikey as much as Mike had been relying on him to get through the days after one particularly stressful client had finally snapped him.

Things started to hurt after that as new feelings brewed in his stomach for his little brother while his eldest brother stayed away.

A hand on a shoulder, a joke into his ear, a cheesy prank even. It meant that perhaps Michelangelo was thinking about him as much as he'd been yearning for his younger brother.

And after another particularly stressful day, after he was past the point of venting his frustrations on Raphael's punching bag or screaming at ignorant customers, after he was at the point where anything could have set him off screaming at the intensity of simmering feelings inside of him it all finally snapped.

In a coffee induced rambling, incoherent rant he made the best decision he'd ever made in his life.

And it all lead back to him, sitting there with Michelangelo, foreheads pressed together and Michelangelo's hand pressed over his own heart.

Donatello might tease him later for reading too many mushy, romantic comic books and seeing too many 'damsel in distress' movies but at the moment._.._there was nothing more he needed in life.

Well except some new gadgets and schematics of the upgraded-

_.............._

- that was what his thoughts were reduced to as his younger brother closed the gap between them.

It was of course unfortunate that, as a ninja, it was never safe to assume anything...not even a moment of rare peace.

Lady luck decided it was time for him to pay for her generosity.

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"Easy there Case'"

Casey let out a soft moan as he was gently deposited onto his and April's sofa.

He totally would have glared if his arm wasn't killing so much.

Of course Raphael just _haaaaaad_ to rub it in his face...

_Oh for the love of-_

Now Leo was laughing in the background, joining in with Raphael's smug snickers.

Yeah, that didn't exactly help his glowering mood either.

He raised his chin indignantly, snorting at them.

Not _everyone_ could be trained as a lethal killer in the art of ninjistu like a certain group of turtles he knew!

"Just stay still while April gets the first aid kit, ok Casey?" Leo said smiling down at him as the man managed to shoot him and Raph a very pissed off glare.

"Yeah _suuuuure_ Leo, I'll just relax while my arm bleeds all over my own couch!"

April trudged in looking exasperated, half-annoyed and half-concerned, her arms full of first aid supplies and blankets.

"What happened this time?" she asked looking towards the two turtles who were still grinning down at her boyfriend smugly, not even flinching as Casey let out an over-exaggerated moan of pain.

"Hehe, not much Ape'. Casey just wasn't quick enough ta avoid some punk kid with a knife that was comin' straight at him" Raphael supplied punching the injured man on the shoulder for emphasis.

"_Ow!_"

They ignored him.

April sighed placing her hand on her forehead like she already had a headache from just _thinking_ about her idiotic boyfriend and his reckless vigilantism.

"Thanks for bringing him home guys, and sorry that your patrol had to be cut short. I'm sure that Casey here-"

She pinched his cheek painfully.

"_Ow!_"

"-will be able to join you guys again some other time when he learns to be more _careful_ out on the streets"

The two turtles both chuckled at the two's antics.

"Alright, if you're sure you can handle this. We'll see you later April"

"Catch ya on the flip side Case!"

Their lovey-dovey bickering followed the two turtles out the window and down to the streets.

The brothers were gone and heading back down the sewers in the blink of an eye, shadows swallowing them whole.

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In retrospect they probably _should_ have been more cautious.

They probably _should_ have at least moved off the sofa and into one of their rooms.

They probably _should_ have heard their footsteps coming or _at least_ heard the lairs door crunching open.

Ok well **technically**, they probably _shouldn't_ have been making out in the first place.

They probably _shouldn't _have been in a relationship at all.

At the_ very least_ they probably _shouldn't_ have chosen the lair as an appropriate place for a love-fest.

But...temptation acted like a drug.

It sent desire through his veins and poisoned his blood; making him crave it.

And to be honest, Donatello really wasn't thinking about the _should_ and _shouldn't_'s of his and Michelangelo's relationship as they played tonsil hockey in front of the television.

In fact, those things were the furthest from his mind at the moment...

He rolled over, arms full of Michelangelo and pulled the younger turtle on top of him, their mouths still connected.

He knew that Michelangelo liked to be on top, something to do with the fact that he was the 'turtle titan' and always won the girl in the end (or in this case Donatello).

Donatello didn't mind. He liked how Michelangelo's eyes would twinkle and shine and _uh_-

He moaned quietly as the orange ninja pulled away slightly and traced his lips sensually with his tongue before slipping back into Donatello's mouth and pressing them together wetly.

And there went any rational thoughts.

And so happens, that this was the moment they probably _should _have quickly broken apart and pretended that things were completely normal, like they were just casually watching TV together.

...

The loud metallic clatter echoed across the lair eerily.

...

Silence.

Slowly, painstakingly _slowly_, as if he was just ending a kiss that hadn't landed them in very hot water Donatello drew his lips back from Michelangelo's and raised his head.

His gaze first fell on Raphael's sais on the ground next to two pairs of green feet.

He dragged his gaze a little higher and took his time to slowly contemplate how the shadows looked from the still playing television, flickering and jumping on his two elder brother's plastrons. The shadows teasingly highlighted glimpses of strong muscles and old scars.

He tried his gaze a fraction of an inch higher and felt his stomach sink as he watched the frozen state of the two bodies.

Finally he lifted his gaze to their faces.

Leonardo and Raphael stared at him and Michelangelo in open mouthed shock.

Ok...

...

They were _**so**_ dead.

And to think, he had considered their day in general to be relatively normal.

REVIEW!


	2. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love) and incest (or _**turtlecest**__)_. NC-17. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Authors Notes: This chapter comes at the expense of my holiday homework XD

Enjoy!

Michelangelo rolled over.

_Twitch._

Deciding it was totally uncomfortable lying like that, he groaned and rolled over again trying to cacoon himself into the blankets.

_Twitch._

The blankets felt rough and stuffy on his shoulders and arms. He swivelled so that the momentum left him lying uncomfortably on his shell, turtle instincts telling him that it was all wrong.

"Aww man..."

With a frustrated sigh he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling, crossing his arms across the back of his head as a pillow.

Sleepless nights sucked. He hated them; they reminded him of bad things.

....all that bad thing that had happened in less than one night of his life.

_Sigh._

Usually if he had a night like this breaking out his comic book collection would force him into an unpleasant doze and if the comics didn't work he would get out of bed to raid the fridge for a good midnight snack.

_.........._

But usually there wasn't any need to stay up and think.

It wasn't everyday things became so bad.

He wasn't _usually_ caught up in such a complicated situation, at least not like the one he was in at the moment...

Finally unable to stand it anymore Michelangelo rolled over and hugged his soft panda toy tight to his plastron.

He finally stopped twitching and settled.

The stuffed toy was a poor substitute, but ever since _that night_, it was the best replacement for Donatello he had.

There was a reason why he associated sleepless nights with bad memories.

..... And this one just about took the cake.

For once, the thought of moist vanilla cake didn't make his mouth water or get him up for a midnight snack.

When the orange ninja imagined 'coming out' to his family about his and Donnie's totally awesome _thing_, well...he'd never imagined that things would turn out the way they had.

He swallowed deeply and tried to suppress the painful emotions quickly rising within his stomach. The same emotions that he'd been trying suppress all week.

He hadn't touched Donatello since _that night._

And Donatello; well Donatello hadn't even _looked_ at him.

Crushing the soft stitching and cotton filling of his panda toy Michelangelo buried his head into his pillow and let out a single pained sob unable to stop tears from pricking his eyes.

As the youngest of the turtles, he sometimes felt obligated to let out more emotions...

While the others stayed "mature" he could be the goofball, or in this case the tears. He could let himself be free from those mental burdens the others, especially Leo chose to bear.

And with that said, he almost felt like laughing.

His brothers liked to think that they were above having emotions, like they could just bottle up everything inside.

While he was the youngest turtle that didn't mean he was totally oblivious to what that could do to a person.

The overwhelming pain and betrayal of his and Donnie's situation almost hit him as he lay there in his bed with a toy panda crushed against his body.

....A toy panda that should have been the body of his partner.

Michelangelo let the hot fat tears trail down his cheeks, follow the tendons in his neck and collect into the hollow of his throat.

"It's not _fair_!" he muttered curling up into a ball, "stupid Leo!"

He liked to think that maybe Donatello was doing the same thing as he was at this very moment. Maybe his love-....no EX-lover-boy was thinking about him as well and crying out for him.

But somehow the optimism in his heart just couldn't stretch that far.

He knew that Donatello didn't cry anymore, just like their other two brothers.

The tears didn't slow as the minutes trickled by.

He was doing the crying for both Donatello and himself.

At least one of them had to cry for their broken up relationship if Donnie couldn't shed a tear.

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Donatello sat in his lab and nursed his coffee sadly.

It was late, the middle of the night according to the clock on his computer.

And like most times in his life, he didn't care.

But somehow sitting there, just staring into the black liquid, driving himself into a kind of melancholy madness.

It was a rather odd concept.

He labelled it under "events that changed history".

It was also interesting to realise the fact that one minute, one action had changed their entire household and the dynamics of their relationships with each other...in this case for the worse.

He sighed and swirled his coffee with a single finger, letting the rich aroma circulate around him.

A split second could change the world. Now it was proven.

Exactly one week ago things had been absolutely perfect within their home.

Exactly one week ago they had all been at peace with each other.

_Just one week ago_ things had been a wonderful, fulfilling utopia.

Just one week ago things could not have gotten any better; everyone was smiling and content.

And after just one evening everything descended into a horrible soap opera scenario.

It was exactly one week ago that Leonardo and Raphael had come home early from patrol to find Mikey and he making out on the couch.

It had been exactly one week since Michelangelo and he could walk around the lair and not receive sickened glances from Leonardo as the eldest regarded them suspiciously, _after _he'd done the unspeakable.

Just one week ago he'd been able to look Michelangelo in the eyes without flinching.

Just one week ago he hadn't been afraid to come out of his own room.

Donatello shoved the coffee away from him angrily and picked up a screwdriver, throwing together whatever spare parts he could find on his table.

Just one week ago, he'd been _god damn_ happy!

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Raphael's eyes narrowed as he watched his elder brother from the shadows, practising his fucking katas as if they weren't already _perfect_.

He was pissed off.

No, _more_ than pissed off...

Clenching his fists he felt anger spark hotly in his gut.

He was fucking furious!!

The kind of angry that usually lead to bruises and spats.

If he could help it, there was going to be no exceptions to that rule today.

Leave it to Leonardo to take things too far.

This was fucking ridiculous!

Ok, so he'd never really considered Don and Mikey would have....well, become a....err _whatever the hell _they called their little kissing stunt.

But that wasn't the point.

Yeah it was shocking, hell, Leo and he must have stared at them in utter shock for like, five whole minutes before he realised their mouths were hanging open like idiots.

And yeah, he wasn't completely comfortable with the entire concept at first because of course they'd been raised as brothers...

But that was _at first_.

Because after the initial shock of it all and the whole "whoa my two little brothers are doing each other behind our backs" thing he kinda started to grow on the idea.

Coz' he sure as hell wasn't going to go after some _human _or anything. And if he was going to stick to the same species and Mikey and Don were already together that left him with Leo, _Leo_ of all turtles.

And yeah, there had been humans he'd liked more than just friends, but his interest faded faster than he cared to think. There were plenty of examples.

One instance was with Joy, the acolyte he'd been closest with while the ninja tribunal trained them in Japan.

Ok so he admitted it, he had had a crush on her for a bit, even tried to ask her out, _subtly_ of course.

_**Snort. **_

But there was no big deal about it.

He hadn't even been _that _upset when he thought she'd died.

And once they lost contact... well, that was it. He hadn't really given her a second thought.

It was a bit like the thing Donnie had had for April.

Granted she was with Casey, the big bonehead, but Donnie knew it wasn't going to happen and well...whatever the hell happened with him and Mikey happened and....heh he didn't seem to be complaining a week ago when Leo and he had accidently walked in on them.

It was typical that for a while, before the shock outing of Mikey and Donnie they'd all been really happy and enjoying life.

He'd been having a great time, going out on patrol and beating up thugs and hanging with Casey. Even having normal conversations with Leo made him see a different side of his sibling that none of them had really gotten to know too well; the side that wasn't just an uptight leader.

Raphael had to admit, he liked what he saw.

But there, right there was what it all came back down to.

_Leonardo._

Raphael was confused.

And pissed off...._very_ pissed off.

Mr. Perfectionist hadn't exactly taken the news of Mikey and Don well.

In fact whatever he'd said to Michelangelo and Donatello in the long lecture he'd given them after _that night_ had obviously hurt the two.

And as confused as he was about how exactly he felt about Mr. Stick-up-his-ass, he knew that he was going to get to the bottom of whatever the hell Leo's problem was with his younger brother's relationship.

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, hands coming out to grip his sais out of habit.

Spying from the shadows he watched as Leonardo finished a kata and sheathed his swords.

Time to make his move.

Tonight he would get answers, whether Leo liked it or not.

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Leonardo could sense Raphael was in his presence immediately.

Without even having to look he could tell the red ninja had stepped out of the darkened entry near the door and moved towards him, standing directly behind his shell.

Raphael let out a gruff snort, an acknowledgement of sorts, in what the blue ninja recognised as the sound of his hothead brother trying to stay calm even though he was frustrated.

Leonardo didn't flinch as he turned around to meet Raphael.

"What the fuck did you say to them??"

Blunt as ever.

Tactful as usual.

It was painfully obvious that Raphael wasn't in the mood for playing around or _subtly_ looking for answers.

Raph stared at his brother in a silent challenge.

Leo could tell that whatever Raphael was about to say was important, if not for him, than at least for Don and Mikey's sake. Raph was obviously trying to make things right in his own protective way.

Leonardo frowned slightly and took a step back, their close proximity making him uncomfortable as Raph stalked forwards.

He didn't bother pretending that he didn't know what Raph was talking about.

"I told them what needed to be said" Leo answered calmly, his limpid brown eyes bright in the candlelight.

Raphael almost laughed as he took another step forwards. The one thing he _was not_ going to do was let Leo escape without a proper answer.

"_What needed to be said?_ In case you haven't noticed _**Leo**_, Mikey and Don have been moping around the lair for the past week like you've killed their fucking puppy! What the hell did you say??"

Leo turned his head away to look at the candles glowing from small ridges gouged into the dojo's walls.

He was almost tempted to scold Raph for his language and completely ignore his question.

After a moment he finally resisted it and refused to look at his younger brother as he spoke, dancing around the subject easily.

"Look Raph, I know that you're _concerned_ for them but it's really none of your business. This has nothing to do with you"

A small growl ripped from the red-masked brother's throat.

Leo just wasn't getting it tonight.

"I think it became my business the _second_ my two brothers start tip-toeing around their own home. I think it's my business when they won't even look at each other in the eyes anymore!"

Leonardo was silent.

Calmly as ever, he continued to study the golden-butter light that reflected off the red brick walls and the fire dancing, melting the white wax onto the grainy cement.

"You told Master Splinter didn't you?"

Leonardo said nothing, Raphael's accusation sliding off his back like water.

"Ya-ya _bastard_!" Raph yelled out, his anger quickly getting the better off him and flickering out of his gut, "who gives a fuck if they're together? They were happy, _happy _without you ruining things for them! I don't care if they're brothers, as long as their relationship makes 'em happy that's all that matters!!-"

"You're not seeing the bigger picture and you don't _understand_" Leo interrupted quietly still refusing to meet his eyes.

Raphael snarled.

"Yeah? Then why don't you _enlighten_ me oh fearless one?? Why couldn't you let our brothers just be god damn happy for once in their miserable lives?!? Why couldn't you mind _your_ own god damn business and let them be?!"

It seemed to hit some kind of nerve, at least one that made Leonardo twitch in annoyance.

That was all the satisfaction Raphael needed.

"Have you ever considered how it would affect us? Our family? Our lives as ninja's??" Leo snapped, clenching his fists, his frown becoming deeper and more intense, "what happens if we pair off and let emotions get the better of us? In battle we have to make _split second decisions _and we could end up _**dead**_ Raph! It's true and you know it. You're only mad because I'm the only one responsible enough to come out and say it! I won't just stand here and let them destroy us!"

Raph wanted to laugh in his so called "wise" brother's face.

Leonardo's excuse was nothing and stupid and _obviously_ not what was really tearing up his brother.

He knew that if he pushed a little harder he would get exactly what he was looking for because he knew that if there was anyone that could break Leo's calm, it was _him_.

"Yeah? Well guess what? Ya may think ya did the _noble_ thing by telling Master Splinter... but now because they're split up we're probably going to get into the same problems! Ya think they're just going ta get over something like this!? Fuck Leo, I knew ya were an idiot but I never thought you'd be this blind to emotions"

Something sharp, almost akin to pain flickered over Leo's facial expression.

"Don't talk to me about _emotions__**hothead**_" Leonardo snapped, finally meeting his eyes and freezing Raphael on the spot.

Suddenly Raphael felt quite dizzy as a jolt of arousal pinched his stomach.

His thoughts abruptly crashed into confusion as he looked into the rich brown colour of Leonardo.

He loved Leonardo as a brother, would sacrifice himself in an instant to save him, to save _any_ of them.

He hated Leonardo as a leader, resented him for having power over them, for being "more important", for being the "perfect son".

He was dancing on the dangerous line between love and hate, pain and pleasure, good and bad.

He abruptly snapped himself out of it and saw Leo again as if seeing him for the first time in his entire life.

Then he realised that he was lying on the floor, with a sore bump on his head and wondering how the hell one turtle could move so fast.

Leonardo was not looking impressed.

He opened his mouth to make a smart-ass reply but Leo's sharp glare cut him off.

"Raph this isn't about some stupid leader thing, it's about our family"

Leo's face, previously under an annoyed control had turned into hard steel.

Raph bared his teeth and quickly got to his feet slapping Leo's offered hand away.

Raphael could honestly say he was scared, not of Leo, but of the weird emotions racing through his body at the moment and the adrenalin that told him to run like hell before things got worse.

He took a step backwards and his brother seemed to know that their conversation was coming to an end.

"Just so you know-" Leo said quietly to the retreating ninja pushing down the anger inside like he always did.

The heavy footsteps stopped as Raphael paused, trying desperately not growl like a dog.

"-I never told Master Splinter"

The darker turtle's shoulders tensed as he put two and two together.

There was no door to slam but the punch that was smashed against the opening of their dojo left a remarkable dent in the crumbling brick.

Leonardo felt his heart crack but scrunched his eyes closed and held his composed look.

The annoyance quickly drained out of his body leaving him feeling cold as his brother left.

The blue ninja sat back down and quietly blew out the small tendrils of flame from some of the spluttering candles in front of him.

He knew what he was doing was hurting his brothers.

He knew what he was doing was hurting himself.

He knew what he was doing was probably going to change his brothers attitudes towards him forever.

But deep down he knew that even though it hurt, it was the right thing to do.

At the expense of their love, at the expense of his own he would bottle up his emotions and try to bottle up theirs.

He would do what was best for their family.

He always had.

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Raphael snarled in frustration as he stomped out of the dojo and into his room, slamming his door so hard that dust floated down from the ceiling.

His body buzzed with the insatiable flow of frustration, something that seemed to linger and tease him into insanity.

No matter how hard he tried to relieve himself of the itch his skin still crawled and twitched agitatedly.

The punching bag just wasn't cutting it anymore, Donatello was completely sick of him dragging it in for repairs, leaving a miserable trail of leaking sand behind.

"Fuck!" he swore whirling around to glare, to destroy anything, _anything_ he could find in his sad excuse of a room.

He found little and lashed out angrily ripping his hammock from its hinges, upturning all his crap, ripping into boxes, smashing his lamp and letting the cheap glass tinkle across the floor.

And he didn't _care_ if anyone heard.

_He did not give a flying fuck_!

Just as long as he could make enough noise, annihilate enough objects so that he couldn't hear his inner voice and could scream away dangerous feelings that were threatening his mind.

He would not listen, he would not act.

He could not believe that Leonardo had broken up their brother's relationship by himself. That he hadn't even gone to Master Splinter to do the job.

There was nothing, _nothing_ in his heart for Leonardo....

He kicked the wall again until his foot bled, drowning out the thoughts.

He was too tough for this.

He could beat any feelings out of his system.

He could drown himself in violence and fighting.

He could even pretend he had no elder brother.

He could overcome this... if not for himself but for Mikey and Don.

He would do this.....somehow.

REVIEW!


	3. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love) and incest (or _**turtlecest**__)_. NC-17. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Authors Notes: Thanks to those people who reviewed! This has NOT been beta'd, contains sexual themes, some violence and angst.

Enjoy!

When things changed in the Hamato household it was sudden.

It was a fact that all the members had accepted a long time ago.

It was then funny to think that when something big changed, something that was shaking the foundation of every bond within that household that he started noticing all the _little things_.

And the utter confusion, adding to all the little things Raphael had been noticing wasn't exactly helping either.

The temptation to smash his head against a wall had become overwhelming over the past few days.

Of course because he wasn't going to be caught doing that, like some kind of emotional idiot, Raph actually considered his thoughts for once like Don would have instead of throwing them away like Mikey so often did.

Raphael never really noticed how much Don and Mikey touched each other until they weren't touching anymore. He never really noticed how much time he was spending with Leonardo until he wasn't spending it anymore.

Raphael knew that the others noticed it as well.

How the _fuck_ could any of them ignore it?

He was amazed and _surprised_ that Splinter hadn't said anything to any of them yet.

Raphael was both relived and disappointed about that.

Their Master was probably only staying silent and letting things play out because he felt they were "destined" to happen this way...or something mystical and philosophical like that.

To him personally, it was a cop out.

Although he would never want his sensei to discover the... _nature_ of their problems at the moment, he felt it was cowardly of his father to do nothing as they began avoiding each other more and more under the same roof.

Raph doubted it could become any tenser even if they tried.

He was afraid that if he accidently dropped a fucking _pin_, the walls could just crumble under the weight of it.

Donnie had barely come out of his room except for training and eating.

Michelangelo was either obsessively reading comics to keep himself from too many deep thoughts or dancing nervously around the lair with an overly-happy grin on his face even when his eyes were red from crying.

And Leo _still_ hadn't come to his senses about any of this shit.

He was still strutting around, keeping a sharp eye on Mikey and Don and ignoring him.

Raph now continuously sent his elder brother a multitude of annoyed looks and snapped at him because _someone_ had to knock some sense into the blue-masked ninja.

Leonardo _deserved_ the shoves and snarls he "accidently" sent his way.

_Raph_ wasn't the one who told their baby brothers that their relationship was inappropriate. He wasn't the one who broke them up and caused all misery!

And to add to the horrible twisted sense of the already hellish situation, his friggin' black hole of a mind cued to make everything a whole lot worse.

Like Leonardo, and since when the hell did his brother become so _attractive_??

It only made sense in his own fucked up kind of way.

He'd never really considered an incestuous relationship with any of them before Don and Mikey.

Now that he was, it opened whole new pathways.

Just like that; one morning Leo was his ordinary bro being normal and calm, the next Mikey and Don are depressed and someone in his head has switched on a light bulb and said 'screw being brothers, you get hot and heavy for Leonardo!'

If that wasn't enough to get him confused, Leonardo just _haaaaaad_ to be making things worse with his whole "relationships are destructive to our family" thing.

It was fucking ridiculous that his hormones had to be rearing their ugly heads right now.

He didn't want to have to deal with Leo.

He knew Leo had responsibility issues, things that he begrudgingly admitted; he would never want to bear on his own shoulders.

In fact, Raph knew that that was what it all came down to; the leadership thrust upon his older brothers shoulders.

Leo was trying to make things right because he was the leader, even when he had no idea.

Hell _Raph_ didn't know what the complete reality of the situation was, but at least he was willing to give Donnie and Mike a chance, not immediately condemn whatever the hell they had going.

But whatever it was, there was still no reason for him to be catching himself looking at Leo more and more often, alternating between anger and attraction.

He _should not_ have been yearning to talk to him more, growing uncomfortable beneath the shell, wanting to talk with him like they'd been talking before Mikey and Don.

It wasn't exactly an encouraging thought that he had the choice of accepting that he maybe wanted Leo or he would be lonely for the rest of his life...

...

There it was again, the urge to bash his head against a wall.

He hated being a teenager sometimes.

Unable to bear it, trying to find anything to distract him from his own disgusting inner-thoughts Raphael stomped out of his room and into their living room.

_Oh for the love of-_

Leonardo wasn't even_ looking_ at him and he still felt desire spark in the bottom of his stomach.

The blue ninja had his shell turned as he stood over the back of the couch and watched the television, some news report about a stolen truck or something.

He shoved his older brother roughly as he passed him trying to pour his confusion and anger out onto the "mature" turtle.

To his annoyance it really didn't grant him any relief. In fact just touching his damned bro...

Leo glanced at him sharply, the eldest turtle's mouth drawn into a hard line.

Leo looked like he was itching to push him back, or at least sensed something was off about him.

But to his utter _frustration_ the blue ninja moved off with a tense march and retreated to the dojo.

Raph would have believed his brother to almost be in pain if he had actually cared more about his well being at the moment.

'_Stop it_!' he silently snarled at himself, feeling the now familiar scent of arousal slowly building around him, making his thighs tense with excitement as he watched the other stalk off.

He wasn't dealing with this well; he needed to talk to someone about this crap.

The light creeping out from under the closed door of Donatello's lab from up the stairs seemed as good as any.

Yes, good old brainiac would help him out with whatever the hell he was going through.

Good old logical Donatello.

He ignored Michelangelo's nervous grin as the youngest turtle crept towards his room, his eyes darting around for Leonardo, and barged into Donnie's lab.

Yes Donatello, Donnie would knock some sense into him.

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"You've got to be fucking kidding me!!" Raphael snarled at him, taking the book as if it was mouldy pizza Michelangelo had left in his room as a prank.

Ok, so maybe giving Raph 'Romeo and Juliet' wasn't the smartest idea he'd ever had.

But who could blame him? He hadn't really been able to think clearly lately.

Not since...

He clenched his fists, trying to regulate his emotions in a way that would seem acceptable as his immediate older brother glared at him.

Things were going from bad to worse.

Donatello missed the carefree atmosphere that used to linger around their home, having Raph and Leo being friends for once, being able to talk to Leonardo normally without the elder looking at him as if he was doing something wrong.

And he missed _Mikey_...

He missed the stupid jokes and spur of the moment kisses when nobody was looking, shell, he even missed the orange ninja messing around with his experiments just to get his attention and then make up with him later in his lab.

He didn't _care_ that all this want wasn't logical.

He didn't care that it had only been a week and a half.

He was craving Michelangelo in a way that sourly reminded him of the time that Leonardo had been in Central America. The time they hadn't yet gotten together...

Raphael tapped his hand impatiently as his genius brother drifted off into la-la land.

While hypothesizing about the possible outcomes of their situation Donatello had also realised a horrible fact.

It didn't make up for his eldest brothers deplorable decision in regards to him and Mikey, but it did make him feel kind of guilty, even when he hadn't really done anything.

This kind of bottling of emotions.

It was something Leonardo did every day, with every decision he made.

_God damn Leo_...

He hadn't even realised the shear amount of held back feelings his brother dealt with until he accidently stumbled across Leo doing his katas late one night, silent tears barely visible around the edges of his mask.

And even when he confronted Leonardo about it the blue ninja just shook his head and smiled sadly at him.

'Family before love' he murmured before he settled back into his iron control and appeared calm, like he hadn't just been crying through demanding physical katas.

At the moment didn't particularly care.

His brother obviously had no idea how much it hurt to see him force Don away from Mikey.

Donatello now understood how hard it was to bottle up emotions.

He understood how Leo sometimes suffered in silence for the good of their family.

And before he had remembered that this was _Raph_ he was talking about Romeo and Juliet had seemed entirely appropriate.

After all wasn't that what Mikey and he could be considered? Weren't they "star-crossed lovers"?

Raphael looked at him as if he was a bull and Donnie was the red waving flag taunting him.

It was a shock that his hothead brother had actually come to him asking to talk about something more than his shell cycle, his punching bad or the annoyingness of Mikey and Leo.

"Donnie" Raphael growled lowly, thoroughly unimpressed as Donnie made the transition back into reality from la-la land.

"Ok, ok I'm sorry just sit down" Donatello sighed as he shoved the stupid book back into his case.

He sat in front of his computer and looked at his uncomfortable and annoyed looking brother.

He could already tell that whatever Raph was about to say wasn't going to end well for them.

"So what's bothering you Raph?" he questioned carefully trying to keep a neutral expression on his face like he'd seen Leo do a million times before.

It was harder than it looked.

"Can I talk to ya about you and Mike's..._thing_?"

Donnie's head snapped up to stare.

He honestly wasn't surprised that Raph had asked.

He just hadn't expected it so soon and put so bluntly.

"What? _Why?_"

Raphael could immediately tell that Donatello was getting ready to defend whatever shit he thought that he was about to send his way.

"Whoa" Raph held up his hands as a peace signal, the immediate surprise in his brother expression quickly evaporating, "I ain't here to tell ya that what ya did was wrong or nothing. I'm just curious-"

He smirked and looked at his little brother slyly, hoping to snap him out of whatever was eating him.

Raphael Hamato never did things by halves...

"-I mean it's not every day ya walk in ta see your two little bros tongue wrestling in front of the tv"

A faint blush played over Donatello's features. He somehow regulated his expression and thankfully remained looking calm-ish.

"...I'd rather not talk about it. Not when-"

For a second Don's features screwed up.

He wanted to gasp as sadness welled up in his stomach and quickly disintegrated whatever uncaring front he'd formed to keep himself from thinking about the situation with Mikey.

Raphael was next to him quicker than he realised, staring in brotherly concern.

He placed a comforting hand on Don's shoulder wary of any outbursts that would leave him smacked down on the floor. It hurt to see his brother in pain.

"Hey, hey...look I know Leo's being a pain in da ass at the moment but ya can't just give up!"

Raph sighed as Donnie looked at him in disbelief.

"Donnie, this obviously means a lot to ya, Mikey and you _both_. And I ain't going ta judge ya about nothing. You know that Leo's not the only older brother ya can talk to right?"

Donatello stared at him in shock for a moment as if seeing him the first time and then blinked slowly.

He nodded and looked at Raphael with an odd expression on his face, one that he got when seeing an experiment in a new light.

"Are you feeling alright Raph?" he asked slowly as if wondering if he'd somehow caught a bug or virus.

"..Am I....Am I feeling alright?!?" Raphael spluttered looking at him in half-annoyance, half-indignity as the statement hit him, "I'm not _that_ bad giving fucking support!"

He paused for a second and then scratched his head sheepishly.

"....Ok well maybe _I am...._but that's not the point!"

He sighed and looked at the purple ninja.

"Look Don, it's obvious that you and Mike are both hurting coz of this whole thing and if I've come to ya about _my_ feelings, than I'm sure it's pretty damn clear that if ya need to, you and him can come to me to me as well"

He drew himself up, looking quite proud.

"Leo's not the only one that can support this family"

Donnie looked at him, a little incredulous.

"Sure Raph, whatever you say"

Raphael snorted.

"A bit over the top?" he asked.

"Definitely" Donnie nodded.

Raphael leaned over him.

"So anyway, if ya don't mind me asking, if ya up to answering and stuff..."

Raph looked slightly uncomfortable but obviously ignored it, using his expertise in bluntness to spit out the words, "...how fast did things errrr...ya know, _happen_ between you and shell-for-brains?"

Donnie looked hesitant.

He didn't want to drag up what had been ripped away from him so suddenly.

But peering up and looking into his hothead brother's caring face he decided to answer anyway. This was pretty much as close as hearts to hearts were going to get between him and Raph.

He took a deep breath and started at the beginning.

"...I...I guess I started developing feelings for him during the period that Leo went away for training...."

Raph felt his heart sinking.

He wasn't sure if he even wanted to know any of this, he wasn't sure what had even prompted him to ask.

He leaned backwards in his chair and stuck out his chest, trying to ignore the feelings tingling inside of him as he learnt about everything that had transpired between his two little brothers while Leo had been away.

He wanted to ignore how Donnie's feelings seemed to reflect his own, how they both now yearned for a turtle that they now couldn't have.

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Raphael was sweaty, sore and exhausted but that didn't stop him from venting some anger out on whatever he could find.

Leo had been running them into the ground training for the past week and a half, ever since they had made the shock discovery of Don and Mikey's not so brotherly relationship.

And he'd been pacing around a lot.

Normally Mikey would have made a quip about Leo's pacing, about how dizzy it was making him but unfortunately, this was no ordinary situation.

Leo looked kind of sick as all four of them walked out of the lair to go on patrol.

Raph turned his head.

He didn't care, not after all the shit that had happened between them, especially not when his emotions were practically uncontrollable with what was going through his head at the moment.

The talk with Donnie hadn't exactly helped him, not in the way he thought it would.

Even when Leonardo was looking kind of sick, he still seemed _perfect_.

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In a way he was relieved that none of them noticed.

It meant that there was no fuss over him; it meant that he wasn't suddenly babied and he didn't have to sit out of patrol tonight.

But in another more prominent way, the way he was trying to bury and act normal because of, he wished that he meant more to them than he did at the moment.

He ignored the way everything seemed really hot even though it was painfully obvious it was cold out by the way the other 3 turtles shivered and grumbled as they made their way topside.

He tried to ignore how his stomach seemed to clench in protest and how he felt unnaturally tired.

His head pounded in sync with each rung of a ladder he climbed up as they made their way to the tops of the New York City skyline.

He managed to stay on top of himself as thankfully the night stayed relatively peaceful.

He was _fine_.

And of course that was when fate struck.

They only had about 10 minutes of patrol left when the horrid high pitched squeal of a truck sounded from the streets below.

Hazily peering over the top of the roof Leonardo could see the vehicle being driven directly towards the purple dragon's headquarters. It looked exactly like the one he'd seen in the news earlier on.

There were no questions as they all took off in a run after it.

Even before they had reached the headquarters Leo knew that there was no way they could save the truck and avoid a fight at the same time.

He drew in a deep breath and tried to centre himself.

He had done much harder things during his life; he had felt just as bad if not worse when facing off against some of the corrupt army men in Central America with some jungle sickness.

He looked up and saw Raph's eager face itching for a fight, Donnie peering over the edge of the building they were on and calculating what he knew were moves to get the truck back and Mikey fidgeting anxiously torn between jumping at the fight and avoiding his eyes.

It hurt to see Mikey like that.

For the moment he could do nothing about it.

Leo tried to breathe in deeply again.

He tried to ignore how much it hurt to be doing this to his brothers. How much he felt like giving up. How much their entire situation wanted to crack him.

"Let's go" he whispered drawing his katanas.

His stubborn pride and will were probably going to be his downfall, and he knew it.

He frowned as they all jumped down.

If his brothers thought he could handle himself, than he would have to.

It didn't matter that he was sick.

He could still lead.

He could get through this.

He would have to if his brothers didn't have his back.

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Leo glanced to his side and saw Michelangelo and Raphael rushing off around the corner to beat up some of the escaping thugs.

He wanted to call out, tell them to stick together as a group but couldn't find the spare breath.

It was becoming more and more difficult as he tried to focus on his breathing, on the threats bearing down on each side of him.

Donatello stayed in his peripheral vision as things blurred around him with only adrenaline keeping him competent on his feet.

That was good; at least if he fell Donatello would be there.

He ducked the wild swing of a metal pipe at his head and kicked the guy backwards knocking him unconscious.

Unable to do it with his usual precision he stumbled backwards and ran into more purple dragons.

He was just able to draw up his katanas to defend himself from the heavily aimed baseball bat.

He gasped as he was forced against a wall by the power of his oncoming attacker.

He swung his katana and it hit its target, slashing from random dragon's hand making him yell out in pain and stumble away.

Leo twirled around as much as he could, his blows resembling the ones the dragons threw at him, not the ones he'd been trained to gracefully execute as a ninja as the dragons swarmed around him.

His current attacker pushed him a little too hard making his head crack against the brick wall behind him.

It was minor, probably only going to leave a bruise but in his current condition the dizziness threatened to double him over.

He punched the guy out, half-amazed that he was still even capable of that and covered his mouth with his hand desperately.

Things passed in a bloody, sickening blur and before he knew it he was standing with the world swaying all around him like he was on a boat.

Unable to find any more strength in himself Leonardo dropped his swords with a clatter.

He looked in front of him, left, right and behind and then let out a tired grin.

No more purple dragons attacking.

It was safe for him to fall to the ground as the virus he'd caught seemed to get the better of him.

Leo guessed it was karma coming back and biting him in the tail.

He vaguely heard someone calling out his name, sort of sounded like his brother...

He wasn't even aware of his body falling sideways to the hard cement as his vision was swallowed by darkness.

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Oh nonononononononononono!

This wasn't good, this couldn't be happening!

Master Splinter put all his trust into the four of them. The rat assumed that they would always be there and look out for each other; he trusted them all with his and each other's lives.

And what did they do? They totally ignored Leonardo and let him jump into battle when he wasn't well enough to handle it.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!!_

"Leo!" he cried out as the blue ninja let out a tired grin and let himself fall to the ground.

Giving the already injured purple dragon a good kick for measure he raced over to where his brother was.

He pulled him partially into his lap and swore at himself for failing to notice the obvious sickness that his brother's immune system was failing to fight off.

Idiot, Donatello cursed himself.

No matter how much he disagreed with Leo's decisions, his elder brother didn't deserve this. He was strong; he was only trying to look out for their family.

All this did was highlight what a bad turtles he, Donatello and his brothers were.

He shook his head.

This was a nightmare.

He felt guilt wash over him as he stared into his brother's usually pale face.

_Stupid, stupid ,stupid!_

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"Leo, _Leo_!!"

Michelangelo skidded into view, slightly out of breath but otherwise unharmed. His nunchucks were still dangling from his hands in a fighting pose ready to take on whatever bad guys were lurking around the corner.

He blinked when none came and looked over at his two brothers.

Why were they...?

He did a double take and gasped, rushing towards Donatello's side as he caught sight of the blue ninja.

His mouth fell open in shock.

"_Shit_! Leo, LEO! Dude is he-"

Mikey's eyes were frighteningly wide as his eyes took in the situation and looked closely at the turtle draped across Donnie's lap.

Donatello felt a spike of relief as Michelangelo joined him over Leonardo.

"_Mikey_! We need to go. Where's Raph?"

Mikey bit his lip glancing behind him.

"Dude he was right behind me but he went nuts! Stress relief or something, I think he's on his way; he's just taking care of the last couple of dragons. What happened to Leo???"

Donnie rubbed his hands over his temples tiredly.

"I don't know, I think it's a virus that he's managed to conceal from us or something catching up to him. I'll figure it out later but right now need to get back home"

There was a subtle anxiousness on the youngest ninja's face that made his heart wrench.

It was easy for the Mikey to pick up the slightly off tone in Donatello's voice.

Mikey looked at him with his piercing blue gaze.

"....Donnie?"

Donnie looked up at him with a strained expression, his lips pressed tightly together, the skin of his beak pulled tight as he realise their close proximity.

"Shut up Mikey" the purple masked turtle muttered quietly.

Donatello closed his eyes.

And just at that very moment Raphael bounded around the corner and almost fell over them in his haste.

His jaw dropped as he caught sight of their elder brother lying on Don's lap.

"_The_ _fuck!?!"_ he squeaked.

This day just kept getting better and better.

REVIEW!


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love) and incest (or _**turtlecest**__)_. NC-17: contains _**SEX**_. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Authors Notes: Thank you for the reviews, you guys make me happy! This has NOT been beta'd, contains detailed sex between two brothers, some violence and angst.

Enjoy!

They all knew what was coming as they entered the lair with Leo draped between them.

Their elder brother looked like some kind of ragdoll they'd found on the street, limp and worn away.

As they clambered into their home everything looked calm enough, like nothing had been put out of place.

It was both good and bad that it appeared empty.

Master Splinter wasn't there; he was sitting in his room with the waxy scent of candles floating gently around his old body.

They immediately crashed through his steady aura of calm contemplation as they stumbled in and announced their presences noisily.

The look of surprise on their sensei's face as he opened his sliding Japanese doors said everything.

He caught sight of them and frowned.

And from there things quickly descended into a rushed chaos.

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The run back to the lair had been a blur of Raphael's shouts and grunts and Michelangelo's teary worries.

Donatello's natural response was to analyse.

Trying best to compensate for the lack of their leader he directed them temporarily until they could get back home.

If only he had been this good of a leader when Leo actually went away...

Donnie was rather proud that he had managed to keep them together for the five minutes it took them to drive the stolen truck to a safe location for later and then herd them into the sewers, splashing quickly towards their home.

With Leonardo lying across his shoulders still unconscious, they were forced to reflect on their actions.

Not only did the guilt of abandoning their elder brother hurt him, but also the guilt of causing their sensei to pace towards them in such a worried fashion seeing his eldest obviously unwell, made his heart ache.

He'd never realised how guilt could become such a strong emotion.

Sometimes he hated being so intelligent.

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"_Leonardo?"_

It was a double betrayal, a hit both to Leo and their master.

"What has happened, my sons?"

Reluctance and a dark kind of silence followed.

They all looked away, anywhere but Leo and the face of their sensei.

Splinter cleared his throat, a signal that he was not in the mood for playing around.

A wave of scrabbled together answers and excuses, Mikey's tearful apologies and Raph's growls and spits were bombarded upon their father.

Through it all they guided Leo towards his lab and Donatello immediately set to work as the red and orange ninjas went through a brief rambling explanation of the night's events, though purposely skipping some parts in order to cover their names.

Donnie quickly lay Leo down, as comfortably as the circumstances would allow and took his temperature.

It wasn't bad but it was definitely beyond the point that Leo shouldn't have gone into battle with.

If it had been him, Mikey or Raph Don was certain that none of them would have attemptedit.

'He's always trying to prove himself, as if he isn't good enough' Donnie thought sadly.

It made him feel the dull aches and bruises that he'd attained from the purple dragons earlier on.

Searching around as the babbling of his family faded in the background he got out two needles, one empty and one filled with an antibiotic.

He silently took a sample of blood, just in case, and injected Leo with the other hoping it would lessen the qualities of the virus and reduce the sick look on his brother's face.

His concentration broke as he looked up to see three worried sets of eyes staring at him.

Unable to speak Donnie gave a slight nod.

Two of the eyes instantly relaxed.

They all turned to the other in instinct.

The older, wiser set of orbs closed, clearing away emotions and then opened to look down at the three turtles in front of him.

After scuttling around, pulling out a table to set up medical supplies on and periodically checking up on Leo's vital signs it was obvious that there master had a few select choices of words for them.

With a sigh, knowing there was no way he could get out of it, Donatello turned and shrugged his shoulders wearily.

Splinter immediately gestured them to follow him with a small wave of his hand, either oblivious or uncaring to the doomed looks of his three son's faces as they reluctantly followed.

This was possibly the worst part of it. Worse than even facing Leo when he woke up.

This was the part where everything they had done was shoved back into their faces with a big side helping of guilt.

"Kneel, my sons"

They reached the dojo and lined up, falling to the ground one by one, sitting opposite to their weapons rack.

It was ironic how even the sharpest blade couldn't cut them as deep as he knew their Father's words would now.

Never before...never had he been ashamed to be in front of his sensei as he was right now...

Never before had he given himself a reason to be...

Splinter took his time.

He carefully lit some white candles, the ones that decorated their brick walls with and gazed at his three sons with a pensive look.

Their father's eyesbetrayed everything.

The old rat looked worried and disappointed.

It was only when their master was really upset that he negative emotions out through his eyes...

"Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael...."

Their father started softly, as if testing the water before he created waves.

In a daze Donatello realised that their father never _**ever**_ used their nicknames to address them. It was always plain, straight _Donatello, Michelangelo, Raphael, Leonardo_.

He hadn't noticed before, probably because they'd all gotten so used to it.

But in this absurdly inappropriate time he found himself contemplating the meaning of his father's gesture.

Perhaps a sign of respect?

Or maybe a means of discipline...

"I am _disappointed_ with the way you have acted tonight"

His gnarled hands emerged from the many layers of robes to grip his walking stick.

He stood in front of them looking from turtle to turtle observing how his sons stayed frozen.

Donatello was sharp enough to see the subtle tightening of claws around the weathered wood as their sensei spoke to them.

He held back a flinch.

"Never before had I considered that three of my sons could act uncaring towards the forth, even if there had been some previous tensions between the four of you"

It would have been so much better if the rat had yelled and screamed at them, if he'd slapped them or punished them with physical training and exhaustion.

It was the absolute worst kind of punishment to have to sit in front of their father and teacher and be told that he was disappointed in them.

It made Donatello want to cry that things weren't the way they seemed and somehow turn back the clock to before the fight earlier on in the evening and change things.

"I had previously thought that you could work out the issues amongst yourselves... Leonardo may have been to blame for his own injury tonight but-"

There always had to be a _but_ in the sentence that made things turn from bad to worse.

"-I had trusted you_,_ as his _brothers_, to judge if he was able to fight. It is _inexcusable_ that the three of you would willingly turn your backs and let your sick brother run into battle"

Their sensei's tale flicked once behind him, betraying his agitation.

For once even Raph didn't open his mouth to try and contradict any of what their master was saying. He stayed silent, with his head ducked and his mouth a grim line.

Mikey didn't make a sound either, his eyes shiny with shame and unshed tears.

Donatello sat there, drowning in guilt and looking anywhere but his father's face, the one he knew showed the awful disappointment.

They had failed tonight.

As team members, as brothers.

Donatello and Michelangelo both glanced at each other and then quickly looked away.

Raphael clenched his first.

The old rat caught the small movements of each of them and stared intently.

A rare flicker of hesitance crossed his expression.

He almost smiled as Mikey's mouth fell open and gaped.

It was unthinkable that their sensei wasn't sure how to approach the situation.

He was the wisest rat on the planet, had infinite wisdom and knowledge, had a quote or riddle that could get them out of any situation...

"Would it be safe to assume that the roots of these actions somehow trace back to you and Michelangelo?" he asked addressing Donatello whose head snapped up at the question.

Donatello opened and closed his mouth but no words came out.

From his side Mikey made a small suppressed squeak as if he wasn't sure how to deal with the sudden question, which in his own ears sounded more like an accusation.

From the other side Raphael stayed stony, unmoving like a statue and unable to talk about any of the crap threatening to explode out of his head.

Their master sighed.

"I had thought that perhaps this would not become an issue for our family, however I can now see that things have not worked out that way."

Donatello could instantly tell that something outside the normal range of punishments was coming their way.

Time slowed down.

Only one thought was smashing into the wall of his mind.

_Mikey....no...._

His eyes filled with panic before their sensei even opened his mouth.

His mouth fell open, his fists clenched, his chest swelled filling with absolute dread...

And _**bang**_!

He slammed into that wall so hard all the air rushed out of him.

"I think that it may be best if you two were to remain brothers, and _only_ brothers like Leonardo had tried to enforce"

Horror struck as he gagged silently in the back of his throat.

_No...._

It was like he had been lying comfortably in the sun, warm and toasty and then suddenly someone had cruelly dumped a bucket of ice cold water over his head because his life was not allowed to be simple and happy.

The distinct sense of hate and contempt that fate had for him was undeniable.

Donatello was vaguely aware of a strange noise coming from beside him.

His thoughts had gone from overdrive, to almost nothing.

Nothing was really registering.

He didn't notice how Raph had finally torn his gaze from the ground in front of him and was looking at them both in shock and concern; he didn't notice how Master Splinter paused and stood in front of him, worry welling up in his eyes.

He didn't register that the weird noises were increasing and growing louder next to his ear.

He only heard the sounds of his own breathing as his world fell around him.

He stared blankly, ignoring the concerned call of his name and how the noises were actually coming from the turtle beside him...

It was only later that he recognised that the sound was Michelangelo trying to choke back sobs that were overcoming him.

Donatello didn't even register the sudden shouts of his father and brother as an orange blur flew past them.

Michelangelo bolted up and outside towards his lab, ignoring them all.

Donnie felt like he'd been paralysed, like little icy currents were refusing to connect and let him regulate his own body.

There was a short silence.

Donatello flinched as Raphael touched his shoulder.

He had never loathed contact more.

Somewhere far away in his mind a door was opened.

They all jumped at the sudden crash from within his lab. The room where Leonardo was still lying unconscious.

The tiny cells in his brain suddenly made a connection to the rest of his body.

And he was off, shoving Raphael roughly off of him and bolting after Michelangelo.

Raphael jumped up to follow, picking himself up quickly.

Splinter; reflexes quicker than ever, shot out and grabbed his most passionate son's shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

Everything was happening so fast, toofast...

Raphael stared after his two younger brothers as he heard the door to Donatello's lab slam shut.

He shrugged off his sensei's hand, gently as possible even though he was livid and angry, and silently seethed as his master told him to give his brothers time to work things out by themselves.

He was fucking sick of just letting _fate_ work things out.

It hadn't exactly given them a good deal so far!

He felt like an even bigger failure for sitting on his ass and doing nothing.

He didn't want to have to deal with all this _god damn_ guilt!

Splinter left silently giving him a careful look disguised as a warning.

It was kinda funny, in an incredibly fucked up way.

Just when he thought things couldn't get any worse...

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His mind was a blur of needs and wants.

He ignored the two shouts from his master and brother, totally uncaring about whatever the hell they wanted to say and ran past his frozen mate who was looking like an icy popsicle.

He made a beeline for the room where Leonardo was knocked out in.

If Leo had just _**accepted**_ them.... Master Splinter had said....if he hadn't been so....

Michelangelo flew into the room and completely lost himself.

...Donnie and he could have been _happy_ together!! All they needed was themselves, they didn't need blessings or any of that stupid crap!

He pushed over machines, crashed the metallic devices to the ground and made his way to the turtle that was currently making his life hell without even being awake to know it.

His tears grew heavier, in hate, guilt, love and pain.

He raised his hands to shake the sick turtle, to slap him, to yell at him, to make him hurt.

'_You're so stupid Leo_!' he wanted to shout into his older brothers pallid unconscious face.

Mikey barely heard the door slam behind him; he was so beyond anything.

Just as his hands were about to descend to slap and shake awake the sick blue-masked ninja two olive hands caught his wrists.

He sucked in a sharp breath and felt everything quiver and implode inside of him.

Donatello's eyes widened.

Michelangelo flung himself around, only catching a glimpse of purple before striking forwards.

Mikey roughly kissed him and quickly backed Don against the desk of medical supplies making the table bump and scrape backwards at the impact.

His hand shot up and forcefully gripped his brother's jaw forcing his mouth open.

The table hit the wall stopping their progress and he took the opportunity to thrust his tongue inside the other turtle's mouth, tangling it wetly with Donnie's.

His other hand scrambled over the older turtle's plastron, quickly untying his belt and tying the others hands with it, not hearing the noise of shocked protest.

He trailed his hand down lightly and then moved to grip the purple ninja's thigh painfully hard.

Donatello choked, unable to breathe as his younger brother suckled his tongue and brutally shoved his legs apart.

A knee was suddenly pushed upwards forcing him to become half on and half off the table.

Donnie choked again and Mikey withdrew only to push forwards again and gently bite his tongue, dragging his teeth along it before breaking away.

Donnie wrenched his head sideways from the bruising grip on his chin to force his brother's mouth off.

He panted and stared at the turtle who was pinning him forcefully to the table of medical supplies.

Way too fast...

He didn't want this....

"Let go"

Michelangelo didn't move an inch, his knee still forcing one of Donatello's legs up and apart, one hand still harshly gripping his thigh and the other still forcing his chin to face towards the orange ninja.

"Mikey _let go_!"

Donnie faltered at Michelangelo's piercing stare, tears still clinging to his orange mask and leaving tracks down his cheeks.

The one thing he possibly loathed more than Master Splinter's disappointed stare was when Michelangelo cried.

It cracked him in every way, tearing his heart to shreds until there was nothing left but misery.

But this, everything...this was horrible. This was forbidden.

"Master Splinter-"

The reaction was instantaneous.

Donatello cried out as Michelangelo bit down on his neck and started sucking, his tongue pressing flat to lap and tease the skin, slowly gliding upwards, his hand wrenching Donnie's head backwards so that he could play with the human equivalent of an Adams apple.

"Mikey... don't!"

His voice was strained and body betrayed him as his breathing started to increase.

His mouth fell open indecently.

His body began to warm.

This was wrong, so wrong...

Michelangelo wasn't like this; he wasn't supposed to be forceful and rough. He was funny and playful.

He was upset, letting his emotions overrule common sense.

This was wrong...

"...so wrong"

He didn't even realise he'd said it out loud until he was receiving a vehement reply.

"_**No!**_"

Suddenly Mikey's mouth pulled back from his bared throat and his hand was forcing his head back to stare at him.

The hand that had been painfully gripping his thigh very slowly started sliding upwards towards his ass.

He breathing increased as he tried not to lose it, the friction making his thigh shake and burn with need, Michelangelo forcing him to look at him.

"It's _**not**_ wrong! Leo's _wrong_, Master Splinter's _wrong_!"

Tears threatened to spill over in his ocean blue eyes again as he stared at him pitifully.

"Donnie..." Michelangelo said in the most heart-breaking voice he'd ever heard his mate utter, "I love you..."

He ducked his head and let his lips trail down the purple ninjas jaw line, nuzzling into his throat as he reached his neck.

"I love you"

Mikey's moving hand slowly reached its target and glided a single finger along Donnie's ass, up over his entrance and gently cupped and squeezed his tail.

Donatello gasped sharply, starting to struggle against the hold his younger brother had trapped him in.

"Mikey, we're not allowed-"

He was cut off.

"-Please, Donnie....-"

"-Master Splinter-"

"-I love you...-"

"-Leo-"

"-I love you!-"

"_Mikey_" Donnie hissed, his eyes darting towards the unconscious figure of their older brother just metres away.

Donnie continued on, even as his words got more and more strained as his tail was squeezed.

"i...if he wakes up and finds us...if Master S..Splinter..."

"I could always gag you, if you're scared of making noise" Mikey grinned through his tears, licking his lips teasingly.

"T...that's not the point!!" he bit back a whimper as his tail was lifted up and rubbed.

He tried to draw himself up more demandingly, even though his hands were bound and he was pinned to a table, with Mikey fucking his tail with his hand.

"M...Michelangelo stop!" the purple ninja demanded as his orange brother dropped to his knees and peered up at him from between his legs.

He flushed as his gaze fell on their brother again.

"_Ah_!"

He temporarily lost his breath as Mikey softly nipped him.

Mikey stood and guided Donnie to sit fully on the table, letting go of his tail and lifting him under the thighs so that his legs were spread wide open.

Donatello's cheeks warmed at what he knew was the equivalent of a human blush.

"We're not allowed-"

He was cut off by the determined smack of his little brother's mouth against his own.

"I don't care if we're not allowed, I just want you..."

Mikey's voice dropped to a whisper in his mate's ear.

"...hot and heavy, here with the Mikester to take care of you..."

He started sucking the inside of his leg, turning Donnie's thigh pleasantly wet with saliva.

Donatello trailed off breathlessly moaning as Mikey head got closer and closer towards his body.

"N..Nrgg,...mmh"

He tried to struggle away and find the strength to talk.

"..S..stop Mikey..."

Mikey lifted his head and looked into his eyes.

"...Don't you like me anymore Don?" he asked his eyes looking like giant crystals, wet and sparkly, "don't you love me?"

That was a low blow, even for his big-mouth brother.

Don turned his head away and clenched his teeth, hurt and refusing to answer.

Michelangelo took that as a cue to continue, returning his head to nuzzle it between the purple ninjas legs and rub his beak up until he got to the slit that kept Donatello concealed.

He let his tongue gently poke out and licked the gates once, loving how the turtle above him shuddered, shaking as he began to open up. Mikey stopped and hovered over it letting his breath puff out onto him.

"Dooonnnnnnnnnie" he whispered in his most sultry voice, "I wanna suck you off"

"Don't" Donnie tried gasping weakly as his resolve to keep fighting quickly melted away at their proximity.

Dirty talk was on Michelangelo's repertoire.

"I'll let you cum on my face, if that's what you want..." Michelangelo grinned cheekily, his eyes still wet and moved up to Donatello face capturing his mouth in a slow kiss.

He broke it off sweetly and nuzzled his way back down his trembling body.

"Or I could, like put my big mouth to another use..."

Words were gone as Michelangelo nibbled around his elder brother's entrance and nuzzled his thighs.

Donatello's hole puckered.

Deciding he liked playing with his mate's entrance he licked around it a bit and slowly pushed his tongue in.

Mikey rolled his eyes backwards for several moments as the heat and tightness shot straight down his body.

He let his hand fumble down his own chest plates teasingly and suddenly grabbed himself, letting his cock slip out of the gates that held him in.

Mike pulsed hotly in his own hand.

He began to thrust his tongue into his elder brother's entrance and matched them with his hand.

The room was filled with the sounds of Donatello erratic breathing.

"M..._Miiiiiiikey_......"

He stopped, letting go of his own cock, moaning and whimpering around Donnie's entrance and felt pre-cum slowly trickle down himself until a single stream reached his thigh and disappeared down the planes of his leg.

Michelangelo shifted groaning at the slickness between his thighs.

"....."

He moved his mouth up and kissed Donnie's slit again.

Don was so warm and trembling against his lips, he could almost feel his heart-beat through the swelling skin.

He kissed the small opening again and again occasionally licking and sucking to make the larger turtle writhe.

Just when he knew Donnie was just about to drop down he opened his mouth as wide as he could. Suddenly Donnie was hot and hard inside of his mouth, his tongue full of a juicy cock to devour. Cradling his mate tenderly he took a small testing suck.

"Ahh....hmmmmm..."

The intimacy of Donatello's groan made him catch fire.

He took one good long suck, trying to pull as much of the taste as he could out of Donnie before pulling away and crushing their mouths together cutting off Donatello's cry.

Mikey explored his open mouth dragging their tongues wetly together, sharing Don's taste between them.

"Donnie...let the Mikester take care of you" he murmured against his mouth.

The purple ninja didn't reply as he squirmed and panted.

Giving up he pushed his hips forward in silent shame.

Not being the one to deny his most precious turtle anything Michelangelo took that as a 'yes' and dragged his mate towards the edge of the table so that he could stand and line them up for something mind-blowing.

He moaned at the thought of what he was about to do.

Just as he was about to join them Michelangelo heard the small but persistent sound that scalded just about every nerve in his body.

Donatello churred for him quietly as he bucked up, ready, legs and ass open, wanting to be taken.

No longer hesitating Michelangelo grinned and butted his face gently against the others.

The tightness burnt him as he pushed in letting Donnie squeeze wonderfully around his cock.

The sounds of his mate's rhythmic churrs sent something primal and needy through his system.

Unable to take the intensity he began moving sensually, sliding out by an inch and then shoving back in two.

_Awww shell....._

The heat, the sweat, the churrs, their wet messy rhythm....

To his delight his own chest rumbled lowly.

Churrs started emanating from his insides, rising out to harmonically mix with his mate's.

He thrust in hotly trying not to squeal as more tears leaked out of his eyes. He tasted them briefly as they dripped down his chin.

He tasted the salt and passion building within him.

Donatello's churring was getting louder.

He wrapped his legs around Mikey's shell trying to pull him closer, his body betraying him as the pleasure coiled tightly around him.

A single bead of sweat ran down Mikey's face and dripped onto the upper edge of Don's plastron with a splash.

They panted and moaned together, rocking the table with them.

Somewhere between the heat and churrs and slickness Donatello's bound hands had come up and looped over the top of Mikey's head and around his shoulders, holding the younger turtle tight to his body as their plastrons clacked together with each heavy thrust.

Spiralling higher and higher, Donatello moaned shamelessly and desperately into his ear.

"..Mikey....please, please, please, please, _please!_......"

Michelangelo lost to the open plea, already emotionally and physically worn and let out a long cry that he muffled into Donatello's sweaty neck.

He came hard inside of him, feeling some of his milky essence drip out of Donnie's entrance and trail alluringly down the insides of his legs.

He carefully pulled himself out and fell to his knees.

He went down on the elder turtle, sucking and trying to squeeze his cheeks together in a simulation of what he'd just got.

It took only a couple of seconds before Donatello cried out and Michelangelo had a big hot mouthful of his mate's milky white cum.

None of it splashed out and made it onto his face as he swallowed.

He looked up as Don's churrs quietened down and the elder turtle began to regain himself.

The sudden fear and pain that had led them to this position was abruptly reconfirmed inside of Mikey's mind as he caught a flash of blue in the corner of his eyes.

No.

No, no, no!

Mikey looked apprehensive as he leaned over and gently as possible untied Donatello's wrapped up hands.

He immediately cringed away expecting the kind of hit Raph usually thumped him with after he said something stupid.

He blinked when nothing came.

Donatello lay completely still for a few seconds breathing in and out deeply, partially resembling the breathing pattern they performed while meditating.

Except they never meditated lying on a table, with their mates cum trickling between their legs.

Donnie tilted his head at an angle.

He caught sight of Leonardo, feeling a huge wave of relief as the elder turtle remained completely unconscious and out of action.

Trying not to get himself too worked up he stared at his ceiling for a second, letting the air fill and then rush out of his lungs.

Breathing was too simple. It was almost all they required in life.

He let himself have the luxury of another deep breath.

Something shifted in front of him as he was reminded of the other turtle in the room.

There was a second of sweet blissful rest before he quickly pushed the Michelangelo off of him and took off shakily towards the door.

Mikey did a double-take.

What?

He swivelled in alarm, ignoring his satisfied body protesting and quickly ran after him as Donatello flung the door open.

"Donnie? Don?"

Donatello refused to acknowledge the calls and walked purposely towards his room, ignoring the stunned look he received from Raphael as they passed by.

He grabbed the handle of his door, when an aqua-green hand grabbed his shoulder.

He rounded on Michelangelo.

"What?" Donnie shouted ignoring how his voice cracked, "are you going to cry, beg me to sleep with you again?"

Mikey reeled back at the venom of his brother, opening his mouth to protest.

But Donatello continued, losing his calm.

"Are you going to pin me to the table, say I love you, _guilt_ me into it again?"

Mikey gasped.

"Are you going to tell me that's it's still not wrong? Are you going to ignore me every time I say stop?"

Oh... oh god, Mikey started to verge on panic, a horrible realisation coming to mind.

Had he, he had...._forced_ Donnie to....

No! That wasn't....he couldn't...._nononono_!!

As if reading his thoughts Donatello growled at him, his eyes two dark shiny beads.

"If I _really_ didn't want it I would have screamed for Raph or something-"

Mikey let out a breath he hadn't been holding only to have it taken away from him again.

"You, _you_..._just...don't...get it!"_

Michelangelo always hated how Donatello told him he didn't understand things...

"I'm sorry Michelangelo but it's over. There's nothing more, there's nothing left!!"

Donatello turned around wrenching his door open, facing away from him.

"No one approves, it can't work."

His throat seized up violently as the purple ninja yelled at him.

" It's over, over, _OVER!_"

..._Ov-er?_

"... It's done!"

He slammed the door in his face leaving Michelangelo stunned.

He let his eyes well up in tears again.

They steadily slid downwards marring his already damp face.

What had he done? ...

808080808

The cotton pressing down against his ears slowly lifted.

The first thing he noticed was that he was tired.

_So tired_.

Everything was made of lead.

His eyes, his arms, his legs, even his head felt like it was too large and heavy to sit properly on top of his shoulders.

The temptation of remaining asleep in this warm cosy place was almost overwhelming.

He was fighting himself.

His own stubborn will raced through his veins.

Leonardo wasn't letting himself get this far and then suddenly giving in, he had to keep fighting it...

Wasn't he the one who always got up first in the mornings to have tea with Master Splinter? Wasn't he the one who trained the most to be the perfect ninja? Wasn't he the eldest and therefore most responsible? Wasn't he the one who had leadership on his shoulders?

Although his body screamed at him to stop, he threw away the toasty blankets.

It was hard, really hard.

His head swum as he finally got his eyes open.

He had never been one to give up on anything that easily.

Still, he wondered why his vision was so dark and blurry...

Were the walls moving or what that just him? He was abruptly back on that boat again, swaying him from side to side.

Disorientated his nose caught scent of an intoxicatingly attractive smell.

He breathed in deeply.

His eyes drifted shut.

It made him feel unexplainably hot.

He tried to move to get closer, to try and bathe in the wafting trails of irresistible odour.

He let the aroma wash over him, making him feel strangely warm and needy and gave up, slumping back into the covers.

Leonardo fell into a heavy doze wondering what the hell was going on.

He let himself find comfort in the blankets and the weirdly arousing scent coming from just metres away.

808080

The next time he woke he felt considerably less tired and in pain.

He tried shifting and was glad that his muscles responded, admittedly a bit sorely but still functional.

His eyes cracked open and he recognised the dark ceiling of Donatello's lab.

For some reason he had a headache.

Wincing his stomach sharply protested to his movements.

Immediately as he nudged his arm, shifting to get comfortable he felt the dull ache of what he knew must have been drugs injected into him.

Donatello...

He tried to frown but couldn't really find the heart to.

Recovering naturally always seemed better for him, more pure in a way.

He lay there for several minutes regaining his bearings and slowly let thoughts flow back into his sleepy mind.

The first thing he wondered was how long he had been out and whether or not his body would allow him to sit up.

He shifted, his stomach swirling uncomfortably and decided that he would keep lying, at least until the nausea passed.

The second thing that came to his mind was the fight with the purple dragons.

Worry quickly replaced his somewhat calm ocean of feelings.

There were a million questions he wanted to ask like, were his brother's ok? Did they make it out of the fight alright after he'd...he'd gone down? What happened to the truck and purple dragons? Did their sensei figure out what had happened?

_Would they ignore him again?_

He tried not to give the last one any thought as the familiar ache of sadness seeped into his stomach.

Instead he cast away any deeper thoughts as he drifted back into sleep again, his body demanding that for once he just lie down and rest.

808080808

He woke up a third time to hear voices around him.

He vaguely heard Donatello's voice, although he couldn't quite catch all the words.

"....Stress and the virus.....bruising...head......."

He felt the blankets being tightened around him as a furry hand laid itself on his forehead.

The comfort of that touch made him drift off again.

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Leo woke up feeling like it was a normal day.

It even took him a few moments to remember why he was even in Donatello's lab, wrapped up in a nest of blankets.

The soreness was still there, like a constant ache had attached itself to his body.

It was a minor annoyance and nothing like before.

Oddly his stomach felt like it was filling with bubbles.

Uncomfortable, but manageable.

"Way to go Leo"

Leo refused to acknowledge how the snap made him flinch as he quickly sat up and swivelled around to look at one of his younger brothers.

His world swayed once, but then levelled out.

Donatello looked at him and stared.

The first thing Leonardo immediately picked up on was the change in his brother's demeanour.

The purple ninja looked...different....

After years of looking out for his brothers it was painfully easy to pick up on the things between the lines.

Hurt and anger was clear on Donnie's face.

He looked deeper.

There was worry, stress....a whole multitude of negative emotions.

Leo quickly darted his eyes away not wanting to see if relief was also presenting itself on his siblings face.

Was Donnie glad he was ok? Or was he snapping at him because he'd woken up at all?

"How long have I been out?" Leo asked shifting and sitting up properly as his body sorely adjusted.

Donatello looked at him for a few seconds before sighing; sounding unusually frustrated.

Leo tried to ignore the hostility and stay normal in front of his brother.

"Three days Leo, the virus you caught only became really bad after you forced yourself to keep going... even when you needed rest"

He nodded ignoring the uneasy feeling in his stomach and accepted the fact for what it was.

Leonardo cleared his throat hesitantly.

"Uhh...is everyone ok?...I mean, after I....you know,...did we make it back alright after the fight?'

Annoyance laced across Donatello's features temporarily.

"Yes" he said stiffly.

Leonardo tried not to cringe at his brother's pissed off face.

Swallowing silently he looked at Donatello as the purple ninja turned around, facing his shell towards him.

He really didn't want to ask it, knew it was tossing petrol onto the flame, but knew deep, deep down that he was obligated to, as the big brother and leader.

Even if he knew he was just going to make things worse.

"...Are you ok Donnie?"

Sure enough Donatello froze and then rounded on him.

"Oh, what do you think Leo?!?"

The outburst was fast and rambling.

A sense of déjà vu came over Donatello as he reminisced on the night he'd yelled out all his feelings for Mikey while his big brother had still been away.

" Yeah we're all just _peachy_ because you got yourself sick from stress, got beaten up enough in a fight to bruise your head and faint and then got Master Splinter on me and Mikey's case!... yeah I'm _brilliant_ Leo, brilliant!"

The question couldn't even leave his mouth before Donnie answered it for him.

"You got your damn wish! After we got back from the fight Master Splinter officially told Mikey and me that we were better off being _just brothers_"

_**...**_

"I hope you're happy"

He didn't even blink as Donatello roughly grabbed his arm and shook him before letting go, flinging his arms out angrily.

Donatello was acting a bit like Raph; he was miserable and angry.

Leonardo didn't feel relief or happiness for the fact.

The opposite actually, he felt his blood running cold, guilt falling on him more acutely than ever.

It was weird how he'd fought so hard to keep Don and Mikey apart and then when he finally got his wish, he realised that maybe it wasn't the best idea after all.

Master Splinter decided the same as him and broke them up...now Leo just felt empty as he looked into the normally calm face of anger that his brother held.

It wasn't working.

Without Don and Mikey together their family was falling apart even faster.

He had tried so hard to keep them apart and their family together.

Now that he'd succeeded in doing that everything had reversed, they were now falling apart faster.

All because he had believed that splitting them apart was the best course of action.

"I'm...sorry Don"

Donatello's eyes seemed to catch on fire at the statement.

He was again making things worse. So much so being the "fearless leader".

"You're sorry!! You're _sorry_!?!? Well sorry doesn't cut it _Leo!_ You broke me and Mikey up even though you didn't even have the authority to, you've been running us into the ground with training for the past few weeks, you manage to get yourself somehow so worked up that a simple virus causes you to faint in the middle of a battle, Master Splinter finds out what happens and makes it doubly final that me and Mikey can never be together, you've made Mikey cry, fought with Raph, worried me for the past few weeks and all you can say is '_I'm sorry'_ ?!?!?"

Leonardo couldn't look at his younger brother.

"I've had my reasons Donnie" he mumbled trying to make things seem a little more excusable.

Donatello threw his hands up above his head in absolute exasperation.

Once again, another bad move by Leo.

"I'm angry, Raph's angry, Mikey's hurt, Master Splinter is clueless and you're telling me that you've had some sort of _good_ reason for doing all of this to us!"

In all honesty Leo realised, it was his own selfishness that had been their downfall.

He had fought so, so, so _hard_ to keep everything together!

How could he just tell Donatello what was going through his mind?

Burdening his brother with something unnecessary was on the lists of things he would punish himself for if he ever let happened.

Could he honestly tell his sibling, who was standing in front of him in anger, everything that was flying through his mind?

Would he understand or would it create an even larger rift between the valley that had appeared between them?

Deep, deep down he knew there was only one answer.

"I only trained you guys so hard because I thought that it would help distract you from the pain....and lust you must've been feeling for each other"

Donnie snorted shaking his head.

Leo knew something like that was coming. He silently prepared himself for the scientific game that would throw his words right back at him.

"You know that that only works for you Leo, none of us ever get into the whole training to forget thing! So either you've been hiding something from all of us ever since you walked in on Mikey and me or...or...."

Donnie's speech suddenly slowed as he stared at the older turtle.

He looked at Leonardo, dumbfounded for a second and suddenly moved closer as if seeing him for the first time.

"That's what was wrong wasn't it?"

Donatello's eyes were like vacuums sucking him in and he tried to scoot back at their close proximity.

This was the beginning of the end for the once honourable blue ninja.

"We could all tell that there was something beneath the whole incest is destructive thing. Something more behind your reasons to break us up! I was just too upset about Mikey to think in any detail! You were trying to hide...to forget something!"

It was strange how their conversation could turn so fast from Donatello as the upset aggressor to suddenly Donatello, the curious scientist who wanted answers, eager to solve his latest complicated equation.

"Look Donnie, there's nothing. I'm fine..."

Donatello looked at him and Leo knew that his brother didn't buy a word he'd just said.

"You call this fine?"

Donnie gestured to him sitting weakly on the table.

"You don't have to keep it all in" he said carefully, looking as though each word was chosen with intricate delicacy.

Donatello cleared his throat.

He had that contemplative look on his face, the one that meant deep thoughts were flying around his mind.

"I.... you know bottling up all your emotions.... I'm sorry that I haven't been around as much to, you know...talk Leo"

Leonardo stared uncomfortably.

He now felt rather out of place. He wasn't really sure what to say.

He was getting an apology from the brother who had been yelling at him angrily two seconds earlier.

He wasn't exactly sure why Donatello was even bringing this up at the moment anyway.

Did it matter that he bottled up emotions?

It was making his head hurt.

Donatello continued on.

"Now I'm asking you a simple question, the one that could probably solve this entire thing and you won't answer it. What's wrong Leo?"

His brother could be downright sneaky and persuasive when he wanted to.

That was it. This conversation was getting into territory Leonardo wasn't sure he could handle.

"You wouldn't understand" Leo snapped, unable to take the feelings that had been so close to breaking him for the last few weeks.

"Ahh so there is something you're trying to hide" Donnie said quickly looking intrigued.

The damn smart-ass.

"I never said that" he growled quickly looking away.

"But that doesn't mean it's not true"

"Look I know how it feels to be trying to hide something Leo, I did it for a long time when you were away with Mikey, I hid my emotions and one night I just...snapped. I couldn't hold in what I felt for him any longer..."

Donatello knew that it was probably a very bad idea telling the turtle who had separated them how they'd gotten together while _he_ was away.

But the quiet question that slipped from his brother's mouth a second later shocked him...

"You really love him don't you?"

He gaped at Leonardo then slapped his mouth closed.

Unsure.

That was the first thing he felt.

But there was no point lying to_ Leo_ of all turtles.

The blue-masked ninja would be able to tell if he was lying anyway.

Donatello nodded silently.

There was a pause.

"You're angry with yourself and him" Leo stated quietly looking down.

Donnie stared at Leo in astonishment.

"How did you-"

"I can see emotions a mile away...What happened?"

Donnie almost snorted, not sure if it was entirely appropriate to share the...intimate details of Mikey and he's little night.

His quick mind came up with a solution.

"I'll tell you, if you promise...on your _honour_, that you'll tell me exactly what it is that's been bothering you"

Leo's face went through a weird spasm of emotions.

It took less than 2 seconds.

Leo paused, faltered and then finally looked deep into Donnie's eyes and nodded.

Donatello took a deep breath.

He explained exactly what had happened from the moment Leo fell unconscious during the fight, about Master Splinter and about Mikey and the force he'd used during sex, how he'd guilted him into saying yes.

He talked about all the concern and anger and guilt they'd been feeling towards him because of their actions. He talked about everything that had happened from a perspective Leo hadn't even considered before.

Leonardo looked thoughtful, a little bit disgusted and guilty after Donnie had stopped talking.

"You know I woke up for a couple of seconds that night and I thought I smelled something a little...unusual"

Donatello blushed and tried not to squirm under the blue ninja's intense gaze.

"I'm surprised you're taking this all so well, seeing as how you disapproved of this so much before the whole purple dragon incident" Don muttered fiddling with his hands.

Leo looked sad before his mask of perfection covered it up.

"I still don't approve of you guys-"

Donnie felt his heart sink, knowing all this was too good to be true.

"-unless you can prove to me that it is not destructive to our family, that the benefits will outweigh all the moral obscenities"

His head snapped up and stared at his brother.

That was...did he just say...?

"I'm sorry for hurting you and Mikey Don. I can see that you were helping our family stick together..."

Donatello looked concerned.

"Leo...what's wrong? What's _really_ wrong?"

It was one of the few times Leo hated that his brothers could read him so well, even when he bottled things up and his behind his mask.

"You said you would answer, on your honour..." Don gently reminded.

Leonardo didn't wear his heart on his sleeve. For his family he would do anything, even sacrifice his own feelings for the greater good.

How the hell was he going to explain this?

He clenched his fists under the covers.

Maybe he could still do subtle in a seemingly impossible situation.

"I guess you could say I was jealous..."

Oh no, nononono...

Donnie stared at Leo with rising apprehension.

Ok maybe he was jumping to conclusions a bit too fast here...

Because he was a terrible, terrible, terrible turtle if Leo was about to say what he thought he was.

He didn't mean, he couldn't possibly....

He liked Leo as a team member, a consultant, a brother, a _brother_!

Another even **worse** thought sprung to mind.

Michelangelo.

Mikey...no!

No matter how mad he was at the orange ninja right now he would never give him up for anyone else, not even his own brother.

Leo caught the look on his panicked face and managed to crack a weak smile using his miraculous powers of mind reading.

"Don't worry Don, I'm not about to proclaim incestuous love for you or Mikey if that's what you're looking so worried about"

Don felt relief flooding through him.

"So why were you jealous then?"

It was much easier to question Leo when he was able to breathe.

The eldest turtle paused, considering words.

...

Leo was screwed.

He tried talking slowly to prolong the inevitable.

"I was jealous of you two...but not _because_ of either of you"

Donnie was silent, tossing the statement around in his head and trying to make sense of it.

"You were jealous of us, but not because of us?..."

He looked at Leo for an explanation.

"I was jealous of what you two had" Leo elaborated, "Because I knew that I would never get it with who I want"

Donnie stared at him in shock.

He had never even considered anyone apart from him and Mikey....

He jumped as Leo smacked his hand down loudly.

"I can't get jealous! I'm not supposed, _not allowed_ to feel these things as the leader"

Don stared at him incredulously.

Leo's gaze was strong as he looked up sharply.

His teeth clenched.

"If I hadn't been...I..."

Leo seemed to clog up, too many things trying to push out all at once until nothing could escape at all.

Donatello hated seeing his brother's struggle; something about it was just naturally wrong.

The eldest turtle already had to deal with so much. Fate couldn't just leave him alone and let him take a breather.

The "responsible" big brother had always suffered by himself. It pained him to think that he'd always just taken Leo's controlled composure for granted.

"Leo-"

Leonardo rounded on him, surprisingly strong for being bedridden and dragged him forwards.

"Donnie I think I'm in love with Raph! How the _hell_ am I supposed to deal with that?!?"

And there went any rational thoughts.

They were so caught up in the moment neither of them noticed a shadow just outside of Donatello's lab door.

The figure stood rigid in shock, the concealed hands gripping a pair of red Sais out of habit.

Raphael quickly turned away and fled back to his room.

_F__uck!__..._

REVIEW!


	5. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love) and incest (or _**turtlecest**__) _and sexual themes/references. NC-17. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Authors Note: Thank you to all those who reviewed last chapter and those who are reading this.

Enjoy!

It was _painfully_ obvious.

It was the kind of obvious where he might as well have painted a sign on him proclaiming the fact to the entire world.

It was so fucking obvious that he didn't even have to guess whether or not everyone knew. He knew that they knew and they all knew that they knew it as well.

...

It was that freaking obvious!!

It was _**so**_ god damn obvious, like nothing had ever been before.

He had no idea what the hell was going on...

Raphael was sick of sitting on his ass and doing nothing.

He hated it.

Very typical of his nature, of his attitude, of how they all knew him to act.

It was made extremely clear to everyone in their household that he hated feeling the way he did at the moment.

So clear and obvious in fact, that no one had said a word about it...and honestly they didn't need to.

There was absolutely no doubt that everyone knew that Raphael hated feeling guilt, all the crap that Leonardo had put them through before and since he fell unconscious.

He hated the way every time he went into Donatello's lab to check up on their elder brother his throat would clog up, like Mikey's nunchucks were stuck down his windpipe or something and he would have to smash back the feelings of hurt and pain and guilt to prevent a repeat of the tears he'd shed so long ago while Leo had been close to death at the farmhouse.

That was the worst thing...the worst thing he could ever face.

The enormity of unfairness wanted to slam him face down on the floor.

He didn't deal with emotions particularly skilfully...if that wasn't the hugest understatement of the year.

Therefore he either avoided Donatello's lab with insurmountable stubbornness even as he was drawn to the room or watched the still form of the blue ninja from the shadows until his mouth started to burn and his eyes became disgustingly moist.

He hated those times the worst, he _hated_ them.

The times when guilt and pain threatened to flow over his tough guy masculinity, the times when it was obvious that Leonardo actually meant something to him and wasn't some annoying bug that he wanted to squish with the heel of his toe.

Therefore it was only natural for him that when he heard Donatello's shout coupled with the sounds of Leonardo's low voice that he was out of his room in two seconds flat and pressing up against Donnie's lab door to get a glimpse of his recovering brother.

He wouldn't call it _eavesdropping..._

He hadn't even intended to listen; it was just a stealth game for his training...

...And Leo _**was**_ always telling him to train more.

Raphael regulated his breathing even though he lacked the real focus to stay perfectly silent and stood still, gripping his sais out of habit.

The tone of his brother's voices froze his feet, sunk him into the floor he was standing on.

Just when he didn't think he could be more shocked by the fact that this was the second time he'd heard his calm purple bother shout in the past week, he heard the argument he knew was going to end badly...

His golden eyes widened under their red framing.

Natural instinct helped him to still and focus, to tense his muscles in expectation.

Raphael knew that it was probably supposed to be a private conversation by the way Donnie and Leo were swearing on Leo's honour and shit.

It was pretty damn obvious that whatever they were talking about was about to get serious.

Raph couldn't unfreeze his own damn body and turn away even when he knew he should have done the "right" thing and left to respect Leo and Donnie's privacy.

Something, something big inside of him, something he couldn't possibly explain to anyone who wasn't also feeling it told him to stop and listen.

He could not hear the small shrivelled part of his brain that still screamed common sense and honour.

Raph was curious... _and pissed off_.

He pushed himself closer to the small opening in the door.

The red-masked ninja wanted to get to the bottom of whatever the hell Leo's problem was, why his elder brother had been acting the way he had been.

It seemed like no matter how hard he tried he simply never understood where his older brother was coming from.

And then his body was off on its own again.

The sight of his elder brother through the door crack hiding in the shadows, fighting with Donatello was making him hot and lost.

He felt himself edging closer and closer as the crescendo of Don and Leo's fight grew to its climax.

Leonardo was talking about jealousy...because of Don and Mikey?? Was that why things had been screwed up between their family?...

A snarl rose in his throat.

A sudden spike of his own bitter envy, something that he couldn't possibly justify rose rapidly and boiling within him as Leo dragged Donnie close to the edge of the makeshift bed he was sitting on.

Fuck...no....

If Leonardo was going to belong to _**anyone...**_

...

No sensible or planned out thoughts made it through his thick skull as he acted on impulse.

He barely heard anything else until finally one clear sentence reached his tensed ears flooding out the rage that was unexplainably making him shake.

Someone flicked the off switch...

He stood rigid in shock clutching at his sais as the words hit him, uttered from his very own brothers mouth.

"_Donnie I think I'm in love with Raph! How the __**hell**__ am I supposed to deal with that_?!?"

Cue metal shutdown.

Fuck.

His thoughts suddenly switched off.

Blank.

Blank.

Blank...

Raphael fled.

808080

It must have been a really realistic dream.

His lab seemed real enough, there was nuts and bolts randomly scattered across the floor especially around some of his larger projects and computer desk.

His body felt solid and real...he was blinking, breathing, heart-beating and brain functioning.

Even Leonardo who was sitting on the hastily prepared bed in front of him looked real.

The pale look of a recovering virus victim still lingered around him but there was no doubt he was real... definitely real.

The blue ninja was real.

His elder brother was real.

All of Donatello's draws, shelves, computers, books, gadgets and tools even looked materialistic and touchable. They were real.

He wasn't being swallowed by the floor he was standing on, the ceiling wasn't crashing down, the air wasn't swirling and sucking him into a raging storm...

This was all real.

Had he actually just fallen asleep or was this all actually real??

Because Donatello just stood there with his jaw hanging open, eyes wider than they'd ever been before, arms draped limply by his sides while Leonardo continued to clutch at his shoulders looking at him in desperation.

His jaw felt like it wasn't attached to his face.

Suddenly understood the term "jaw dropped" very well.

Donnie stared at his brother unable to comprehend what Leonardo had just confessed.

And it was the first time in his life he'd been totally, utterly, completely gobsmacked to the point where there was nothing, absolutely nothing running through his mind.

...

His mouth opened and closed a couple of times.

...

His body was rooted in position, carved out of stone, still as ice.

...

...

...

And it wasn't even the words that were stealing his speech.

He knew that they all loved each other, all in a brotherly way.

But now saying "brotherly love" had lost just about all meaning at the moment.

Just by the way Leonardo had said it, in that tone that obliterated the line of "just brothers" and swept them into dangerous territory with such conviction and sincerity...it was enough to undo everything Donatello thought he knew about Leonardo Hamato.

...

...

"T...that's.....you.......you.... "

He sounded like he was being strangled while he spoke.

"_Love_?............... _**Raph**_???"

The need and anger and passion and vehemence drained away so fast from Leonardo's face that Donatello was sure he was going to run, his ninja reflexes springing into alert.

"L...Leo that's, that's....that's......-"

"I know alright" Leo snapped, "just forget it"

"-I...I...Leo....that's........You are_ unbelievable_!"

Suddenly his brain caught up with his tongue and he was able to melt out of his paralytic shock.

Donatello wanted to laugh in disbelief...in fact he did.

"You just told me you're in love with Raphael, our brother and you're seriously telling me to '_just forget it'_??"

Leonardo didn't reply.

Donatello stared at him, the disbelieving smile quickly wiping off his face.

"What happened to 'protecting the family?' what happened to 'incest is destructive'??"

Silence.

Donatello shook his head and stepped backwards, wrenching himself away from his brother's now slackened grip.

"You...you!...."

He couldn't even seem to finish the sentence.

He turned on his heel.

This was too much to deal with.

Donatello had read thousands of books, learnt and discovered libraries of information.

It was astonishing that one little sentence, one set of words all strung together in a particular structure could have so much affect on him.

How could 18 words joined collectively in one line change things so much?

Donatello looked backwards and over his shoulder threw Leonardo the most poisonous look Leo had ever seen his brother make, straight at him.

Slam.

_Crack._

If 18 words could have that much impact, than that one look doubled it.

Donnie stormed out words beyond him, only conveying his thoughts into the look and slammed the door shut, totally stumped and unable to even think about the severity and implications of Leo's admission.

_..._

Another shard of Leonardo's already bruised and battered heart chipped off and shattered as it hit the ground.

If his mission had been to make all his brother's hate him than he'd done it.

Leonardo had officially made Donatello, his usually calm, intuitive brother crack.

Leonardo looked down, staring at the strip of blue material that was hanging sadly over his shoulder from his mask.

Donatello thought he was a selfish turtle.

Leo was inclined to agree.

808080

There was nothing, nothing at all.

No other situation, no other circumstance, no other instance that he could think of where things could possibly get any more confusing and painful than they were now.

He paced his room, ignoring the sand and junk disbursed randomly across his floor.

_Urkk!_

Raphael wanted to scream until his lungs collapsed. He wanted to yell until his throat was raw.

Leonardo, his _brother_....

His god damn fucking brother...

He didn't even know how that was possible.

Why the fuck would Leonardo love him, _him_?? What the hell did Leo see him as?

Leonardo had fallen for the turtle that was constantly fighting him, the turtle who waltzed him on the thin line between hate and love...brotherly love?

....Or not so brotherly anymore?

It was like they were on a slide.

It was like they were just innocent kids that didn't know when rock bottom was rock bottom.

They just kept on sliding down and down not knowing if they would ever get to the bottom until _**bang**_, the misery of rock bottom hit with a sickening thud.

Even when things were already so bad and strained between them that their family was beyond saving, things could always get that little bit worse...

Maybe this time he had truly reached the bottom of the slide, the slide where rock bottom was waiting for him at the end, where there was nothing worse...where they couldn't possibly sink any lower.

And the absolutely _worst thin_g was that now that he knew how Leo felt, that he loved him, his body had decided how _he_ felt about Leo... even if his mind disagreed.

Raphael swung on his hammock restlessly.

If he thought the feelings of arousal were intolerable before...there was no way he was going to survive now.

Now that he knew there was some deep basis for the things Leo felt towards him, now that he knew Leo loved him, as in _really fucking loved him_ his body respond eagerly.

Within his room, where he'd been spending the most time over the last couple of days, he raised a shaky hand to trail down his plastron and cup the quivering skin between his legs.

Raphael had fingered himself for a while before getting hot enough that it was a challenge to pull his hand away from his throbbing cock.

It strengthened his resolve.

He had better control of himself than that. He wasn't some needy primate that couldn't control his own damn libido.

If Leonardo could go without sex than so could he!

It was like some unofficial challenge; who could hold out the longest; the game of who needs who the worst.

It was a mixture of discontent and relief.

Leo was oblivious to the fact that Raph knew about his feelings.

It was obvious that the blue-masked ninja's stealthy skills had gone out the window with the sheer amount of force and conviction Leo and Don were arguing with each other.

Raph forced his hand away as it yearned to trail and tease down his legs again, not wanting any part of his body to get more excited than it already was, willing his blood to stay cold like a god damn normal turtles.

There was only one way to maturely deal with this.

Run, screaming like a little girl, with his tail between his legs.

And Raph was going to do just that.

Oh yeah, because he was freaking _brilliant_ at _avoiding_ fights...

He was so fucked up.

'_And not in the good way' _his body screamed as the new cycle of hormones relentlessly pounded his blood.

808080

In the past when they were children the four mutant turtles used to play fun carefree games.

"Tag, you're it!" and "Ninja hide and seek" were among their favourites.

As they grew older slowly and subtly the games grew more serious, part of their training.

Master Splinter was a little sneaky like that; he tried to entice them into training with games like "ninja tag".

And as the sweet youngsters they used to be, they had followed their Master blindly and slowly continued growing over the years without even realising it.

Now they had each transformed into a graceful, lethal masters of martial arts and weaponry... all through the power of games.

So much had changed since their childhood...

Life was more fun **without** the games now.

Games had become just another word for training.

Training was just another place where tensions ran high as they tried to be stronger, get the advantage over one another.

Games were no longer games...

True games no longer existed for them.

Games were only another form of seriousness and hardness.

And at the moment they were playing the newest, most _mature _game any of them could think of, something even Master Splinter would not approve of.

The game of avoidance.

The one game Leonardo couldn't stand.

He hated it; he hated it more than he knew the others thought possible.

He was family oriented and it sliced through him...

Even though he was being a massive hypocrite, he still wished that Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello were all talking to each other and maybe just avoiding _him_.

He could deal with it if they were only mad at him, he had taken that feeling many times when he was in leader mode and forced them into extra training or patrols they didn't feel up to.

He hated when it wasn't only him that was being jumped around.

Donatello was avoiding him and Mikey.

The purple ninja crept around the lair, slipping from one room to another so fast that Leo only knew he was there by the slight breeze of wind.

He still tried talking to Donatello, to reason with him and to maybe try and convince him that things hadn't exactly turned out the way he planned either.

Who wants to be the responsible one? Who wants to fall in love with their own brother??

But the most he received back were annoyed glances and stiff words even when he'd tried to be civil with the second youngest turtle.

Even though Leo thought it was unfair that he'd spilled his heart out to Donatello, told him his deepest darkest secret and trusted him getting the cold shoulder was probably justified.

He was a bad brother and leader for unloading his secret onto Don.

Donatello thought he was selfish and at this point in time Leonardo would have to agree.

Leo also could tell why Don was avoiding Mikey.

The idea that they could just....right there.....after Master Splinter forbade them.....with him unconscious in the same room?....

It was just one more thing on the freaking _mountain_ of reasons why Raphael should have been the last thing on his mind at the moment...

That being said Raph of course was at the very centre of his thoughts.

The red-masked ninja, the second oldest turtle, the hothead of their group....

Raphael was avoiding the blue-masked ninja like he was diseased.

....and Leo had no idea **why**!

Even looking at the turtle was cause enough for Raphael to visibly grind his teeth together and stomp away.

Obviously they'd been in a fight before the whole purple dragon incident and there was obvious tension between the two of them....

.... But wasn't it enough that he got hurt?

Usually they would have come to some sort of peace by now...

He had never known Raphael to run away from his problems... except of course when he was dealing with deep emotions.

Emotions and Raph were like mixing two potent chemicals together. He was the most passionate turtle yet also the angriest.

And therefore Leonardo concluded the only thing he could possibly see, the only thing that was even plausible in Donnie's scientific terms if he gathered what he knew.

Maybe Raphael was avoiding him because he was angry that Leonardo had actually woken up after the fight?

Maybe he was avoiding him because somewhere deep in his heart Raphael obviously _hated_ him and wanted him gone, out of his life forever...

Leo didn't really believe that those particular thoughts were true.

He just couldn't figure out why his brother was really avoiding him.

Every time Leonardo tried to approach Raph, Raphael fled faster than he could even blink.

When Raph wanted to avoid someone he avoided the hell out of them.

Leo knew he didn't even have a chance catching him if he didn't want to be caught.

And on top of all that as if he didn't have enough to deal with, their master had inadvertently segregated them into the "good" turtle group which only consisted of himself and the "needs improvement" turtle group which consisted of Michelangelo, Raphael and Donatello.

Leonardo felt even more removed from his brothers as their master's punishment set in.

His three brothers had to do large amounts of extra training, meditation and sit through lectures about family and the bonds that held them together while Leo tried to stay low and silent.

'Recovering' as their sensei put it.

He could practically see three sets of eyes burn into his back as he quietly exited their normal training sessions.

At least Michelangelo and him had come to an unspoken agreement to avoid each other.

It was too awkward to be around his youngest brother ever since Donatello had not spared him a single detail of the night Master Splinter had broken the two up.

He couldn't believe that Mikey would crack like that, even under all the fake smiles.

He had hurt Don which meant he had hurt the family, something Leo was venomously opposed to.

Mikey was avoiding him because he was angry and upset at his previous actions.

The only moments they spent looking at each other were the seconds where Mikey would shoot the driest most faked smile he'd ever seen his little brother make towards him while Master Splinter was looking.

Everyone had their breaking points.

Leonardo's guess was that Mikey had reached his.

Secretly, while Mikey thought that no one was looking, Leo had seen the glassy hurt in Michelangelo's eyes as he shot Donnie forlorn, apologetic looks whenever Donatello peeked out his head from his lab.

Stiff and sneaky as ever, Donnie was avoiding his ex-lover as much as he could.

It was as if they'd never been together and happy in the first place.

And even though they were all keeping as far away from each other as possible, keeping to four separate corners of their home none of them dared leave the lair, not even Raphael to go see Casey...

It was a weird mix of intimidation, fear and contempt for each other and their father that kept them securely locked up in the lair under New York City.

The thick glue of family, guilt and rare responsibility seemed to have suddenly spurted over them.

Leonardo knew that as the "responsible leader" it was once again left up to him to fix things. The glue they kept them together wouldn't last forever and he could see it was already spread way too thinly across each and every one of them.

His heart was quickly wearing away, getting crushed by the familiar creeping feel of depression he'd felt one too many times.

...

Leo had an idea that could possibly save everything...

He hung his head, even though he hated the thought of what he knew needed to be done.

If it was the only way to perhaps restore even the slightest bit of hope and love to the family then he would do it.

He would go down fighting for his brother's happiness.

Because if there was anything he could do to help restitch whatever rags of their family were still clinging to it was his responsibility to try his hardest.

They all knew he would do _anything _for them.

There was no Donatello to consult, no Michelangelo to reassure and no Raphael to bicker with.

This was his own decision.

He would at least try to help rebuild his family, for his sibling's sakes.

He would fix them.

Even at the cost of his everything.

808080

"Enter"

Leonardo shuffled in and bowed at his sensei who sat in front of a row of meditation candles.

The old rat responded with a nod of his head, the glow casting haunting black shadows to lick along his bent frame.

The blue-masked ninja had never associated his sensei with shadows before.

Perhaps the aging rodent wasn't the shining beacon that Leo had always made him out to be. It was hard to accept that maybe his master was also just a regular person.

"What troubles you, Leonardo?"

The eldest turtle fell to his knees in front of their master with his head bowed in a sign of respect.

It was eerie the way their father could always sense that something was wrong before they'd even said a word.

Usually Leonardo felt it comforting.

Today with what he was about to ask him it did nothing but sap away his confidence drop by drop.

He took a deep breath.

"Sensei, I...I know that it may not be the most _appropriate_ time but I must ask you to reconsider some things"

The rat nodded his head, his tail flicking behind him.

Oh shell...

Leo caught the flicker and secretly wished he'd never come to ask this of his sensei.

Flicking tail equalled bad.

Even_ Mikey_ had learned that from their master.

Leo screwed up whatever courage he had left in his heart hoping that he was not making the single worst, most destructive decision he'd ever made in his life...

...He opened his mouth.

"The night I fell unconscious you told Mikey and Donatello that it would no longer be appropriate to continue their relationship..."

Splinter never really frowned...The only way that Leonardo could tell that the rat was disapproving was the subtle bunching of fur around his eyes and mouth.

Leo kept speaking knowing that if he didn't say the words now, he may not have the strength to force them out later and continue what he so desperately needed to do.

"I'm here to request your blessing for them again!"

A stronger, more violent whipping of the tail made Leonardo look up at their father and cringe.

He did not look happy.

"I was under the impression that you disapproved of your brothers..._partnering _Leonardo"

He had no idea how their master looked so calm on the outside but look so unimpressed with his eyes at the same time.

Leo cleared his throat uncomfortably trying to find the right words to avoid any disrespect.

"Yes that was true when I first found out about them sensei, but I've come to change my mind..."

"And what has changedyou into thinking that they would be better off with my blessing?"

Leo hated how he was already losing the calm disagreement between them even though they'd only just started talking.

Going against his father felt wrong to him, he dishonourable for doing what he was doing.

He kept his hands still as they tried to twitch.

"I have come to see that they are... in pain without each other"

At least it was the truth, nothing compared to what he was about to do.

"In pain" would have been a huge understatement anyway.

Don and Mikey were practically falling apart at the seams. Something inside of Leo died every time he saw another fake smile or a flinch of pain or longing.

"Leonardo, while it is _honourable_ that you would come to me on your brothers behalf I cannot give my blessing to something that allowed you, _my son_ to become hurt"

Leo knew this was coming.

He took another deep breath.

It was all inevitability, something he had riled himself up to do, something he **had** to do.

When he said _anything _for his brothers he meant it....

"Things weren't as they seemed sensei, that entire night was completely my fault-"

He did not allow his sensei to interrupt as the rat opened his mouth with a stern look.

"-I knew I was not well and went out anyway. I had given them all very good reasons to be angry with me because I disapproved of Mikey and Don's relationship and Raph and I had had a fight a few days earlier.-"

He hated lying to their master, even when necessary.

His brother's had given him everything, and even though they had disagreements it was time for him to return the favour.

"-They all stuck by my side and told me to stop and rest while I was obviously sick. I refused to listen to them and went out anyway. They all defended me until we got split up because of the intensity of the battle; it was entirely my own fault that I got hurt. They lied to you to protect me when we got back that night so that I wouldn't punished for my own foolishness"

The rare look of scepticism came across the old rats face.

Things were not adding up for the eldest.

No matter how well Leo could bottle up his emotions he'd never been able to get past the giant brick wall of their father.

"Are you speaking the truth my son?"

He knew that his sensei was not going to buy it.

Leonardo closed his eyes and weighed out all his options, the pros and cons, the implications that if he said yes his sensei knew that he was lying.

He was unable to ignore the fact that there were a completely unfair number of cons directed towards him if he went through with this.

He took a short sharp breath and stared at his beloved teacher and father.

So many things were going wrong in this family; would it really help lying to their teacher? To their father?

'Family before love...' his mind whispered to him.

He knew his answer had not, could not and_ would not_ change.

Leonardo would do the wrong thing if it meant that he was doing the right thing in the long run for his family, for his brothers.

No going back now.

"Yes Father, I am speaking the truth."

Splinter looked at him for a long time and Leo stared back evenly, using his most iron self control to control any twitching or shying away under the strong gaze.

A lashing whip of the tail and Leonardo remained perfect, staring determinedly into his teachers eyes.

"While I find it highly unlikely that you would do such a thing Leonardo; that you would be so _foolish_ in battle and then watch as your brothers get punished for your own mistakes you must face what you have done.... _if _you are indeed telling the truth..." Splinter said finally breaking his stare at his eldest son's face.

"You will receive extra training. I shall inform your brothers that they are no longer required for the extra hours"

His Master peered at him and Leo realised he was waiting for him to say something

"-And Mikey and Don's coupling?" Leo asked mentally flinching; knowing that that was probably not the thing Splinter was waiting for him to say.

There was a pause.

Flick.

Flicker.

The candles spluttered gently for a moment until the light wind of Splinter's tail passed.

"I'm sorry my son-"

_No._

"-I know you mean well but such relationships are not meant to be..."

His eyes widened.

He refused to let his own determination dim.

"With all due respect sensei Donnie's proved we aren't blood related-"

"-it is not a matter of blood my son, you are brothers in spirit and nothing more."

Somehow Leo felt he'd slipped up.

The finality of the words struck something deep within him.

Never before would he have persisted like this.

Now he was a blazing tower rearing to fight back for something that danced along his nerves.

Now he was not only fighting for Mikey and Don but also for the feelings he knew that Raphael would never know about.

He was fighting for his own feelings with Raph.

He had to somehow justify that he wasn't totally sick in his father's eyes.

"Master, who do we turn to if not ourselves?" Leo tried knowing that he was venturing into dangerous waters, "There is absolutely no possibility of a relationship with a human, the risk would be unspeakable. We're all that we have, brothers or not...surely you would prefer-"

"No."

For the first time Master Splinter looked slightly aggravated.

Leo knew very clearly now that he was stepping into unchartered territory.

And some sick part of him, deep down in the pit of his stomach was secretly enjoying the thrill.

He was defying their master's word, he was arguing for not only his brothers but for _himself_...

"Leonardo I am impressed that you would go such lengths to help your brothers. Such actions are very commendable as leader. However Donatello and Michelangelo's relationship will remain that of only brothers. I have obviously not taught you enough self control over the years..."

He was pushing his master's affection and respect for his opinions to the limit.

A swirl of courage came over Leonardo.

"I'm sorry sensei-"

Splinter's gaze softened as he reached out to touch his sons shoulder.

"It is alright my-"

"-But we're not like you."

Leonardo stared at his father straight in the eyes as the comforting hand fell away. It signified something much deeper than the simple movement.

He was pulling away from his father.

He was fighting him.

"You may have been able to survive without romantic love during _your_ life but we are different. Different turtles, different species, have different personalities and skills and traits. We are not like you Master Splinter-"

He took a deep breath.

"-you don't understand that..."

He delivered the final blow.

"...you're killing Don and Mikey by not letting them be together."

Leonardo abruptly got up, suddenly very unsure of his actions as that particular thought struck his mind.

The thrill of an argument with their father suddenly didn't seem that exciting anymore.

"Leonardo!"

He ignored his father's irritated call and kept walking, walking until he was out of his Master's room and striding towards his own.

"Leonardo!!"

Their father had every right to be angry at him.

The calls died away as he quickly jumped up the stairs, ignoring the shocked look he received from Mikey, the incredulous look he received from Don and the look he couldn't even decipher as he spied Raph hiding away in the shadows in the furthest most isolated corner of the lair.

He slammed the door shut of his room and looked around ignoring how the shuffled footsteps stopped, telling him that their Master was no longer following or calling him.

Everything he had put in there had been after Splinter's teachings, after what Splinter had taught him was right.

He ignored the murmurs from downstairs, the questioning voices and Splinters agitation and studied every single piece of ancient Japanese scroll he had received from the old rat. All the things he had tacked up on his walls.

Leonardo stood and looked at the one right beside his bed.

The best one; the most sacred; his favourite.

It was stunning, a true work of art.

The lines, colour, texture, tones...everything about it was just perfect.

It reminded him of Master Splinter.

Their debate flitted through his mind.

Hurt at the knowledge that his own father would never accept him another crevice was chipped into his heart.

Why was Raph avoiding him? Why couldn't Don approve that he had feelings for Raph? Why was Mikey always trying to hide behind his smiles? Why wouldn't their Master just accept them??

Leo growled lowly and eyed the perfect tapestry with growing resentment.

It was mocking him, showing him the perfection he could never have.

The perfectness was irritating, was this how his brother's felt about him all the time?

He closed his eyes, letting the feelings wash over him more intensely... and then snapped.

He spat at the paper and watched as his own saliva desecrated the beauty and ink, making big black lines run down his wall like fat discoloured tears.

He stared at it in fascination, the representation of himself.

So much like his life at the moment....

This was as close as he got to crying.

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...

".... hey sensei?"

"Yes Michelangelo?"

Mikey looked up at the furry rat they called their father in a concerned kind of curiosity.

"... Why are you giving Leo so many extra exercises even though training's already over?"

Michelangelo snapped his fingers looking suspicious.

"Heeeeyy wait a minute...and why were we let off so early today? Was it because we finally proved our worthiness yet? Because I am so worthy! In fact just call me Mr. worthy- the worthiest turtle in the entire world, which isn't really saying much considering-"

The rat cleared his throat as Raphael and Donatello looked up from their separate parts of the lair in curiosity also realising what Mikey said was true.

He raised his hand to silence Mikey's babbling and gave them all a rare hardened look.

Mikey's mouth closed and he gulped feeling the temperature around them suddenly cool.

Their sensei was in ultra-serious mode.

"Leonardo confessed to me that he, solely, was the one at fault for the night he fell unconscious and how you boys graciously covered for his mistakes."

_What??_

"This is his punishment for acting so recklessly and putting all of your lives in danger"

Michelangelo's mouth fell open to protest.

"What?" he blurted out.

No matter how annoyed Mikey was at his elder brother he wasn't about to let him take the blame for their actions _again_.

Their father's next words stopped him in his tracks not giving him time to defend the blue-masked ninja.

He heard Donnie dropping something on the other side of the lair with a small crash.

Splinter looked at them carefully, at Michelangelo and Donatello the closest of all.

"Your brother should have known better..." the old rat finally mumbled shuffling off, "he is the leader after all".

The rat stopped and turned around giving them a disapproving look.

"He also asked me to bestow my blessing upon Michelangelo and Donatello's... _partnership_"

...

"_He what_???" Raph snarled.

Everyone ignored him.

The only sounds were Leo's breaths and occasional grunts as he worked through katas in the dojo.

Mikey's eyes were blue and watery as he let out a small noise of disbelief from the back of his throat.

Leo had....no way, wasn't....wasn't he the one who originally....?

"Master?" Donnie finally prompted his voice slightly scratchy as he battled his suddenly dry throat.

Master Splinter frowned at them.

There was a tense moment that Mikey could see the word 'no' forming on their father's lips.

He could already tell that he was about to reiterate the fact that Donnie and him weren't allowed to touch each other.

But a particularly loud "gyah!" from Leo in the other room stopped their master as he looked down on them and the eldest.

"We shall see..." he said finally his brows sweeping downwards, giving the stark appearance of a man way past his time, making him seem that much older.

Splinter shuffled off and snapped at Leonardo as he went through the gruelling work harder than usual.

Ok so not only had they made their own lives hell, but they'd also managed to get their Master pissed off at them.

Unbelievable.

Suddenly Mikey was no longer confused why Splinter was suddenly treating Leonardo as if something was terribly wrong with him...

Leo had defended Don and him, even _lying_ to their master.

He looked towards the dojo sadly.

'_Oh shell.... Leo...._'

8080808

Leo was already panting in exhaustion as he redid the kata.

The blue ninja was exhausted after several hours of training longer than normal took a toll on him.

Leo bowed anyway as Splinter entered the room and launched into the new set of movements letting the sweat roll off him as if it was having no affect on his over-exerted body.

_Poor dude..._

Michelangelo stared and glanced at the clock.

Their master was going to push Leo until he could no longer stand...Or at least Leo was going to push himself.

Out of the corner of his eye Mikey saw Donatello creep into the living room with him and stare at the pair in the dojo incredulously.

"Leo...?" he heard Donnie asking softly as their elder brother refused to collapse under the fatigue of working hours and hours on end with their master.

Mikey decided to take a chance while Donnie was too distracted to run away.

"You know it might be better this way bro..." he said carefully to Donatello's 'thinking face' who was standing over on the other side of the room.

The sound of his voice seemed to snap his elder bro snapped out of it as he turned to look at him.

"What do you mean Mikey?" the purple-masked ninja asked quietly, ignoring how his gut squirmed talking to his younger sibling for the first time since Leo had woken up.

"At least Master Splinter hasn't, like said 'no' again..."

_Opps_, he hadn't meant to be so blunt.

He mentally slapped himself for being so stupid.

Smooth move Michelangelo...

It wasn't always great having shell for brains...

"If you count that as a positive" Don said frowning about to walk away again obviously not impressed.

Mikey flailed, desperately wanting to keep their talk alive after he'd been ignored for so many days.

"Donnie, wait up!"

He took a step to follow after him, determined to talk.

He was sick of waiting; Mikey needed reassurance that this wasn't going to go on forever, that things would eventually work out between them.

He was cut off by the purple ninja's voice overpowering his own desperate one.

"I'm still angry at you, you know"

That stopped Michelangelo mid-step, his heart automatically sinking.

"Wha?-"

Donatello crossed his arms over his chest, his shell to his younger brother.

"Mikey...that night...."

Donnie looked down, his frown etched deeply into his brow.

There was another wave of guilt, another layer of regret.

Michelangelo looked away unable to stand it.

There was nothing Mikey could do, no way he could retract his actions on that night and make it all better. He couldn't erase the hurt that he'd probably inflicted upon the turtle he just wanted to make happy.

"I...Donnie, even though I know it won't change anything...I'm _sorry..._for, like everything"

The ache in his younger brother's voice was something Don had never been able to stand no matter how old or how bad things got between them.

The purple-masked ninja shifted uncomfortably turning to face his little brother.

"...look Mikey-"

This time Mikey was the one who interrupted, needing to make sure his message got across.

"You don't have to say anything Don...I get it, it's over right?"

Michelangelo tried to shrug indifferently even when it was horribly obvious that it was forced.

He had to let Donnie know that he respected his thoughts and opinions...even if they shredded him up into little pieces.

He tried to sound mature and formal for them both.

"I'll just, you know, catch you when I see you...brother"

Donatello blinked at the word 'brother' noting how horrible and out of place it sounded when Mikey was using it to describe him.

They stood looking at each other awkwardly for a second before Donatello turned away again...only to suddenly take a step closer causing Mikey's eyes to widen.

Earlier just being in the same room as each other was amazing... who knew an apology could do so much?

"Just..."

Donnie cleared his throat, avoiding Mikey's eyes as he quickly and silently reached for one of his hands and entwined their fingers.

"Just give us some time Mikey...it...hurt to see you like that... I don't want to further complicate the equation while Master Splinter hasn't confirmed anything yet and Leo's acting all over-exerted and-"

Mikey let out the first small, _real_ grin he'd had in ages. Something as small and stupid as holding hands was making his heart swell with hope.

"Just call me Patience the turtle; I'll wait for as long as it takes Don!!"

Donatello let go of his hand and stepped backwards.

"Whatever you say Mikey" he said as he retreated back to his lab quickly looking adorably embarrassed.

Mikey grinned goofily, ignoring the presence of his other broody brother who they'd both temporarily forgot about in the shadows.

Well _that_ was a major improvement!

This morning Donatello wouldn't even stand in the same room as him....their conversation was only about 2 minutes long, like the shortest one he'd ever had with the purple ninja... but it was something other than avoidance!

Score 1 for Michelangelo!

Things were finally picking up for him...

He got a spark of life back...

His mood slowly lifted and he pumped his fist happily in the air.

It was tiny but it was enough to restore Michelangelo's fading spirit.

Maybe there was still hope...

808080

Oh wasn't this fucking brilliant!?

Of course everything had to be screwed up, so fucking screwed up!

Shit...

He was just about to go crazy, rip someone's head off or jump Leo the next time he passed him and fuck his big brother into the ground...whether he was willing or not.

He could already imagine the perfectness of the moment. Leonardo seemed to carry his perfection everywhere he went and Raph had no doubt that it also would extend to the bedroom after he became comfortable.

Raph's body practically lapped up the imaginary images of Leo groaning in his ear, writhing, pushing up against him hot and hard, hips elevated and spread open in an invitation to be fucked raw and messy.

Raphael turned his head in disgust as the fantasy swum around in his head and refused to die. It stuck to him like sticky honey and no matter how hard he tried to suppress it, it left a burning aftertaste on his skin.

He just wanted to get a grip, control his own body enough so that he didn't have to constantly avoid Leo to stop his hormones from going haywire!

And on top of that he still he couldn't stop thinking about it, about the fact that Leo was in love with him.

_Him, Raphael_, the turtle that had almost killed him in the past, the turtle that had caused him the most pain and anger and resentment.

The more and more he stood still and kept to the shadows the more restless and sick of it he got.

He wasn't accomplishing anything; he was being totally useless to everyone around him.

He hated running away like a fucking wimp.

In any normal situation he would have confronted the situation head on.

Somehow Raphael had to make their muddled ball of issues and crap normal again.

As much as he hated to admit it, as much as he wanted to keep as far away as possible from the blue ninja in their household at the moment, he knew that Leo was of course, at the bottom of what was causing the tightly wound string of emotions to burn and twist in his stomach.

Maybe he could somehow convince Leo to fix the infuriating things happening to his body every time he was around the eldest.

He could ask for one night with no strings attached...

Anything had to be better than this!!

Raphael slunk back into the shadows and hopped up to his room wondering when the hell Master Splinter was finally going to stop the relentless training that had Leo standing dead on his feet.

He thought about what he was going to say, about how on earth he was going to convince his uptight brother to somehow agree to do this thing with him.

...How he was going to confess that he already knew about Leo's feelings about him.

No situation Raphael could cook up gave him a scenario where Leo was going to be happy with him, to the fact that he had eavesdropped and overheard his secret.

Maybe going on impulse was the best idea.

....Impulse definitely sounded like a winner to him at the moment.

For now Raphael waited until the comfortable hours of night where Donnie was absorbed in work, Master Splinter was asleep, Mikey was either avidly watching television or passed out with a comic over his face.

There was no question that Leonardo would be meditating.

His blood was on fire and ready to go by the time he deemed it safe to confront Leonardo.

He shook from the possible prospect of intimacy.

Slinking out of his room he quickly snuck out to the blue ninja's room, his heart pounding, his hands trembling.

He knocked softly hoping to at least keep Master Splinter asleep even if the others were still awake.

A distinct sigh from within only riled him up even more as his emotions raced sporadically.

"Come in" Leo's tired voice called.

He pushed open the door and strode in shutting it as quietly as possible behind him without looking at Leonardo.

If he was weak about this then he might as well give up already, he needed to convince Leo with his confidence, with his trust.

Time to face big brother.

REVIEW!


	6. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love), incest (or _**turtlecest**__) _and sexual themes/references. NC-17. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Enjoy!

There were no candles surrounding him tonight.

There was no flickering light caressing his leafy green skin.

He wasn't on the special mat their master had given him for the turtle who meditated the most.

He wasn't sitting cross-legged with his hands pinched in little '_o_' 's on his knees.

He didn't look serene or calm or peaceful.

Leonardo had no deep meaningful expression on his face, reliving, discovering or sorting out his most concealed thoughts and emotions...

His room seemed semi-barren without the candles scattered around the hangings on his wall.

His room was darker than usual from the lack of candles.

The absence made everything seem a duller gold as flimsy light turned the bricks of the underground lair into an odd palette of maroon, beige and butter.

The green of his skin also had turned a darker, fuller colour. A mix between moist forest green and the olive-brown Donatello's skin shade had matured into.

Leonardo slowly surveyed how everything in his room looked suppressed with the lack of lighting.

His room looked like how everything seemed to be at the moment.

Leo sat in the middle of his bed completely and utterly exhausted.

The lamp was no replacement for the small pieces of scented animal wax he'd grown up with.

He felt drained of his essence as the relationships which every member of his family deteriorated with a devastating consistence.

And so Leonardo sat silently on his bed, empty.

...Drained of his colour.

He had made a _small_ overestimation of the amount of physical training his muscles could take.

Leonardo remembered hundreds of times in battle and combat where he had forced himself to keep fighting, to stay alive even when his body screamed at him for pushing so hard and begged him to stop and fall.

In battle he had fought for much longer periods of time.

The lack of adrenaline and battle fever was no excuse... his body had handled it before.

Master Splinter obviously thought that the training was necessary.

He obviously hadn't reached that place yet, the place where there was no such thing as fatigue.

From the slumped over position on his bed Leo doubted that even if he wanted to get up and get into a proper meditation pose he would be able to find the strength or stamina to...

There was nothing left in him to pull from. He had no wells of hidden strength, no miraculous recoveries, no magic formulas to cure him.

He was sitting in his semi-dark room, his favourite tapestry destroyed, and his family far away...

...even when physically Raphael, Donatello, Michelangelo and Splinter were only metres apart in distance.

Leo had not seen anyone since normal training.

The hours slowly and agonizingly passed, each minute reminding him that he had somehow forged disappointment in his father's eyes that he could not seem to escape in the 'solitude' of his room.

He was free to sit there aching and tired, contemplating how the lack of meditation candles made the colours in his room seem that much deeper, darker.

Eventually the noise and movement from his home softened into the peaceful silence of night as the sun retreated from over New York City.

It was sometimes weird how things could be so terrible and screwed up and horrible and yet somehow the sun never wept. It just kept on rising and setting on its set schedule, not caring for the life it was providing for its own creations.

It was funny that there was no sun in his room even when the sky was bright.

And as the night continued to deepen with the absence of the sun a quiet knock on his door startled Leo.

He was not expecting any visitors until at least tomorrow mornings training... if Master Splinter didn't have him up early for extra training anyway.

He sighed.

"Come in" Leo said under his breath, wincing as he tried to move from his bent over position.

Becoming a statue when he was already sore seemed to make his muscle scream that much louder.

He secretly wished he had super-long arms that could reach the kitchen for a bag of ice or a cup of searing tea.

Master Splinter's unfair training reminded him of how he was never the one allowed to give up.

In a way he was proud.

It proved that he was strong.

He could handle his brothers ignoring him.

Leo's door opened and the flash of a red bandana tail told him that it was Raphael who strode confidently in.

Red in the lamp light had turned a dark maroon colour.

Highlights of lighter crimson near Raphael's eyes where the light hit directly made his irises seem amber rather than gold.

Dread quickly filled Leo's stomach, though he refused to let it show to his younger brother.

Raphael was another prominent source of ache in his already full basket of worries.

Raphael didn't look at him for a moment as they both stayed silent after his door was closed. The younger turtle pressed the side of his head against the wood of the door.

During the brief pause Leo was quickly scrambling together his natural leadership expression and tone, ignoring the nagging feeling that something wrong was going on inside of his gut.

It was impossible for Leo to gain his typical elder brother bearings fast enough.

He didn't have a chance as his temper flared unreasonably at Raphael Hamato.

"Good to see you're feeling better fearless" Raph said smirking at him as he turned around after the freeze undoubtedly listening for eavesdroppers or the sounds of movement.

With a pang it made Leo realise that on the night he had argued with Donnie he hadn't actually checked their proper security before unloading a whole life's worth of secrets onto the purple ninja.

Leonardo closed his eyes.

"What are you doing here Raph?" he asked lowly, another fight with his younger brother the last thing he wanted to initiate at the moment, neither his body nor mind up to another stupid feud.

In Raphael's mere presence Leo was secretly struggling to contain something inside of him that wanted to burst out and scream 'How do you do this to me?!?'

He was tired of being 'fearless', especially in front of Raph...he simply couldn't understand what the other turtle wanted from him sometimes.

Leonardo was confused by his younger brother's actions, by his unpredictability and his bipolar mood swings.

After everything they had all just been through, what they were still going through Raphael was the last turtle Leo wanted to see at the moment.

He wasn't sure if he could take anymore of his younger brother's passion or anger at the moment, not before he had time to glue together some of the most fragmented pieces of himself...

...not before he could rework his mask, conceal his emotions.

Before Raphael even opened his mouth he already knew this wouldn't...no _couldn't_ end well.

Leo stared at him, already trying to form some kind of escape plan.

Raph took a step closer, closing the distance between them as if he was reading the blue ninjas mind. He stood beside Leo's bed as Leo looked up at him tiredly, quickly slamming back his confusion to clear his face.

"Ya tired?" Raph asked a look of something unreadable flashing across his eyes so fast Leo only saw it because of the years he'd been reading his brother's emotions.

"No Raph" Leo said sarcastically in an uncharacteristically inpatient mood, ruining all the effort he had put into regulating his facial expressions and swallowing back emotions, "I'm fine"

And from four words, the tone and the frown emitted by the blue-masked ninja Raphael immediately knew that something was off about his older brother.

Leo sighed again, sounding almost ...angry.

Raph quickly raised an eye-ridge.

If it wasn't obvious that Leo was 'not fine' before, it was practically slamming into his face now.

Leonardo slumping over in his bed from exhaustion was something that Raph was not used to; in fact it was making his heart ache in a way that he knew was somehow inappropriate, way off what he had come here to offer.

"You don't have to keep this up you know" Leo said quietly rolling his eyes at Raph's shocked silence.

Raph snapped out of his concerned thoughts and looked at the blue ninja weirdly. Something was not adding up.

"...the hell are ya talking about Leo?"

And there it was again!

Leo frowned pulling his face into an uncharacteristically dark look.

Raphael suddenly noticed that there was a distinct lack of candles in his elder brother's usually full room.

It gave him an eerie feeling, like something sacred had been moved out of place....That the balance within his elder brother was shifting.

Leo was completely unaware of the frown that was marring his usually put together face.

Leonardo hated how Raphael insisted on teasing him, lulling him into a false sense of nicety which made him temporarily believe that maybe..._just maybe_ one of his brothers didn't totally think he was a jerk.

"Just drop it Raph, I know you don't want to talk to me"

"What? I'm here talking to ya right now aren't I??"

The familiar spark of anger that pretty much made up what half of his and Raph's relationship was about jolted in his stomach.

"Give it a break Raph! You think I didn't notice the fact that you've pretended I don't exist ever since I've woken up? You think I haven't noticed you're avoiding me?!"

Raphael became even more perplexed as he snapped back, irritated at the way Leo was treating him like he was some kind of clueless child.

Confusion ruled their conversation.

"What the fuck are ya yabbering about?!? I'm only avoiding ya coz I overheard you-"

_Ohh shell..._

He stopped short, only just getting into the mood to fight when he realised that he'd just made a fatal mistake.

_**Shit.**_

He slammed his mouth shut, knowing that he had already said way too much.

"Overheard me what?" asked his older brother, his eyes flashing and his lips pressing into a tightly drawn line.

Well fuck.

Raphael had officially gotten himself into crap with only four words.

'_Coz I overheard you..._'

Damn...and he called _Mikey_ a big mouth...

It had only been a minute since he walked into the room and already they were at each other's throats. It was funny how quickly they could descend into a fight.

"Nothing."

"Raphael" Leo warned crossing his arms over his plastron, his patience already worn down to the thinnest thread, if that thread even existed for them at all anymore.

"_Nothing_ Leo"

The bottle corking Leonardo's emotions was growing dangerously full as his brother stubbornly pulled away.

"Tell me Raph!"

Something told Leo that it was urgent to find out the mystery of what Raphael had overheard...he had an odd gut feeling which he never ignored.

It had saved him one too many times in battle.

"Leo it's nothing!"

"Raphael Hamato!" Leonardo barked quickly losing his temper with Raphael's childish games, "what did you overhear??"

Raph stared at him lowly hating his brother's concern...his nosiness.

"Fuck you..."he hissed taking a step forwards so that he was looming over Leo's slumped position on the bed, neither of them backing down for a second.

Something made Leonardo twitch; apparently he didn't like being told to fuck off.

The words quickly dissolved inside of Leo, Raph's tone causing the feelings of isolation to build up brick walls around him so fast he was sure he would pass out with the sudden rush of emotions that were leaking over his bottle, his mask just holding on by the skin of his teeth.

"_Fine_! If _you_ don't care than _I_ don't care Raph!!"

He tried taking a steadying gulp of air but found it only made the bubbling anger in his stomach worsen.

"Don't tell me! Let things go back to the way they were, go back to avoiding me, go back to Mikey and Don and see how happy they are-"

Raph snarled.

"Leo-"

The blue ninja was stepping over the line.

"Go back to all the misery, go back to all your fighting and challenging...."

And his bottle broke, emotions gushing over the sides in one lethal flood.

"Go back to hating me behind my back_ and see if I give a damn anymore!!!"_

...

Raphael stared at him rendered speechless.

Then anger quickly consumed him.

There was no way...Leo had just accused him of...

_Bastard!_

Hurt was violently fuelling his anger as he dropped the bombshell he was previously attempting to ease into.

"On the night you woke up from that idiotic virus... I fucking _overheard _ya and Donnie arguing..."

Raph went in for the kill his golden eyes narrowing like a cat.

"I heard you telling dear old Donatello that you were _in-fucking-__**love **__with me _you _bastard_!!" he snarled.

The utter venom in the red ninja's voice revibrated around the room far longer than his loud shout did.

...

Leo grew deathly still.

His body was paralysing with shock, suddenly rigid in the position on his bed, his fists curling in so tight small wells of blood appeared under his blunt nails.

_No..._

Raph had...he'd heard....the thing he had tried so hard to conceal...something he wanted to take to the grave...something he'd hoped his younger brother would have never ever found out...

_No. _

_**No! **_

_**NO!!**_

"You're lying Raph..." Leo whispered, his breath suddenly cutting off as the shock crystallized his blood.

Raph pushed him causing him to sharply crack against the wall and out of his drooped position.

"Say it again" he hissed threateningly, "make my day Leo"

Leo stared at him as Raph raised his fist warningly.

"Say it again!" Raph growled "Or do you already know how awkward it is to be around you every fucking day knowing that we could no longer be "just brothers" _because _of you?"

Raph shook him slightly.

"Do you already know how many times I've wanted to beat you to a bloody pulp every time I saw what you were doing to Don and Mikey before your little martyr act with Splinter?"

Raph was unable to take a step closer and so propped a knee up onto Leo's bed.

"Do you already know how utterly frustrating it is to be around you? Do you know how fucking _perfect _you are?"

Leo's gaze momentarily fell on the ruined tapestry that had left dry tracks of ink over his wall.

If Leonardo had the strength he would have pushed away Raphael who was annihilating his personal space bubble

"Do you know how hard it has been for me to be around you? Do you know how hard it is to control myself even though I know it's wrong?"

Leo's eyes snapped back to the livid ones right in front of him.

Oh hell...

"Do you know how hard I've been fighting to not give in to myself?"

And then Leo abruptly knew why the bad feeling in his gut was screaming at him to run even when his body would not physically permit it.

"...To not just pin you down and fucking take you??"

Leo stared at him, only inches away flabbergasted, with a mixed expression of disgust, surprise and something that could have resembled the reciprocated repressed feeling of longing.

He wanted to punch Raphael.

"...And that's it?" Leo said quickly regaining himself ignoring the shock and uncomfortable territory their fight had just entered, "you find out that I...I" he didn't finish the thought, "...and all you can think about is _sex_?"

His voice rose at the end verging on anger and disbelief again.

Raphael sprung forward recognising an opportunity for what it was.

He kissed him.

Leo recoiled and tried to scramble backwards even though he was already held up against his wall with his muscles not working.

"Get _off_!" Leo finally exclaimed roughly pushing him away.

"You like it" Raph said as his body sprung to life moving closer towards the elder turtle, both knees now on the bed leaning over him.

Leo looked pale as he realised that Raph wasn't joking _at all_, he would really do it with him right now if he had the chance.

"Have you even thought of the consequences? Our family is falling apart enough as it is without this happening as well!" Leo snapped trying to keep away the hurt and want the proposal was causing him.

He shook his head completely stumped.

Raphael shrugged already _knowing_ that he hadn't considered them.

"You love me, I'm going nuts from hormones...you get what you want and I get what I want, simple enough for ya Leo?"

...

Raphael mentally flinched at his unthoughtful sentence as it quickly made it out of his mouth.

That was probably the wrong choice of words...

Leonardo shook his head the disgust multiplying in his face.

There was also a weird glimpse of hurt Raph couldn't put his finger on swimming around his brother's expression.

Yep....definitely a poor choice of words.

Life: 1, Raph: 0

Stupid, stupid, _stupid!_

He placed a hand on Leo's thigh trying to act soothing even though it was obviously beyond them now.

Leo seemed to deflate at the touch.

The blue-masked ninja sighed, suddenly losing his edge as maturity beyond his years took over him for a temporary few seconds.

His eyes flickered to Raph's hand and Raph suddenly realised what his brother took the gesture as.

"I'm not going to let you throw yourself away like that just because you supposedly 'can't control your body'"

At least Leo wasn't pissed off anymore.

Raphael felt something akin to tenderness scrape in the back of his raw angry throat.

"...and what about you?"

Leo looked away into a dark corner of his room.

"If it's with you Raphael.... sex will mean something to me" he said quietly.

...

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Raph exploded flinging his arms around and cracking him so that they were either side of Leo's head, "why the hell are you telling me that it's ok for you to give up your god damn virginity to me and it's not ok for me to give mine to you?!? I can decide what I want to give you by my-fucking-self fearless!!"

Leo growled losing his tender quietness.

He regained his pissed off face.

"I won't let you carelessly throw away something you'll never be able to get back from me just because you're taking this as some kind of sick challenge hothead. I don't want to be the one you end up resenting when you're 50 because I took away something special that you wanted to save for _someone you actually like_!"

Raphael snorted, **actually** snorted.

Leo wanted to strangle the smugness out of that gesture.

"Oh stop acting like you're some fucking martyr! I know why you **really** don't want to sleep with me!"

Raphael's mouth acted on its own as he finally lost his temper.

Life: 2, Raph: minus infinite

"You just can't stand the fact that you would be impure unlike Master Splinter who probably hasn't even touched himself, let alone another rat. You can't stand the thought that maybe having sex with someone means that you're not perfect! And most fucking importantly, you can't stand the fact that you would be sleeping with me and sharing every intimate moan and cry and view of your body and I wouldn't really care!!"

_Bang, __**crack!**_...

Leonardo snarled menacingly.

Something inside of him was tipped over the edge by the harsh words as the hurt finally overwhelmed him.

"Raph..." he started quietly, his eyes flashing dangerously...

"_**Get... OUT**_**!!!**"

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Donatello observed a subtle change in his two elder brother's behaviour over the next few days.

It came with years of analysing and breaking apart components of machines that made him pay attention to detail.

Mikey had been acting bouncier lately, more positive... less likely to take anything seriously.

Donnie couldn't complain...the orange ninja seemed less nervous walking around their home now while Splinter was spending an unusually long amount of time meditating or training Leonardo.

There had been hope in youngest turtle's eyes ever since they had learnt about Leo's defence for their relationship against Master Splinter.

Mikey's spark that had been spluttering and dying out under all the tension had been fanned and was now slowly brightening.

It made Donatello cautiously happy.

Yes, he would be ecstatic if their father said '_yes'_. It would be totally awesome.

But there was still that ever-lingering horror that their answer could be '_no'_.

He knew that it would break him and more importantly _devastate_ Mikey.

What made their predicament even more intricately convoluted was the fact that he had no idea why Leo had even defended them in the first place!

Leo had originally been the turtle that had broken them up, then suddenly out of nowhere confessed that he was _in love_ with Raphael and then gone back to Master Splinter and requested that he give them his blessing and allowed them to be together...

Seriously_...what the hell_??

To add to the weird folds of their complicated situation Leonardo was still not speaking unless directly spoken to with him and Mikey.

One would have thought that if Leo had just defended them, _lied _to their father because of them that he may have had a bit of an explanation to go with it.

After all Leo was probably the most academic turtle (after Donatello of course) with reasons for doing the things he did especially as leader.

That wasn't the most concerning thing happening however...

Something had definitely changed with Leo's attitude towards Raphael...

Before Leo was trying to reach out, to discover why the red ninja had been avoiding him like a mouldy pizza...

Now?

Now he was _**icy**_.

And just as Leo had become as warm as a frozen lake towards Raph, Raph had suddenly stopped avoiding Leo.

Thus the weird shifting in their relationship.

Even as Donatello observed everything through an outsider's eye it was still hard to miss how Raph was acting almost teasing around the eldest.

At times Raph seemed almost too close for comfort as Leonardo physically pushed him out of his personal space bubble.

If Donnie hadn't of know better he would have thought Raph was purposely **flirting** with Leo...

Which was _obviously_ completely ridiculous...

...wasn't it?

But before his argument with the blue-masked ninja Donatello would have thought the same thing about Leo having feelings about Raph that extended above annoyance and a brotherly sort of tolerance.

He'd honestly forgotten that this was his brother they were talking about.

This was _**Leonardo**_.

Donnie no longer felt the horrible anger that usually accompanied every time he thought about Leo breaking up him and Mikey because he couldn't deal with his own feelings for Raphael.

Leonardo would do anything for them; protect them from themselves if necessary...

If the blue-masked realised that being together was what made Mikey and he happy then he would defend them...

Leo lied to their master.

That's what made Donatello realise that this was still his brother, was still the controlled, spiritual turtle he had grown up with, still had emotions to hurt under the mask Donatello had discovered.

Speaking of the devil...

Donnie passed by the kitchen wandering around in thought as he sometimes did when things became too deep for him to sit still and think.

Usually he wouldn't have given their kitchen a second glance because of all the appliances that needed to be fixed. Trips to the kitchen generally caused balls of stress to form in his stomach.

This time something caught his eye.

Using the shadows to his advantage Donatello disappeared and silently watched Leo as Raphael approached him.

Donnie was slightly alarmed when heard a low growl and the rare sound of Leonardo's angry voice.

Something was definitely wrong

"Raph, _get off!_"

He peeked around the corner not sure if he was suddenly hallucinating.

Because he was as sure as hell that Raph's hand could not be ghosting around Leo's thigh as they both stood too close, _way too close_, up against the bench.

"Wat'cha gonna do 'bout it fearless?... Come on, let me..."

Donatello only heard snatches of what they said.

He didn't need words when the picture was all too clear.

As Raph's fingers became a little too bold the rough scraping of the red ninja's shell sliding against the wall sounded loudly as Leonardo brutally shoved him away.

"You're sick!" he heard Leo snap before Donnie just managed to position himself casually as if he was just walking into the kitchen.

They both ignored him as he tried to look 'innocently' curious.

As Leonardo stormed out Donnie was sure it was no hallucination as he observed Raph looking angry and disappointed as he stared after the blue-masked ninja, catching the subtle lick of Raph's lips and the way he gently pressed his fingers together no doubt remembering the forbidden territory they had just violated.

Donatello's hated it when he had no idea what was going on.

80808

He noticed that their father was looking intensely at Donnie and him, his piercing gaze vivid from the half-lit shadows of the dojo.

It made Michelangelo uncomfortable and hopeful at the same time.

...He couldn't help but fail to repress the soaring feeling in his stomach that kept him from staying cautiously pessimistic.

Things hadn't really worked out so far and like, nothing was really back to the way it had been...

...but it was now something he could kind of handle not something unreachable and hidden behind a million smiles.

He could smile and Donnie actually smiled back.

And although Mikey was itching to touch him, kiss him until they were both brainless and floppy, Don and he still kept their distance for the moment.

Mikey could actually breathe now, knowing that there was at least some hope...that Splinter had not said a definite 'no' yet.

The red-masked ninja also seemed to be in a better mood lately though Mikey wasn't really sure why.

Either way he wasn't going to ruin Raphie-boys fun after the dude had just stopped brooding!

The only thing that threatened to dampen Mikes otherwise warming spirit was the fact that Leo was not talking to any of them.

Mikey wasn't even sure why he was avoiding his eldest brother in the first place.

Yeah he was totally pissed off for his big brother breaking him and Donnie up but...

Seriously dude! ...He was so over it by now, especially since Leo had stuck up for them with Master Splinter.

It was definitely the best..._apology....__**eve**_**r!**

And no matter how totally mondo-grateful Mikey was he could tell something was off in their household...and it had nothing to do with the eyes of the rat which scrutinised Donnie and him from the shadows.

Mikey hated the feeling that something bad was happening to his brothers and he was oblivious to it.

He hated that something was wrong with Leo at the moment and there was nothing he could do to help the eldest.

He hated how everyone seemed to be keeping him in the dark.

They were all teenagers, all the same years old and yet somehow he was still treated like he was two.

Mikey made a promise to himself.

He was going to find out what was wrong with his family and then do whatever he could to fix it, whether or not it just meant cracking a joke or giving a shoulder to lean on.

After all the element of surprise was deadly...

And a determined Michelangelo was formidable...

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There had been an unmistakable change in their household.

The _balance_ had been disrupted.

Balance was one of the most important elements within a being.

If there was no balance there was no moderation, if there was no moderation there was excess, with excess came gluttony and weakness.

With balance came strength, stability and successes.

Balance was something that Splinter valued as one of his core values; honour, tradition, _balance._

"The word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness".

That was something he once remembered hearing from his sensei a long time ago.

And somehow he could feel the returning balance of two of his sons.

_Donatello, Michelangelo._

He felt one teetering on the edge of balance, struggling within himself like he had been doing for the majority of his life.

_Raphael._

He felt the last of his sons had already fallen far off the edge.

He could feel the dangerous imbalance of the burdens in his soul. His eldest, _usually _his favourite student.

_Leonardo_.

The balance had not been right ever since Donatello and Michelangelo had been disciplined by him, had been put into their rightful places as brothers...nothing more.

Leonardo had defended them at the dishonour of lying to him; there was no excuse for that.

Yet somehow the words of his oldest ached and stayed heavy of his mind.

Was Leonardo the right choice of leader? Was he leading them all down a path of heartbreak?

Or was he trying to save his brothers by doing the wrong thing?

Splinter remembered the words; ones that had been affecting him on a level words usually did not reach.

"_I don't think you understand that you're killing Don and Mikey..."_

The meaning and tone behind the words was what made Leo so serious, memorable, _haunting_.

He had truly trained his son well, to become perhaps **too** perfect.

Was Splinter mistaken in his assumptions?

Looking at his two youngest the old rat wasn't so sure.

They were no longer avoiding each other.

Was this a sign that they had accepted their platonic relationship as siblings?

Was it them showing, waiting and proving that they deserved his blessing?

And while his two youngest sons began to act normally once more there was an unusual contradiction of actions swelling between his two eldest sons.

Leonardo had become hostile towards Raphael.

Raphael had become devious and sly when it came to Leonardo, inching closer and closer to him every time Splinter looked.

There was no question that the issue between them must be resolved before the next tackled.

After all how could one build stories on a building if one did not have the proper foundation?

He had chosen foolish words earlier.

"_We shall see_"

Splinter was undecided.

He was not sure what to do.

As a father he was torn between his son's happiness, honour, spirits, morality and affection.

Perhaps this decision was one for fate to decide.

808080

"You are not concentrating Leonardo!" Splinter frowned at him, crossing his arms over his chest disapprovingly as Leo hunched over resting his hands on his knees.

"I_ am_ concentrating sensei" Leo said through gritted teeth straightening up again, seemingly unable to get enough breath to fill his lungs. His vision was blurring in a frightening similar way to his fight with the purple dragons.

"You cannot fool me my son. Your mind is not focused Leonardo. You have been increasingly distracted lately... even _with_ this extra training"

If only their master knew the half of it...

Now with Raphael constantly slinking around him, pinning him to random surfaces too open and dangerous for his liking and pushing his hands to entirely inappropriate places his brain seemed caught between longing and anger.

Longing to give in and let Raphael have his way with him, to let his bodily urges take over him and get the pleasure he had denied himself through his entire teenage years.

However the leadership and moral side of him sparked in vehement anger every time Raphael approached and tried to violate him with his hands and a smirk.

Things were never that simple, it changed you as a turtle to let someone hear and see that intimate part of yourself that was only revealed through the raw passionate movements of pleasure.

"It is not the only lie you have told me recently my son"

Leo's head snapped away to hide the fact that he was squeezing his eyes shut.

He knew their sensei had picked up on the blatant lie to try and persuade him into giving Mikey and Don his blessings.

They both knew that Leonardo would never let his brothers suffer and take the blame for something that was his own fault. Leo hated that he hadn't thought through his plan when he'd gone in to try and persuade their sensei.

He kept his mouth shut neither denying nor admitting the obvious truth.

He couldn't, not now, not when he was in front of their father barely standing again.

Splinter sighed.

"This family is built on many things my son..."

He turned away to pace back and forth in front of his student.

"Compassion, loyalty,_ trust..."_

He stopped and turned around to look at Leo.

"Lies are dishonourable Leonardo. I thought that out of anyone _you _would have realised that."

Splinter gazed at him with an expression that was lacking the usual pride and admiration for being blessed with such a perfect son.

It began the largest crack in Leo's heart so far. One gaping hole being pried open by a crowbar.

"So divinely is the world organized that every one of us, in our place and time, is in balance with everything else. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world..."

"...I am disappointed with your actions my son"

This time Leo had truly failed.

As a son, a leader, a brother...

He had let down his family....

And the look on Master Splinter's face confirmed it.

808080

A million thoughts ran through Leonardo's head as he stumbled out of the dojo and into the living room.

He didn't care that he'd just shrugged off his father again.

It was only more cause to stop and stare at his two younger brothers who were on the couch again.

Leo somehow managed to stay upright and clutch at his thighs in the sudden sense of déjà vu.

It mirrored the night Raph and he had first walked in on them.

Don and Mikey quietly kissed in front of the dim light of the television ignoring the abandoned video game.

There was a wave of emotion; something of jealousy, something of happiness, of joy for his little brothers, something of disapproval and betrayal for taking for granted everything....every emotion compacted into a teaspoon that was being forced down his throat.

Leonardo stumbled away this time, no dropped sai to alert his brothers to his presence.

He let his own selfishness take over him.

It had been suppressed for long enough, he had had enough.

He headed for Raphael's room.

If Don and Mikey could have a taste of intimacy and somehow manage to stay happy then why couldn't he? If they were going to hell and were still so completely content than why couldn't he be also?

Leonardo didn't want to be didn't want to be perfect in his life.

He didn't even care that he wasn't thinking coherently.

Leo drew his fist back and punched Raphael's door so hard the 'Keep Out!' sign cracked cleanly down the middle and fell off in two neat little pieces on the floor.

For a moment there was brief mumbling and scuffling from the other side of the door.

"Hey what's the big de-mmphh?!!"

He didn't even give Raph a chance to speak as the red ninja opened the door.

Leo shoved Raphael inside, pushing him against a random wall...

One look into the surprised golden eyes...

And then he was crushing their lips together.

Leonardo let his perfection fall to pieces around his feet.

REVIEW!


	7. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love) and incest (or _**turtlecest**__)_. NC-17; contains detailed _**SEX**_. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Enjoy!

It was a typical night for Donatello.

The familiar haze had settled over the purple-masked ninja, the one where he was half-conscious, coffee injected, practically asleep on his feet and somehow still working on a project he'd almost given up on.

It was one of those nights were his lab smelled stale, giving away that fact he'd been spending too much time inside the closed up walls.

Bad nights happened when things were stressing him out, when he couldn't find the solution to a problem he was desperately hunting for or when something was reaching an unbearable point...

Bad nights were tonight.

The coffee's wisps of steam barely registered as the vapour wafted up his nose.

A small brown drop landed on the table he was working on making him jolt upwards as his cup tipped in his weary hand.

This was his fifth cup of the darkened liquid.

Donnie was usually a very observant turtle, (shell he had to be with all the stuff that got broken around their house!) but he failed to notice the simple things when it came to himself.

Like how his body was twitching as he kept forcing himself to finish the random piece of gadgetry in his hands.

He could have been pouring potent chemicals together for all he knew and he would still be oblivious in his half-asleep haze_._

Donnie scrubbed an eye wondering vaguely why all his machinery seemed to be blurring into one huge mass of nothingness.

He bit back another yawn as his mouth slackened, tilting towards his cup routinely.

Although he had trained himself into staying awake to finish projects, it was still unusual for him to keep pressing his body when he had actually reached the line that signified his limit.

Lately there had been an uncomfortableness surrounding their home that made him anxious and guilty every time he stopped to take a break.

If he stopped working then there was just a small, small, _tiny_ chance that things may also fall apart by the seams...because of him.

And Donatello wouldn't let them all waste away without the inventions that had been keeping them entertained and sane for half their lives just because he couldn't keep awake for one night.

He would keep working for his family.

As tense as things had seemed to become over the past couple of months at least all their family were all still living together...

At least they were still at the point where they could stand being under one roof.

At least Mikey and he hadn't been completely shunned for the actions that had started out this entire mess in the first place.

'_Good_' probably wasn't the best way to describe it... but while Donnie was turning into a weird version of Leo and Raph's worst qualities in one stressed out shell at least he was still breathing and eating and thinking along with his brothers.

Donatello stared at the screwdriver in his hand and the skin rubbed raw around his fingers and knuckles.

He then let out a frustrated sigh, shakily wiping his arm across his dripping forehead.

What kind of turtle would he be for not being able to stay up one night to keep things working in their own little world under New York City?

...For his little brother especially...

If there was one thing that could motivate him into working hard it was Mikey.

He would work for Master Splinter, for Leo and Raph.... for _**Mikey**_.

The coffee cup landed on his work table with a small heavy 'chink', several drops splattering out.

Scratching his head furiously after finally staring at the nuts and bolts and schematics that made no sense to him anymore Donatello slapped his hands down onto his desk.

The screwdriver rolled out of his hand with a small metallic 'clop', his body simply refusing to keep going.

Donnie stared at his own fingers in a condescending manner.

"Fine" he muttered letting out a small puff as his arms trembled.

Donnie sighed and knew that it was over if he couldn't even move his fingers.

_Finally_ he gave up and shoved his way out of his overused computer chair and slowly ambled his way into the kitchen to put his cup into the sink.

He passed by the living room heading for the stairs and from the corner of his eyes caught a splash of bright orange out of the dull shadowy colours of their home.

No real thoughts permeated Donnie's brain as he spied the youngest ninja of their family sitting on the sofa all by himself, looking lonely, his hands flying over the controller of a video game impossibly fast.

Donnie didn't even question why Michelangelo was up in the early hours of the morning playing video games or why he wasn't in bed asleep.

Without thought, the purple-masked ninja went closer letting his nostrils catch something that wasn't staleness, coffee or the stuffy air of his lab.

He couldn't believe he'd forgotten Mikey's smell.

Michelangelo's heavenly, manly, junk-food, skateboard polish, joking little brother smell...

"Hey Donnie" Mikey mumbled, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth, still fixated on the flashing screen before him as Donatello stumbled over and collapsed on the sofa beside him, "sup' dude?"

From the dojo Donnie still heard the vague pants of Leonardo in the dojo training with Master Splinter. The growing disappointment in their Father's voice made it obvious that Leo was reaching his limit.

There was something very wrong with both Splinter and Leonardo and their uneasy out of character actions.

Splinter had never become so agitated with Leo...and Leo was never so constantly on edge, sapped of some kind of strength he'd used to possess...

There were obviously things at work that his currently brain-dead state could not analyse.

Donnie had the feeling that Leo's punishment was a form of tough love, that beneath it all Splinter only wanted what was best for them and for their family just like Leo, but taking it in all the wrong directions.

...

Donnie was defined as 'the smart one'.

If he had been thinking clearly, if he had been thinking _at all_ he would have never sat down beside the orange-masked ninja.

He turned his head sidewards to face Mikey, staring into the face that had a rare look of focus engraved along the planes of his eyes and mouth.....Mikey's 'video-game' face.

The purple-masked ninja leaned over Michelangelo ignoring the indignant "Hey! Not cool Donnie!!" and blocked view of the screen.

"Don!-"

The imaginary line that separated the two as brother was obliterated.

Mikey was cut off in his half uttered protest as Donatello leaned over him making the video game controller drop out of his smaller hands, landing carelessly on the floor.

Donnie quietly kissed his little brother drowning in the glimpse of orange mask and sky blue eyes.

He went to cup his little brother's face, to hold him close and his heart soared.

Donnie was abruptly hit out of the moment as his hands were slapped away from the gentle caress of his baby brother's cheeks, almost startling him out of his zombified state.

They quickly broke apart, Donnie facing his head away as thoughts slowly began to trickle through his tired mind.

Before he could get a word in and apologize Michelangelo was upon him.

"..._No way_ Donnie"

Mikey pounced, his eager arms winding around his neck and pulling Don into another driven kiss.

Any trickles of rational thoughts were sealed as Donatello pulled Mikey closer, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing their open mouths together.

No matter how many times he had snapped at Mikey for ruining an experiment, or yelled at him for distracting his work, or growled at him for ruining his concentration, or ignored him for pulling stupid pranks, or forgot about a special occasion like Valentine's day because he was up late the last night working on a project...

He still....

Donatello was still in...

Neither noticed their elder brother stumbling in.

They didn't notice the conflicted stare they received or how Leonardo temporarily froze and his sudden departure towards Raphael's bedroom.

Finally Don and Mikey were forced to pull apart as Donatello finally started to regain some sense of where they were and what could happen to them now.

"_Donnnnnnnie_..." Mikey whined as they broke apart, though he pulled him closer with his arms ignoring his elder brother's worried gaze, "you ruined my video game score..."

And somehow those words calmed down the precautious side of Donatello that warned him not to mix fuel with fire.

Don finally succumbed to his tiredness and leaned over Michelangelo's shoulder, watching as Mikey shifted so that they were still pressed together and played out the rest of his game.

Somehow touching the warm green skin of the turtle he'd just kissed, the turtle he knew he would never want to give up; Donnie knew that this was where they both belonged.

He didn't care if that sounded disgustingly mushy or girly or unscientific. They had balance together; the turtle with brains versus the turtle with no brains.

At the moment all the purple-masked ninja did was watch and listen and stay pressed into Mikey's side enjoying their temporary closeness while it lasted....and prayed...

Because now all they needed was the blessing that was going to be hardest to get.

....He prayed, and the purple ninja didn't even believe in god.

But he believed in their father.

And he believed in his brothers.

And he believed in the deep love solely for his little brother, Michelangelo.

0808080808

He had never thought about it before.

He had never really had the brains to consider such deep and pointless 'mumbo jumbo personality' shit.

Raphael by nature was a complicated turtle.... and complication was something that made his head ache.

He didn't like to think of himself as something more complex than just an average teenage mutant ninja turtle living in the underground sewers of New York City.

He was prone to what his family called 'dangerous impulsiveness'.

What the fuck was that anyway?

Impulse was always a good thing in his books. It wasn't his problem if none of them could see that if it wasn't for impulse none of them would probably be alive to see the results today.

Raphael was a turtle of action.

Wasting away in front of the TV or locked up in a lab or constantly training wasn't the type of life he wanted to live.

Ice and molten rock, passion, hot tempered, loyal. That was him.

So what if he sometimes got into a bit of trouble?

They were all still alive weren't they?

Besides it wasn't as if he _wanted_ to become a fucking complicated turtle!

_God forbid_ he wasn't fucking perfect like Leo or smart like Donnie or funny like Mikey or old and wise and all-knowing like their father.

He couldn't handle all the in depth meanings that seemed to be running rampant with each of his brothers every time they confronted each other!

Simple things were good.

Like fighting; he liked the things where there was no hidden complex second layers to deal with, no confusing consequences to obsess over.

Simple things made it easier to interact with his Father and brothers.

How did he know that things were going to get so completely messed up?

There was never a period of time where any of them could fully throw their heads back, laugh and relax because life was being _fun_.

Just as he had gotten into this weird mode of thinking the red-masked ninja was broken out of his musings by a dull thump against his bedroom door.

He mumbled irritably, glad at least that he hadn't gone to sleep yet (there would have been hell to pay if he actually had been asleep and woken up) and stepped over all the junk on his floor.

Raph opened the door ready to pound whoever was interrupting his 'deep, meaningful' thoughts and sleep.

He caught site of a blue mask and growled.

One of Raphael's biggest problems was that he never had any idea what was going on inside of his big brothers head.

To him Leo was the biggest source of complication and confusion their family had; sometimes he just couldn't understand it.

"Hey what's the big de-mmphh?!!"

...

He didn't even get time to fucking _blink_.

His body froze, his mind having a temporary meltdown as the elder turtle surged forward.

Leo's dark chocolate eyes stared into his own as he was pushed against the wall beside his door.

He couldn't even _**blink**_, not even _once_, before Leo was crushing their lips together...

Raph couldn't move, couldn't breathe as his elder brother kissed him.

He could somehow feel something wrong about the turtle that was forcing him up against his own bedroom door.

Leonardo was the most confusing thing in the red ninja's life, period.

Everything about him seemed to fuck up Raphael's perception of their relationship.

This topped the freaking imaginary cake.

Raph looked dazed as Leo suddenly pulled away.

His elder brother turned and slowly released him from the wall, his grip on Raphael's shoulders slipping off.

Raph stared at him.

As the paralysis wore off, so fast that he forgot that he'd just been struck dumb to the wall of his own bedroom by his elder brother, his eyes narrowed in rising anger and longing.

Raphael could already sense that Leo was about to run away again.

There was no fucking way he was going to let that happen because if Leo thought that the red-masked ninja was playing games then he obviously didn't know Raphael Hamato very well.

If Leo wanted him, then he was going to get the full serving of Raph...not play around as if he was some kind of toy that wasn't going to snap.

"Don't even think about it Leo" he warned lowly, taking a step forwards while Leo took a step back his eyes unreadable, "you can't just barge in here after a couple of days, kiss me and then fucking _run away_!"

Fuck....He wanted this turtle so badly...

And damn it was hopeless now.

All the days he'd suffered trying to keep his hands to himself and trying to tempt Leo into something he knew they both wanted, all the fantasizing of what blue ninja continually denied them both had finally snapped something inside of him.

He wasn't going to let his brother go this time.

He drove forwards pressing him for something more substantial.

He forced Leo back against another wall giving him a taste of his own damn medicine, pressing their lips together messily.

It was slightly awkward but as he got used to the weird feel of his elder brother pressed up against him, warm, firm and solid he felt that hot burning spark ignite his body, ready to set him on fire.

Raphael suddenly frowned into the other.

His hands tightened on his elder brother's arms.

The red-masked ninja quickly broke away and took a good look at the ninja standing up against him.

...

"...Leo?"

Raph stared at him properly for the first time noticing the subtleties that he'd so often overlooked.

Leo looked _tired._

His brown eyes were dulled over in exhaustion, the colour looking rusted down by the pressures of their life. There was an invisible mass weighing his eyes down, a responsibility none of the other turtle brothers had to bare placed heavy on Leo's shoulders.

Leo's skin was glazed with sweat, the pained look barely twisting the side of his brother's mouth giving away the easy fact that Leo's muscles must have been cramping.

Leo looked kind of....overused as if he was just being stretched too far over his limits.

Raphael felt impatience rise irrationally within him.

Why couldn't Leo be the selfish turtle Raph had just gotten a very small glimpse of before? Did he always have to take responsibilities onto his shoulders like that? He never even gave anyone else the _chance_ to take some responsibly!

"Raph..."

The tightening of the blue ninja's fists was a warning sign of impending complexity.

Leo had just lit a match igniting a spark in the red ninja's stomach.

It was the spark that constantly ached to fight with Leo.

Raphael was burning for more of what he'd just tasted.

He wanted to take Leo. He was sick of waiting and this game of cat and mouse. He was sick of one of them always having to suffer.

"Fer fucks sake!" he exclaimed a hand automatically flying down to grip his sai as he did when he was emotionally charged, "I dunno what ya problem is; don't ya dare fucking say that we can't do this Leo!"

If Leo had heard, he didn't show it as he looked up. The blue-masked ninja didn't look the least bit intimidated by Raphael's warning.

Raph let go of the sai he was fingering on his belt.

"I dunno what Master Splinter's been saying to ya but ya need ta stop obsessing with all that shit Leo!"

Leo grabbed his shoulders, shocking Raph into roughly grabbing underneath Leo's biceps in a ninja-reflex defence.

"You don't understand; I'm not playing with you Raph" Leo growled.

Impatience slid back into the red-masked ninja as their conversation went in circles.

"What the hell do ya fucking_ want_ Leo??"

His mouth tightened as Leo tried to shove him off, Raph's hands gluing them together by the iron grip on Leo's biceps.

"...I want to be selfish" Leo finally said looking down.

Raphael took a step forwards, his eyes widening.

That floored him....especially coming from selfless Leonardo who had yelled at him to '_get out'_ the last time they had spoken to each other.

Raph desperately tried to ignore how much the words turned him on.

"Well then don't say no!" he said indignantly.

Leo's eyes flashed in anger.

"What happens when Mikey and Don don't get Splinter's blessing? You can't just ignore what's happening to our family Raph!" Leo growled.

"It looks like _you_ already are" Raph growled one hand back on his sai again while his annoyance spiked.

Leo clenched his eyes holding back a snarl.

"Why the **fuck **did you suddenly barge in here, slam me to the wall and have it your way _**Leo**_? Just to lecture me when I actually responded?"

Leo stopped short and looked at him, his eyes bright and constantly shifting.

If Raphael had been looking at him... _really_ looking at him, than he would have seen the hurt in his brother's eyes.

"I'm not like you Raph..."

Raphael's mouth opened in stunned outrage his hand flying off his sai so fast Leo reacted naturally, grabbing his wrist in automatic defence.

"You've never told me that you don't hate me" Leo stated looking down and squeezing his wrist so tightly Raphael struggled not to tear it out of his grip from the sharp pain.

He was sure that if Leo squeezed hard enough he could probably break it if he wanted to.

"..._the fuck_?"

Raph shook his head as Leo looked back into his eyes, emotions swirling so dizzyingly fast that he knew he didn't have a chance in hell of actually understanding.

"Look Leo I dunno what's made ya get into this crazy thing but-"

He tried to yank his wrist away from Leo's grip but Leo's eyes narrowed pulling him in closer, centimetres between their faces.

They stared at each other for a long moment.

"...I _**am**_ stronger than this!" Leo finally breathed turning around to lean into the wall letting go of the red ninja's wrist.

It was so out of character Raph stood stunned as Leo's muscles began to weaken from the over-long hours of training.

"You still haven't answered my question" Raph said lowly fighting not to blink like an idiot, "you kissed me, why da hell did ya pull away...?"

_..._

Leo stayed silent.

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_..._

Leo rested his head against the cold scratchy brick wall.

He couldn't; especially to his hothead brother who currently meant something much deeper than just a brother to him.

He refused to admit what was obvious.

Leo ignored the fiery gaze burning into the back of his neck as Raphael stepped closer, things in his mind swirling together.

He wanted to fill that void that had been yearning for Raphael for a long time. He wanted his body to grow slick from something that wasn't dirt or unpleasant sweat from training...

He wanted a gaze that wasn't demanding him to take responsibility for once in his life.

Raphael spoke up again, now right behind him.

Leo's body couldn't decide between anger, lust or hurt.

Leonardo frowned, looking down.

Raphael didn't understand, had never really understood him.

"Raph...-"

Raphael grinned, stopping Leo half way through his sentence.

"-Never said things were simple fearless, just forget about it for one damn night"

Raphael's touch on his shoulder, uncharacteristically gentle for the tough turtle, ignited the deeply seeded need that Leo was sick of holding back by an invisible set of rules their father expected of them.

Leo looked up from the brick wall he was leaning against.

....He didn't push Raphael's hand away as it firmly turned him around so that his shell was to the wall.

He began to burn as he was surrounded by dark forest green skin.

Leonardo was _tired _of keeping responsibility.

The charade of coldness he'd had to forge and the arguments and the stresses of keeping together their family were too much.

He wanted to be able to be something more than just 'the leader' like his brothers were. He wanted something that didn't automatically link him to the boring, perfect older sibling nobody liked.

There was a pause and slowly Leo let Raphael rip off all his knee and elbow pads, his belt, the casings for his swords, and watched them fall amongst the junk on Raphael's bedroom floor.

Leo said nothing.

He abruptly grabbed Raph's bicep's and pushed their mouths together pulling the red ninja into him.

His brother grunted and there was an unspoken agreement.

Both of them left their masks on and the rest of their gear fell to the ground like flies.

The red ninja rolled them so that he was the one pressing Leo into the hard bricks.

They struggled a bit both pressing and squeezing and groping trying to gain the upper hand over one another.

"_Fuck_ Leo!" Raph gasped against him as Leo dragged his fingers down his brother's sides scratching at the shell with his blunt nails.

He _almost_ yelped when the appendage suddenly travelled down the back of his shell and groped his tail and ass, pulling him half up and grinding their hips together at a slanted angle.

It was a silent challenge.

Leo wanted to laugh, knowing that if he hesitated; stopped for even one moment he was going to have second thoughts.

The golden irises so close to his own were golden lightning bolts, attractive but deadly if he got too close.

The blue-masked ninja pushed up further and Raph's mouth fell open for him.

Leo tried not to flush as he forced his tongue forwards, jolting when it met the red-masked ninjas in the middle.

Raphael suddenly spring to life, dragging and pushing against him. The action just screamed smugness as Raph took a long wet lick of the roof of Leo's mouth forcing Leo backwards.

Leo licked the underside of the red ninjas tongue letting saliva drip down his chin.

Raph sighed against him and pushed deeper, so deep that Leo's head was probably going to be bruised in the morning at the same sickening place he had suffered from the purple dragons as his head tilted back at the force.

Raph stepped back, almost pulling their mouths apart before abruptly letting one of his hands go from Leo's tail to his ass.

The red-masked ninja caught fire.

Leo gasped, drowning in the sensations allowing himself to kiss back openly, his mouth hot and tingly, wetness sliding down his chin as they grew more passionate and dripping down into the plains of his neck and to the edge of his plastron.

Leo broke it off, not giving Raph a chance to protest before he jerked forwards and bit the base of his brother's neck inhaling deeply.

The taste of Raphael on his tongue, his smell surrounding him, the strangled gasp and the small ups and downs of his chest told Leo that was Raph's more than excited...

His brother was addictive...completely addictive.

"Shit...L..Leo!"

He let go of Raph with his teeth and slid his lips up to pant against the bite mark as Raphael lost concentration of what he was doing and looked at him in a mixture of growing lust and a weird twinkle that could have resembled long dead affection for him.

Raph had always been the hardest to read out of all his brothers. They had never been particularly close...not since Leo's leadership.

The temporary pause let the two turtle regain their bearings as their eyes met, deep brown clashing with gold, a spark of passion between them ignited.

They were both softly panting, the newness of their activities affecting them vaguely resembling the first time they had ever gone topside... exhilarating.

The blue ninja scraped his nails down Raph's sides again swallowing the hiss into his mouth, feeling Raphael smirk as their lips dragged over each other's again.

The hand that Raph had been using to hold his cheek slid teasingly down his neck and shoulder.

Dancing across his chest plates Leo's world changed colour when the fingers daringly traced over his slit with a quick long stroke.

His entire body drove forwards to follow that single finger, clacking their plastrons together and grinding where their human hips would have been.

A searing nerve sparked within Leo's stomach. The heat that had been lying dormant in his blood flared violently.

"_Ahh_!..."

The small cry escaped his mouth into Raph's before he had even registered it rising in his throat.

Raphael grinned, holding him and trailing the finger all the way up his plastron letting his fat thumb bump against each scar, bump and impurity.

It then stopped, just above his now quivering slit and retraced back up to tilt the blue ninja's head back again, Raphael slowly openly kissing him again.

Leo clenched his eyes shut as Raphael drew back in a smug playful way.

With his mouth still slightly open Raph placed a small light peck under his chin making Leo's eyes pop open in surprise, then close again as he shut his mouth enjoying the uncharacteristically tender gesture, cheeks a subtle pink.

"Heh" Raph said as he pulled away slowly, letting his head tilt back down.

His hands moved up Leo's arms and tightly grabbed him by the shoulders.

Leo didn't register what was even happening as Raphael slowly fell backwards.

Leo's eyes widened when Raph didn't stop or do anything to save himself from the fall.

He flailed unable to break the iron grip from his shoulders as they both fell to the floor with a heavy thump, Raph taking the brunt of the fall and totally unaffected by it.

They landed in a scattering mess and Leo found himself straddling the red ninja looking comically surprised at the sudden change of altitude.

Raph grinned, apparently loving his temporarily stunned expression and grabbed him by the base of his neck.

He liked the taste of Raph's mouth and kissed him lightly several times before being pulled into a heavier kiss, their mouths opening to connect hotly, Raph's tongue sliding out to trace the skin of his lips and mouth.

Leo's body began to burn aroused as their hips together, each of them finally starting to lose the plot as the tension built between them.

His breathing increased into soft huffs, his ears filling with the sound of his brother's pants.

And finally a clear whimper was up and out of his lips before he could swallow it back as he pulled back from Raphael's exploration of his mouth.

The red ninja looked amused when Leo scowled at him unconvincingly.

"...What ya...what do ya need, Leo?"

He heard a sharp intake of breath, hot and moist next to his neck as Leo's hand shot out and maddeningly slowly fucked his tail.

"..If...y..ya...insist" Raph huffed into his ear acting compliant for once.

Leo's eyes flickered shut as his hand gripped one of Raphael's biceps, the other still fucking Raph's tail, clawing uselessly trying to hold onto something as the intensity of feelings quite suddenly built up on him, no outlet for the sparks.

Leo chocked back a cry as his slit expanded, the gates that held him inside opening, his cock dropping down. Digging the hand that wasn't on Raph's tail into the dark green skin of his brother's arm Leo's toes curled as his lower body burned in need.

He ignored at the small lustful noise from his younger brother, swirling in the searing haze of want, flushing as Raph reached out to grip his hard cock with absolutely no shame...as if he'd already dreamt about something like this...

Leo had no idea what Raph wanted him to do to make the red-masked ninja drop down.

He improvised and did the best thing he could think of.

He caught his brother's lust-darkened gaze and stared intently at him, letting his emotions glisten.

And Raph tossed his head back moaning wildly as his cock almost sprang out of the gates holding him in.

Not having any time to question himself as his breath was quickly being ripped out of him Leo lost his grip on Raph's tail as Raph rolled to pin him down and dominate his mouth with his tongue.

Knowing the basic dynamics of what they were about to do Leo stared determinedly everywhere except Raphael's face and as he licked his own finger trembling as he realised that moans were starting to helplessly tear out of his throat.

His cheeks burned a darkened pink as Raph fumbled with his cock in his hand and Leo quickly pushed his finger into his ass discovering that there was not as much glamour in it as people on television portrayed....not that he had ever watched anything like that of course....

His finger stung and was uncomfortable.

Leo took a breath telling himself to suck it up, certain that Raph would not have the proper patience to prepare either of them...that is if he even had the thought that dry sex would actually hurt.

Leo wiggled his finger around experimentally. His finger didn't feel natural inside of him... just foreign as he tried to stretch himself from the awkward angle.

Leo pulled it out as his mouth opened to gasp at Raphael who continued to finger his cock in no real rhythm except teasing flicks and scratches.

He took the opportunity to stick both his fingers into his mouth until they dripped with saliva.

Leo felt Raphael's interested eyes practically devour him. Some of the extra liquid dribbled down onto his hand and wrist as he trembled.

Watching Raph's reaction intently Leo slowly reached his hand back and eased two fingers inside his body again.

His breathing spiked as he barely brushed against something that made him moan into Raphael's ear.

"... M...More.... Leo?" Raph asked panting in obvious lust, breaking away from the teasing of Leo's cock, his eyes flicking to the moving fingers in great interest watching as drove Leo into himself.

Leo didn't reply; he closed his eyes at the sensation of two fingers, kind of painful but fading as he spread himself, occasionally moaning as he quickly hit the small fiery spot within himself that ripped up his nerves.

Feeling the waning patience of the red ninja and of himself Leo only spread himself as much as he felt necessary, his muscles about to give out and his cock leaking.

Leo pulled his fingers out and then looked down at the heavily breathing turtle beneath him.

Raph rolled them over again.

The red-masked ninja knew that if it was possible he would hardened even further at the sight of the turtle above him who he'd been lusting over for months.

Raph drew in a deep breath and tossed his head back writhing as the pressure built up from his gut. The knot in his stomach grew tighter and tighter making him writhe against his leader.

"_Fuuuuuuuuuckk_!" he groaned.

Any of the red ninja's non-existent patience evaporated.

Both Raph's hands rapidly reached up around Leo's waist and pulled Leo upwards into straddling him, making his dripping hand slide away.

Raphael lay backwards on the floor propped up on his elbows, Leo kneeling up over his hard pulsing cock and Leo's arousal protruding out as he caught proper sight of Raphael in all his glory.

"...Your move Leo" Raph whispered with a grin, though the smugness and cockiness that Leo had expected from his hothead sibling wasn't there.

Leo shifted wordlessly hovering just above Raph, secretly glad that Raphael wasn't being a complete bastard about this, kneeling up and being hit with a sudden string of nervousness that he struggled to hide as he hesitated.

The small grin faded from Raph's face as something more caring entered his expression.

It wasn't tenderness, Raphael didn't do tender...but it was something that let him know that this was ok.

Leonardo took a deep breath, his lungs seemingly unable to get enough oxygen to his shaking body.

Raphael's piercing gaze felt like it was stabbing him as he teetered on the edge of a decision.

"W...What?" he asked as the look grew too uncomfortable between them.

Again Raph stared at him with a rare expression, one that Leo had never associated himself with before.

...

"I dun want ta hurt you..." Raphael mumbled finally, frowning as his cheeks burned pink.

...

Leonardo couldn't answer.

He spread his knees as far as they would go while still straddling the red ninja who was hard, ready and prepared...

"_Raph..._" he whispered.

Leonardo slid down and impaled himself.

"...I....I trust you...."

"_**Ah!-**_"

Panting Leo squirmed fighting the urge to kick himself for thinking that a few fingers inside of him were enough.

It was okay because he was used to pain, had had to deal with pain far too many times already in his short teenage life. The burn slowly subsided into a light sting.

Leo quickly adjusted and leaned down, pushing his face into Raphael's neck, panting.

That was it, nothing to change things now, nothing to go back on.

He could feel them both trembling.

Only then did he realise that Raph's mouth was open in a silent scream of pleasure.

Leo felt a faint surge of pride that Raph was finding deep wells of patience to keep from thrusting into him. The red-masked ninja's fingers were digging into his sides desperately.

"Go for it" Leo whispered as the pain became minimal, embarrassed as his chest started to rumble quiet churrs out of him.

The blue-masked ninja was secretly delighted when he heard Raph's louder churring quickly build up to meet his own.

He kept his head buried in his brother's shoulder and didn't have much time to think as his world was suddenly turned upside down.

Raphael wrapped his arms around them and rolled them over so that he was on top and inside of Leonardo.

Clutching at grooves in Raph's shell his toes curled at the first thrust and he let out a heavy breath.

Leo closed his eyes tightly and opened his mouth.

His breathing grew laboured, grunts and moans being torn out involuntarily as he held on to Raphael for dear life, his churring growing louder and being moaned into his brothers ear mixing heavily with the sounds of his pleasure.

As Raphael's rhythm quickly grew stronger, Raph let go of the arms he'd wrapped around Leonardo and pressed one on the side of Leo's hips to hold him still while his other hand dug itself into Leo's shoulder indenting the elder with deep crescents from his nails.

Raph groaned lustfully into his neck, his hot breath adding to the moisture of their slick skin, small droplets collecting around the grooves of his and Leo's body.

Leo quickly bit his lip desperately trying to keep in the cry that rose in his throat.

Raph opened his mouth but Leo didn't give him a chance to speak, detangling one of his hands from where it had somehow become trapped within the red drapes of Raphael's mask and yanking his neck down, pushing his hot burning tongue into the younger turtle's mouth.

He was readily consumed by the musky scent that seemed to be surrounding Raphael's skin and scalding his insides.

Raphael gasped as he wrenched his head away, both their lips moist.

Raph, speeding up his thrusts and unceremoniously fisted Leo's cock.

He wanted to make his perfect leader moan for him.

Churrs wrenching from both their chests, Leo deepened in his blush as he could no longer hold back something inside himself as something scalding and hot was pressed inside of him making him see white, his lust spiking.

The blue-masked ninja's hands scrambled over whatever slick green flesh he could possible grab to pull the larger turtle closer and more fully inside of him, Raph's hand coming up to press against the side of his pleasured scrunched up face, his eyes snapping open.

Leonardo got one glimpse of the golden orbs that he had been fighting and hating and loving and desiring and wanting for so long, full of lust and need and desire...all for him....

"..._Raph_!"

...and he was gone.

Leo shook as Raphael kept rocking, his breathing strained and harsh until the red ninjas face crumpled up into a tight open ball, his mouth open in a smiling ecstasy and filled the blue ninja with his warmth.

".._**.**_Leo..."

Raphael maintained his position over him for a while catching his breath.

He felt oddly warm, a little like how he sometimes felt after meditation from their master's collection of scented candles.

Leo's limbs had turned to jelly.

The older turtle decided something just before he let the warm haze take him. Things had to start changing within their family. He knew that as soon as they both woke up Raph would probably be back to ignoring him again...

He let himself get pulled up and pushed into Raph's hammock, somehow balancing precariously as it swung when they both clambered in.

In a matter of minutes they were both half-asleep subconsciously fighting for the single blanket, elbowing each other.

At the moment Leo just let himself have the comfort Raphael offered him as his brother spooned affectionately against his shell.

He would deal with it later.

He would take back the responsibilities and face their father.

He would become big brother again.

He would do what he had to for their family.

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Leonardo was startled.

His deep brown eyes were wide, his mouth slightly agape as he struggled to believe the proof of numbers staring right at him.

It was a weird mix of pride and horror consuming him as he looked at the clock from across the room.

The light was no give away, and by some kind of miracle he hadn't heard the daily hustle and bustle from downstairs from their normal morning routine.

The neon digits shined numbers Leo had never woken up to before.

It was 8:45am.

For the first time in his teenage life Leo had slept in.

...

He lay silently now very aware of the body lying tangled with his own as he quietly gathered his strength.

It took skill but as he regained the ability of movement he was able to slip from Raphael's bed without tipping over the hammock, not even glancing at the other who had also obviously slept through the morning as well.

Immediately Leo shivered at the loss of warmth as his muscles protested.

Leo clumsily slunk to the bathroom, avoiding his two younger brothers who were sitting at the kitchen table suspiciously close and Master Splinter who was looking a mixture of concern and disapproval at the clock sipping his tea and pointedly looking away from his two youngest sons.

Leo got into the bathroom, into the shower and immediately turned on the water not even bothering to take off his mask.

The water cascaded over him in splattering rivers...

After a considerable amount of time just staring at the taps, wondering why one tap had to be coloured red and the other blue, in the end Leo's knees threatened to collapse on him.

He grabbed the metal knobs and changed the water temperature, a burst of scalding before a burst of ice.

He groaned at the thought of Raphael's slick dark green skin sliding over his and shook his head, throwing off his blue mask and grabbed a tap to turn again.

The water gushed out over his him as he fingered the hot water faucet.

It wasn't the temperature of the water that was bothering him, it was the colour of red painted onto the tap.

Leo sighed and painfully pressed his palm onto his forehead letting the water swirl down the drain.

He spent a long time in the shower, ignoring the mumbles of his family from the kitchen questioning his lateness after he got out later.

Leonardo was lost.

REVIEW!


	8. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love), incest (or _**turtlecest**__)_and sexual themes/references. NC-17. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Authors Notes: I drew a picture which matches the end of this chapter posted on the turtlecest community on livejournal (under the same username). Check it out XD

Enjoy!

Michelangelo Hamato was enough of a teenager to understand some things.

He was enough of a turtle to see other things.

He was also enough of a ninja to sense some very important things.

And he was enough of a mutant to understand that no matter how much they wanted it they could never have some very big things in the life they had been given.

Just like he was the youngest turtle but wasn't oblivious to all these things.

Just like he was also the smallest turtle but was still strong, just like he was the most sensitive but didn't cry like a scared little girl and just like he was the funniest party-dude but could still be serious when things came down to it.

It was a dreary Sunday morning.

Michelangelo was slumped over on the breakfast table thinking about their lives...

And they called _**Donnie**_ the smart one.....He could _totally _be the smart one if he wanted to!

...

Whatever.

Yawning loudly Michelangelo let his head drop onto the table with a thud and rested his tired eyes, wondering what the shell had possessed him to retreat from his toasty-warm bed to get up and start _thinking_.

He was so out of it the orange-masked ninja didn't even notice as Donatello casually strolled by and rummaged around their cupboards to pick up a couple of bowls and some old chewy cereal.

As the purple-masked ninja placed his cereal bowl down on the table next to his head with a sharp thud Mikey's eyes snapped open, his heart pounding as he let out a surprised yelp.

Mike wrinkled his nose at the strong aroma of caffeine as Donatello brewed his coffee.

Don sat down to read the newspaper beside him far too close for what even _he_ would call innocent.

Who did Donnie think he was kidding? Sitting pressed thigh to thigh wasn't exactly the most subtle way to sit with someone who was supposedly now 'only a brother'.

The orange ninja rolled his eyes stubbornly refusing to move away from the other turtle.

What did he care?

_He_ wasn't the one with issues about them at the moment...

As Michelangelo put his head back down onto the table ignoring the stale cereal right in front of his beak he drifted back off into his thoughts again.

Maybe, Mikey thought to himself as the other turtle at the table lost his attention, he was getting too deep and heavy for the early hours of a weekend drooped over the kitchen table.

Did it matter that Leo wasn't around standing over the kitchen stove like he usually did, glaring and focusing all his mental and physical powers on not burning the pancake mix?

A pang of loneliness hit Mikey.

He missed his big brother, was sad that they hadn't talked for what seemed like ages.

It had been several days since the blue-masked ninja had arrived for breakfast late one morning with no explanation whatsoever.

Master Splinter had not been pleased and Mikey had made himself scarce as he remembered the lost look on Leo's face as he stumbled in, still wet from a shower with nail marks in his shoulders.

Mikey could not remember a time _ever _when he had seen such a conflicted look on his elder brother's usually composed face.

Ever since that day something had definitely happened.

Mikey scratched his bald scalp and lifted his head to look at Donatello.

They were the only two turtles sitting at a usually full kitchen table this morning.

The fact that Raph wasn't there wasn't surprising.

Mikey had learned very quickly that he either woke Raph up and prepared to run screaming (which he ended up doing most weekends laughing hysterically) or left the grumpy turtle alone for the morning... and _then _teased him relentlessly about everything he could think of!

The orange ninja cracked an evil smile. His hothead brother was just too easy to mess with!

Donatello shifted and glanced at his little brother's slightly maniacal grin, choosing conveniently to ignore it as he continued on with his large mug of potently caffeinated coffee.

The absences of Splinter and Leo were just weird.... Mikey thought.

Instead of sitting in his normal seat over a pot of boiling tea Master Splinter instead stood and watched the two youngest turtles from the shadows just outside the kitchen door.

Mikey couldn't help but notice that their Father was staring at them.

Just _a little _creepy that their own Dad was spying on them as if they were in some kind of test...

He shrugged.

If their Master wanted to miss out on some totally awesome breakfast with him and Donatello it was his loss!

Even if Mikey didn't really understand why their teacher was gazing intently at them he knew better than to question Splinter. He had gotten whacked on the head enough times by their sensei's wooden stick after he broke the rodent's concentration to know better.

The youngest turtle simply ignored the elderly rat and acted as if he was not there at all.

Quietly he sighed.

It was frightening to think that maybe their Master didn't have all the answers tucked away under his robe or in his old Japanese-style room; that maybe, even with all of Splinter's watching, he couldn't see the little things that Mikey could.

The youngest finally tore his eyes off the slowly swaying tail that betrayed their Master's otherwise unreadable feelings.

It wasn't fair! There were things that remained out of reach....Things that no matter how hard Splinter tried he simply couldn't grasp because of their separate understandings of the world and age difference...._species_ difference!

Mikey folded his elbows and tried to push away the rumbling growl of his stomach as he grew less sleepy.

His eyes opened a little more, largely because of the overpowering scent of coffee drifting under his nose.

Splinter had always been the father/mother/teacher figure giving them answers to the impossible questions in life.

Even when Don had innocently asked what the meaning of life was at a small age Splinter had given him a kind look and replied, 'that is for you to figure out my son. You must create your own path in life and live with the choices and decisions you make.'

It worried Mikey that maybe Master Splinter no longer really knew all that much about his teenage sons and what they were thinking...that maybe he didn't approve of the decisions they had decided to make in life...

That thought sent an icy stake of fear down to Mikey's heart.

The youngest turtle was certain that their Master would never be able to comprehend some of the things like comics and video games that had permanently settled inside of his mind.

Mikey fidgeted as he became acutely more aware of the dark beady eyes bearing down on his brother and he's shells.

Splinter could never understand his feelings for Donatello.

Maybe it was because Michelangelo and his brothers were four mutated turtles?

Was that why he didn't understand? Because they were different species? Because their Master could never know what it was like to have green skin?

Him and his brother's features had pretty much been cut down the middle, giving them half the characteristics of a normal turtle and half the characteristics of a normal human.

They were stuck with different anatomies, different bodies, different hormonal and emotional systems as hot-blooded reptiles.

As his Donnie-boy would say, they were pretty genetically confused.

Were they more human than turtle or more turtle than human?

Personally Mikey was inclined to think more human....but dude, he wasn't going to go asking Donnie and have his elder brother close himself off in his lab while he took DNA samples and obsessed over it until he found out (which had happened before!).

They were different from their Master.

Splinter was a half-human mutated rat. He had different features and different hormonal systems to them. He was intelligent, had a rat-like face but stood on hind legs like a human...

It hadn't mattered before Mikey decided his eyes seeking out Donatello, until the orange-masked ninja had gradually began to realise that while Master Splinter still had their best interests at heart perhaps he could never fully understand his sons...

It was impossible that Splinter could tell what they were going through; what it was like to fight with a shell, how pheromones couldn't be beat down now that they were sexually mature, how hard it got when they had been shut underground for their entire lives with no one but each other for company.

What that why perhaps their Master didn't really understand why things were happening between them...?

Mikey was sure that he wasn't the only one who could see the balance shifting in their family.

The thought made the orange ninja frown.

Understanding things had never been his strong point, it was more Donnie or Leo's department...

Mikey continued frowning as he grabbed the box of cereal that was sitting on the table, finally giving in to the insistent growl of his stomach.

He went cross-eyed as he tried to watch their Sensei in the shadows while at the same time sloppily pouring milk into his already full bowl.

Finally the deep thoughts snapped and let his mind out of its spiral. Mikey wasn't sure if he'd ever get that back again but decided that he didn't really care.

Life was totally about _doing_ things not _thinking_!

Loosing concentration of what he was doing Mikey grinned cheekily, the frown leaving his face abruptly.

Donatello raised another eye-ridge at his little brother who suddenly piped up after lifting his head from the table and snapping out of whatever thoughts he'd been lost in, returning to his usual self.

Michelangelo knew the one thing he was way better at than any of his brothers (not including being the fun, joking party-dude) was being a natural teenager!

He laughed slapping himself on the head and getting an odd look from Donatello.

He couldn't believe he had never thought of that before!

He was sooo going to rub it in all of his bro's faces!!

Even though they tried to act as if it didn't happen to them being a teenager meant that none of the four turtles had absolute control over their emotions and Mikey knew how to totally exploit that (especially with Raph!).

Being a teenager meant that they should have all be running around recklessly and unthinkingly full of teenage confidence and bravery! It meant that they should all be incredibly horny all the time, every day, every _**second **_no matter where or what they were doing!!

Mikey almost choked as he scooped the old tough cereal onto his spoon and stuffed an overly large mouthful into his grinning lips, getting the sickly taste of crunchy sugar and slightly gooey wheat flakes.

Were they all horny at the moment?

Totally!

Was he exaggerating?

No way! Stupidity and hormones was what being a teenager was all about!

...

Ok well, _maybe_ he was exaggerating just _a little_....

But as a teenager, the best at being a teenager in their household, the orange ninja could see that things were totally changing.

Master Splinter had always told them that balance was essential for life.

And Mikey could tell that Raph and Leo were not acting normal...

It was as obvious as the fact that he liked pizza. Being a teenage who could read emotions came in handy.

Leo's gaze looked constantly glazed over in thought or drifted to the red ninja who had been in a surprisingly good mood for some reason.

It confirmed Mikey's suspicions as the blue-masked ninja changed moods so quickly Mikey realised he was seeing something he had firsthand experience with courtesy of Donatello and his crazy work related stress.

Raph and Leo were totally _flirting_ with each other... as in _**flirting**_, flirting!

_That _was the change he had noticed in their household. The weird changing of Leo's moods and the strange forms of affection passing between his usually battling brothers.

They could not make it any more obvious!

When Leo had arrived at breakfast a few days ago looking like someone had just asked him the meaning of life Mikey had noticed it.

It made the orange-masked ninja _slightly_ nervous.

Mikey had never seen Raphael acting so...dreamy.

...

Mikey never thought he would have had to use the word 'dreamy' to describe his hot-headed sibling.

He must have accidently ended up in the wrong house with the wrong set of brothers.

Raphael was _flirting_ with the blue-masked ninja (yes _**flirting**_) leaving Mikey even more bewildered than before as his understanding of his brothers melted into large puddles of goo around his feet.

Mikey couldn't really tell what Leo's response was.

The eldest turtle was one complicated dude; somehow no one seemed to be able to climb into the head of their big bro and set things straight with him and comfort the turtle like he had done for each and every one of them sometime during their lives.

Mikey stared at the milk-soaked cereal on his spoon suspiciously, his eyes narrowing.

He just couldn't get over it.

Raph and Leo?

_**Flirting?**_

...

Did he accidently eat the wrong kind of sugar flakes for breakfast?

Had he accidently swallowed one of Donnie's experiments without realising it? Was he hallucinating? Was he about to get eaten by some giant alien-race slug monster and the world destroyed?????????

The orange-masked ninja had told himself that he was going to get to the bottom of things in their family. He had told himself that he was going to find out what was going on between his brothers.

Time had flown by so fast Mikey realised that so far he had been too absent minded to actually _do_ anything.

He glanced at Donatello beside him.

Now he had come to a standstill.

Maybe it was a sign that it was time to snap back into action!

"Hey _Donnnnie_..." he hissed out of the corner of his mouth as from the darkness Master Splinter shifted, his eyes staying glued to them from the shadows.

Their sensei made Mikey feel at least _a little_ bad for sitting pressed almost thigh to thigh with his bro under the table as the sharp rodent eyes scrutinized them.

Donatello seemed too tired lately to even really notice his own subtle attempts to stay close.

Mikey sighed goofily remembering the shock and delight from their surprise kiss a couple of nights ago.

"What Mikey?" Donnie asked, his face not emerging from behind the large newspaper he was skimming through.

The large print meant that half the youngest turtles face was obscured by the paper as he tried to navigate the possibly drug-addled cereal into his mouth.

"_Shusshh_ dude!"

Mikey wasn't sure if this was the type of conversation he wanted their father to overhear. He didn't want to screw things up for his brothers even more just because his mouth was too big.

"Ok" Donnie sighed inclining his head towards his younger brother though his eyes stayed on the paper, "What is it Mikey?" he tried in a half-whisper without much interest.

The orange ninja paused ignoring his brother's lack of enthusiasm.

How was a turtle supposed to phrase something as delicate as this in the right way?

This was going to sound totally weird.

"Have you noticed anything like..._ I dunno_... _**different **_about Leo and Raph lately?"

Don eyes flickered away from his newspaper to give his little brother a blank look.

"What did you have in mind?"

Mikey frantically shushed him, leaning in close so that they were talking behind Donnie's big newspaper.

Donatello frowned, though the corners of his mouth twitched in beaten down amusement at the antics.

"Dude you can't have not noticed it! Last night, did you see the way they were like, washing dishes at the sink after dinner? They were...."

The orange ninja paused for a dramatic effect, making sure the whole awesomeness and greatness of what he was about to say was being fully appreciated.

Donatello rolled his eyes at the youngest turtle.

"What?"

Again there was another pause.

Something delicate like this could _not_ be rushed!

"...they were...."

Donnie tilted his head failing to be drawn in to the orange-masked ninja's apparent suspense.

"_What_Mikey?"

The longest pause yet had Mikey breathless, waiting for the perfect moment to drop the bombshell.

"...They were..........."

Snorting Donatello turned back to his newspaper, straightening out the pages and continuing on with his reading, ignoring that wide-eyed dramatic turtle talking into the side of his face.

"_Donnnie_!" Mikey whined breaking out of his mondo-intense mode, "this is totally serious dude! You've gotta know what I was about to say!"

The purple ninja didn't even glance up obviously disbelieving at his younger brothers 'incredible' announcement.

"And I'm _totally serious_ about reading this newspaper" Donnie replied leafing through it until he settled on an article he liked.

Mikey, a little _too_ desperately, grabbed the purple-masked ninja's arm and wibbled using the irresistibly cute, warm, fuzzy puppy-dog eyes trick. He even added a tremble in his lower lip making it the perfect weapon against his seemingly immovable partner.

Mikey was just that good.

Soon enough the subtle twitch of his cheek and the wrinkling of the lines beside his beak spelled the end for poor soft-hearted Donatello.

The older turtle sighed and slapped the newspaper down turning to him.

"You're not going to quit bugging me until I listen are you?"

Michelangelo made huge sparkly eyes of gratitude.

"Nope" Mikey said brightly clinging to his brother's arm and resting his head on the taller turtles shoulder to look up at him with a big cheesy grin.

Donnie sighed and massaged his temples resisting the urge to reach for his large coffee mug again.

Mikey took that as a perfect cue to continue.

He took a deep breath and finally spelled out exactly why his dramatic pauses had been so totally appropriate.

"They were _**flirting**_with each otherdude!"

There was about a one second pause before Donnie reacted.

If the purple-masked ninja had had coffee in his mouth he would have splurted it out all over the table.

Mikey blinked as his lover suddenly choked and grabbed the edges of the table coughing and spluttering madly.

Well that was unexpected...at least he had Donnie's attention now!

Mikey patted his brother on the shell to encourage breathing again, waiting for the purple ninja to regain his breath.

"Raph and Leo?" Donnie finally gasped out as he quickly recovered from the apparent shock Mikey had given him by his announcement.

There was a very strange look of the purple-masked ninja's face that Mikey couldn't quite pick out.

He became instantly distracted as something else caught his attention...

"You said it bro" Mikey agreed becoming suddenly and unexplainably interested in the skin of Donnie's moving, breathing neck...the neck he was lying his head on.

Now that they mentioned flirting...When was the last time they had had a night together anyway?

As Mikey's thoughts became slightly...off topic....Donatello hesitated, his mind still reeling from the fact that his brother, his little brother knew... or at least was catching on to what Donatello knew was really,_ really_ none of their business.

Mikey, having the self control to lift his mind from the gutter for at least a second sensed the sudden tension in the other turtles frame and lifted his head from the purple ninjas shoulder to look at his lover-boy curiously.

"You know something about them?"

He let go of the arm he had been discretely snuggling into, the question more a statement than a query.

"Dude what is it?"

Donnie faltered and opened his mouth as Mikey realised his lover-boy was torn about telling him the something he wanted to know.

Mikey almost felt bad for asking as a guilty look came across his smart brother's face.

"I think you should ask Leo about it Mike....it's not really my place to tell..."

Mikey was smart enough to figure out that that definitely meant something.

"There's something, something up between our bros?" he asked, his interest skyrocketing.

Donatello's cheeks flushed remarkably, Mikey only catching sight of it because he was right up close near Donnie's face.

Ok, this was getting both weird....and hot.

"Technically I suppose you could call it that..."

It 'wowed' Mikey.

He wasn't just seeing things; Raph and Leo were _actually_ flirting!

Donatello frowned at the thoughtful and wondrous look rapidly rising on the youngest turtles face.

"Don't Mikey. You know how they get... Leo didn't really tell me anything in _agreeable_ circumstances. Just leave this alone and let them sort it out between themselves..."

Mikey's thoughts scrambled as his focus was shifted back to Donnie and the skin of his neck.

He tuned his brother's voice out slightly and looked up from the kitchen table to the dark shiny eyes of their father, still watching them in the shadows.

His gaze wandered back over to Don who was sitting next to him looking way too tempting and worried all in one.

He knew just how to fix that...

"Don't you wanna read the paper anymore Donnie?" he asked slyly interrupting the over-analysing complicated babbling of his elder brother.

"Huh? But Mikey I was just-"

Don stopped at the pointed look he received from his younger brother and coughed, the pink on his cheeks growing just a little bit more prominent.

Slowly he shifted over and picked up the newspaper, casually rustling it open so that both their faces were hidden again as Mikey leaned in to him.

"I am so going to get to the bottom of this thing dude!"

Donatello's worried face returned with a vengeance as he quickly vocalised his protest.

"Mikey! I'm not sure that's such a-"

Mikey reached up and placed his hand over his brother's mouth cutting off his concerned speech.

Sometimes Donnie could be worse than _Leo_ with his anxious lectures when he had his mind set on something.

"Chill dude! I'm not going to do anything _stupid_!"

Donatello gave him a highly dubious look and Mikey stuck out his tongue pulling his hand away from his brother's mouth gently.

"Mikey this-"

But Michelangelo cut in before the purple-masked ninja could say anymore.

"Dude I thought you were smart!"

Donnie quickly shut up at the seemingly out of nowhere comment.

That was the second time one of Donnie's brothers had said that. Just because he was smart didn't mean he was a mind-reader!

Rolling his eyes Mikey darted in and placed a small kiss on Donatello's lips.

Mikey very quickly stole his brother's breath away with the small contact.

"Trust me Donnie!"

Donnie's eyes flickered shut as he concentrated on breathing. He ignored the urge to just reach out and kiss the younger turtle senseless.

"I miss you bro...."

Mikey winked, though Donatello didn't miss the slight pinkness that had also appeared on the Mike's cheeks as he reopened his eyes.

Donatello shook his head as Michelangelo abruptly stood and dumped his soggy breakfast cereal in the sink, bouncing out of the room like nothing had just happened.

Donatello stared after him, wondering where the shell he was going and knowing that he would never look at the newspaper in the same way again.

Donatello couldn't keep the blush off his face as he half-heartedly downed the last cold dregs of his coffee and turned to the old chewy cereal.

Maybe the gooey crusty sugar could give him some relief as he spooned it into his mouth.

...

He choked as it enveloped his taste buds.

Nope, no relief there either.

8080808

Splinter could feel Michelangelo's gaze focused on him, seeking him out even as he watched his two youngest sons from the shadows.

When the youngest turtle's concentration and focus broke the elderly rat silently shuffled away unnoticed as his two children whispered behind Donatello's large newspaper.

He slid open his traditional Japanese door and closed it quietly, kneeling and settling on the mat he kept in his room next to his futon above the portrait of his beloved master Yoshi.

It took him no time to centre himself and slip into complete focus with his family.

Splinter could not tell exactly what thoughts or processes where going through the mind of each of his sons, only light waves of concealed emotions.

He focused and concentrated on one block of feelings, the deepest well of pain that seemed to be at heart in each of his sons. There were intricate layers of stress and work and responsibility.

Splinter found himself unable to push deeper as he was locked out of their minds, most strongly by Leonardo but also persistently and powerfully by Donatello and Raphael.

This was a strange occurrence. He had not remembered any of his son's minds being so capable of building metal barriers.

His face creased into a frown as he found himself pushing harder into the deep wells that kept his sons emotions hidden.

The candles flickered softly as he struggled and gasped, suddenly knocked back finding that he could go no further than the more positive layers above the negative.

As the rodent let go of his focus confusion swelled.

Why was such happiness layered under so many negative emotions?

Splinter sighed as looked to his old withered hands which when unfurled looked in likeness to toughened brown leather creased over time.

Was it better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness?

Never had he imagined that he would face such problems when raising his four turtle sons. Never had he imagined that perhaps his role as father had to extend beyond that of just a teacher.

Desires of the body and heart were not things he had ever had experience with, not when it came to companionship.

In Japan he had lived a happy life in a cage with his beloved master; how could he provide guidance when he himself had never experienced such trials?

He looked to the smiling face of his Master which had been hung over his futon.

What would the ancient one do? What would his beloved Master Yoshi do if he were alive today?

Were his old fashion principals actually destructive to their family? Was it the hope that he could still cling to the ancient life of pure Japan?

Splinter knew at least that he was partly to blame for the hurt his sons were going through. The hurt of his two youngest sons and the hurt of his eldest...

Splinter flinched as he tried to put the small amount of guilt stirring within him beyond his mind.

He had made a mistake, one that he could not erase in the threads of time.

Leonardo had been through too much for such a young being in the world. He was disappointed in Leonardo's actions, not in Leonardo himself.

Leonardo never spoke of experiences that had left him worse off in life. While his youngest talked his eldest kept quiet. The blue-masked ninja had been beaten, stabbed, poisoned, drugged, captured, sent away twice, wore more scars than any of them and had been almost killed by his own brother...yet never spoke of any of it.

Splinter found it difficult to decipher the change in the turtle he had always put his faith into.

Though Splinter could feel himself going soft and leaning towards the fatherly side of himself that only wanted his son's happiness...and perhaps allow his two youngest sons to divulge in their..._relationship_, he dreaded to think of what would happen in Leonardo and Raphael also fell into that position.

Still it did not ease the heavy feeling of guilt as he sat in indecision, doing nothing and watching as Raphael pushed Leonardo while he continued training Leonardo for long hours after his brothers had been excused.

Perhaps talking to his sons would do some remedy... though Splinter was not sure how to approach such a topic.

He was disappointed that none of them were accepting it was impossible to form any real bonds of romantic affection because of what they were.

He had a great dislike for being unable to provide council, especially as his eldest was acting as though he had somehow forgotten his place in their family.

Splinter heard his youngest son run by, evidently no longer with Donatello in the kitchen and could not keep his mind from picturing his youngest sons face finding that his heart was softening.

The old rat knew that he would do anything to keep the slowly diminishing smile bright and burning within his children, to keep it on Michelangelo's face.....to keep happiness on all of their faces.

Splinter shook his head tussling his fur agitatedly as his meditation became useless to his conflicted mind.

Perhaps he was over-thinking such decisions.

He had never doubted his son's judgements before. They were no longer the innocent chubby faced youths he had found and raised from the cold waters of the sewer.

Was it time to perhaps let them grow without his scrutinizing gaze? To gain maturity he somehow had shielded them from needing in the past?

Was he was too old for this... to be giving judgement anymore.

His four sons were now in their elder teenage years...was it finally time to let go?

No matter what age they reached none of them could still go out to the surface world like regular human adults could and gain maturity from experience.

Splinter had always tried to warn his sons of the dangers of the human world...perhaps it was a good thing he was keeping them here all under his watchful gaze...

Or was real knowledge to know the extent of one's ignorance?

...

How would Donatello react to freedom in his life? Would he work more or less than he already knew was appropriate? How would this affect Michelangelo? Would they become....Splinter searched for the appropriate word... an _item_?

And Michelangelo? ... It scared Splinter to think that perhaps his son might lose the joking smile if he let his youngest son mature. Would his youngest become lost in the weight of the world or would freedom help him flourish and fan the youthful fire burning within him? Would a freedom that allowed him to pursue his relationship with Donatello cause him happiness or heartbreak?

Would Raphael immediately leave for the outside world if the opportunity arrived? Would he stay and mature into a turtle less angry and suppressed by his family?

And Leonardo...his eldest, his best student... Splinter sighed sadly.

Leonardo had always been the most mature out of his brothers. Would setting Leonardo free of all the time, dedication and practises release the guilt he saw too often in his eldest eye's as self-imposed failure? Would it break Leonardo if the blanket of training and schedules of the day and patrols were ripped from him? Or would Leonardo prosper as he was allowed out of their lair and mature into something more than the already loyal and dedicated turtle Splinter saw?

Splinter could see evidence of them already maturing, breaking through his controlled well-beings and wishes for them.

Donatello and Michelangelo had pursued a relationship without his advice or counsel, Leonardo had stuck up for his brothers after a still largely unknown turnaround in him. Raphael's Nightwatcher suit had been anything but innocent as Splinter remembered catching sight of it in his son's bedroom before being packed away when Leonardo arrived back home from training.

Perhaps his sons did not see any moral issues in pursuing romantic relationships with each other? Could he hold morality over them if they were the only four in their entire species?

Splinter knew that in his heart he could no longer sit in indecision.

He would prefer to make mistakes in kindness and compassion than work miracles in hardness.

Splinter got up from his meditation pose and shuffled out of his room.

He would speak to Leonardo and finally try to set things right, provide the best counsel he could in such conditions.

Perhaps it was not longer decided by him what his four sons could do and could not do.

It was time to listen to Leonardo's opinion. To let him finally speak openly.

Splinter would let Leonardo decide what course of action was best to take for their family as their leader, as the eldest, as a brother...as his son....

He had faith in Leonardo and his abilities.

He had faith in his sons.

808080

He didn't know why it happened; he didn't know what exact part of their encounter had permanently shut down his brain into this worthless lake of sludge.

He didn't know what exactly happened to his usual tough-guy sullen, angry 'I'm gonna smash ya' demeanour.

He didn't know where all his anger had suddenly disappeared to out of nowhere.

He didn't know why something so small could have such a huge effect on him and melt his brain into fucking goo for days on end.

He didn't know why his eyes now couldn't stop looking at the turtle who had caused all this rather than looking away and being content because he had got what he wanted.

Raphael Hamato's mind refused to switch on every time he was within a 10 mile radius of Leonardo.

The only thing he could be certain about was that he was on a permanent high.

He knew he must have been confusing their family like hell. Raph knew he was going to cop some serious teasing if Mikey could pull himself away from Donnie for more than 2 seconds.

Raphael was _not _drifting around the lair like some kind of pathetic love-struck girl. _He wasn't!_...

Leonardo was just too fucking perfect. No-one could resist someone like that! It wasn't his fault; he wasn't even the one who started this whole thing in the first place!

Leo just had to be perfect in a way that turned his mind into useless mush.

He just couldn't bring himself to be as hot-headed as usual while his brain was on a temporary vacation.

Raph's smile faded a little as he glanced around the dojo where he was slowly whacking the stuffing out of his favourite punching bag.

His mind had been so focused on Leo for the last few weeks; Mikey and Don...He had been ignorant of them and their own struggles this entire time?

Raph was finding it incredibly difficult to pry his eyes away from their fearless leader. Was this how Mikey and Don felt all the time? Wanting to touch each other but knowing that their father forbade them from doing so?

Instead of finally killing the desire that had been burning a hole in his insides, sleeping with Leo had added wood to the fire and made him desire the eldest even more.

Raph smiled bitterly hitting the sand filled bag half-heartedly as his motivation slowly faded.

He was getting a taste of his little brother's lives all this time and hadn't even realised it.

Now that he thought about it, damn...he hadn't actually properly talked to Don or Mikey for a long time...pulling his head out of his own ass for a second and realising that there was other people around him was probably a good idea. The world didn't revolve around Leo's confusing fucking issues anyway.

He retreated to the punching bag again, wondering what the hell he was going to say to his younger brothers.

..._'hey guys, I just wanted ta tell ya that I now totally understand how hard it is not to be able to constantly touch my brother in a dirty way'_....yeah that would go down _real _well.

...Now he was feeling guilty...just peachy.

He hadn't been purposely ignoring the two younger turtles or anything...His thoughts were just always revolving around Leonardo in some pathetic way. It had been shaped and concentrated into a little nagging bird that wouldn't stop pecking at his gut.

Even as he tried to concentrate on his recent lack of brotherliness his thoughts wandered back to Leo.

He would never take back the way he had sex with the blue ninja, would do it a million fucking times again, but now, for some idiotic reason that was way over his head... it felt wrong for calling it just sex.

He didn't just want sex with anyone, the thought of doing that with Don or Mikey made him feel sick. It was just Leo...

He wanted Leo again...just one more night with his body _and_ personality, the thing that he'd found underneath the mask all those months ago...the thing that made Leo more than just 'fearless leader'.

He didn't want to admit that seeing Leonardo made his stomach feel warm and spark with arousal.

But _**fuck**_, he didn't know what to do or how to control himself and how to somehow set this all right.

He didn't want to admit that maybe Leo wasn't the only one who always suppressed some major emotions...

Ok punching the stuffing out of the dojo's punching bag was a lot easier to focus on than Leonardo Hamato and their fucked up deal right now.

Raphael could feel a few grains of sand from his bag fall out and become wedged into the spaces between his fingers and scratch his knuckles.

Well wasn't that convenient.

It _would be_ the day Leo decided to meditate in the dojo instead of staying in his room like usual.

Personally Raph had really never understood meditation. After a certain amount of time all he could do was focus on the things that pissed him off which meant that all he achieved was making himself grumpy for the rest of the day.

As he'd said before; deep thinking and he did not sit well together.

"Hey fearless" he said casually as Leo stepped into their training area and paused, Raph knowing that his elder brother was obviously debating whether or not to stay or run like a coward.

Silently the red-masked ninja urged him to stay.

"Need help meditating?" Raph asked stepping backwards away from the punching bag, knowing that he may as well have turned into Mikey. _That _was how stupid he'd just sounded.

"It was funny" Leo said slowly apparently deciding to stay and walking into the dojo over to the mats he usually used, surrounding himself with burning sticks of candles, "I thought you just asked if I needed help _**meditating**_"

Raph snorted and let out a silent breath of relief, one he hadn't even realised he was holding.

"Well it's great to know ya don't have hearing problems then" he said failing to keep the grin off his face as he caught the expression on his supposedly 'mature' elder brother's features. Leo gave him the biggest '_are you serious look?_' look he'd ever seen.

"Raph?"

"Yeah?"

Leo was squinting at him silently, his gaze strong and piercing.

"_What?_"

"I thought Mikey might have stolen your mask for a second"

Leo shrugged as he seemed to accept it wasn't Michelangelo playing some sort of prank on him and sat down cross-legged, slipping his eyes closed as if the other turtle wasn't there.

Raph sat down beside him and tried to clear his mind.

If it had been any other day he probably would have got pissed off that Leo was ignoring him.

Something in the area of his brain that triggered anger had melted.

It was fucking hard but he was determined not to completely screw up or ruin his brother's meditation.

Within seconds of meditating he grew bored and impatient.

Raphael, knowing mediation was a lost cause, instead slipped into a state where his mind relived memories, most notably a couple of months ago when Mikey had teased him for burning the toast one morning. He didn't know where or why this was the particular memory that came up but he just went with it and for once accepted that he had no deep spirituality to think of anything meaningful.

"Fucking bonehead" the red ninja growled affectionately, remembering the huge fuss the toast had caused... and the laughs. That was a good morning; it made him happy thinking of their time as a family.

The red ninja jolted when Leo spoke, having temporarily forgotten about his close presence and why he was there in the first place.

"Who is?"

Raph didn't even remember saying anything out loud. His eyes snapped open while one of Leo's gazed at him, the other remaining calmly shut.

Raph wondered why his nerves were so much more sensitive while he sitting here failing at meditation and looking at Leonardo like he had just asked a completely insane question.

He quickly tried to find his tongue remembering that he was supposed to be saying something.

Oh crap, idiot, _idiot_! He was not usually this stupid!

"Mikey" he said smirking as his mouth started working again pushing down the squeak that wanted to rise in his throat.

Leo tilted his head to the side with a kind of 'well that's obvious' look, one that at the moment Raph totally agreed with.

"There's a reason why little brothers aren't known for being particularly easy to deal with" Leo said rolling the one eye he had opened.

Raph was confused and happy.

Leo seemed to be drawing strength from somewhere, somewhere that was making him act like the turtle behind the mask...

They both chuckled, not sarcastically or in a sneering or mocking way....

It was just a normal laughing chuckle that they shared with each other.

"Heh" Raph said, his eyes bright with laughter, a small smirk on his face, "reminds me of the time when Mikey broke the fucking cookie jar"

Leo apparently forgetting about meditation got a thoughtful look on his face opening both eyes and unfurling his crossed arms.

"And who bullied him into it?" he asked raising an eye-ridge at him; his eyes more clear than Raph had seen them being for a while now.

Raph snorted but the laughter didn't fade from his eyes.

He was suddenly wondering if he had fallen asleep meditating or something. It would be the stupid kind of thing he would do when it came down to meditation.

He found himself retorting playfully unsure why they were acting so friendly to each other all of a sudden.

"Yeah well none of us are exactly _innocent_! Remember tha' time when ya broke Sensei's Japanese teapot he got from Japan?"

Leo's eyes closed as he took a deep breath remembering back to the days of their childhood. A slightly less amused expression came over his face as he stayed quiet for the second.

Raph blinked and then tried not to sigh, wondering what he had done wrong this time, realising that the friendliness of that weird moment was over. He probably wasn't going to get an answer out of his elder brother now that Leo had decided enough was enough.

"That wasn't me"

Raph was almost shocked that Leo answered as the words hung in the air, though his elder brother's eyes remained closed.

"Master Splinter punished ya for it" Raph pointed out closing his eyes as well just because it felt more natural when Leo was doing it as they talked.

He shifted his body to face his brother's. He knew he wasn't the only one feeling it when he heard Leo do the same.

"I was covering for Donnie"

Although it was strange Raph didn't really have a problem with talking to his brother with eyes closed. They didn't seem to be fighting and he didn't want to ruin that, not when this was one of the first civil conversations he'd had with his brother for a long time.

"Donnie can take punishment ya know" Raph stated, not sounding accusatory, just kind of neutral...as neutral as Raphael could manage with his usually explosive emotions.

Leo let out an abrupt laugh. It was so out of place and sudden that it almost made Raph open his eyes. He rammed his eyelids together and somehow kept them closed for Leo's sake, trying desperately not to screw anything up...

"I know" the blue ninja agreed, "but we were only little at the time and he was so scared, I couldn't bring myself to see him cry. Somehow I still can't stand to see any of my brothers hurt"

Raph chanced cracking a single eye open even when it felt entirely out of place.

Leo looked sheepish even with his eyes closed.

"I was just looking out for him, for all of you"

Raph let his eye close again....

_But who was looking out for Leo?_

"Too selfless for your own good" he muttered half-heartedly not sure if he wanted Leo to catch it or not.

He heard Leo let out a small snort and Raph knew that he must have heard the mutter.

"Not as much as you may think" the blue ninja mumbled, "I've been selfish a lot as well".

Raphael found that almost too much to swallow. One of the things he hated more than cowards was self-pity. He didn't believe his brother anyway. Leonardo just wasn't a turtle any of them associated with selfishness. Mikey? sometimes, Raph? maybe, Donnie? on occasion, but never Leonardo. They just never saw it in him. It was a fact of their family.

"Give me a good example and I might just believe ya" Raph challenged almost wondering if Leo himself could come up with any proof.

"Once I stole your shell cycle keys just so you wouldn't go out because I thought you weren't spending enough time with the family"

There was a pause as Raph's mouth fell open even with closed eyes.

"That was _you_??"

The only thing that stopped him from becoming incredibly pissed off was the fact that Leo was fighting a smile. Leo's smiles were always the most sincere out of all of them. Raph didn't want to miss something like that.

"I thought that was Mikey!! I slapped him over the head for about a week coz I thought he was just making up that he didn't take 'em"

Raph could tell that Leo was pleased with himself and found himself kind of _impressed _that Leo could be so fucking sneaky. Sometimes from time to time they all forgot that they were ninjas and not just lazy turtles hanging around the sewers leading a normal life.

"Ya devious turtle" he growled refusing to admit that affection was starting to leak through his voice.

He knew that whatever he said, whatever facial expression he had on his face Leo would sense it just as he could tell Leo was fighting not to smile.

Who was this turtle? He didn't seem to be uptight or the typical pain in the ass leader figure Leo acted like usually.

When Leo was being the leader they fought like crazy. Once he bothered to even just tap the surface a whole new side of the blue-masked ninja emerged, the side where they got along, where they fucking _laughed_ together.

Raph knew his thoughts were getting screwed up and couldn't help it as he voiced the first thought that came to his head.

"Fuck Leo!"

Now he could feel Leo's concern with the sudden outburst.

"What?"

Somewhere in their closed eye conversation they had both leaned forwards. As Raph opened his eyes he blinked, not realising how close they had gotten to each other until Leo was right there in his face.

Leo's eyes opened.

He also looked shocked at their close proximity.

The blue-masked ninja tried to jolt backwards just as Raph snapped forwards and caught his arm.

A small frown marred Leo's face, one that showed that his leader, perfectionist side was threatening to surface.

The blue ninja's eyes flickered faster than the candle flames across his face as they stared at each other.

Raph observed how the candles made Leo's eyes seem that much deeper even while they were moving so rapidly. The golden candles turned his elder brother's blue bandana dark grey and his skin a warm green.

Slowly the creasing frown that had formed between the blue ninja's eyes slowly diminished as Leo stared at him still looking for something.

"What'cha searching for?" Raph asked quietly.

No surprises as Leo didn't respond.

The red ninja breathed out suddenly, unexplainably breathless as something came over him.

He felt like he was in some kind of movie at the scene where the main hero and heroine had their intimate moment together. He was sitting far too close to his elder brother, touching his arm and staring at each other like fucking girls.

And there was the spark of arousal back again in full force.

"Leo you..."

Leo's mouth opened slightly but said nothing as his breaths came out almost unnoticeably shorter. Raph didn't miss it just as he felt his breath being sucked away by some unknown force.

He couldn't really understand what to do now.

With his hand still on Leo's arm he leaned forwards a fraction of an inch.

Leo didn't move, just stayed perfectly still in his meditation pose. Raph knew that it was Leo's silent acceptance as well, that he wanted this...

Raph shifted his body even closer so that they sat knee to knee facing each other and reached up to place his other hand on Leo's arm.

He rubbed circles on the older turtle's biceps as Leo's eyes seemed to finally find what they were looking for and focus in on the slow actions.

The red ninja's lips tugged up into a sort of half-smile, half-smirk.

They both closed their eyes as they leaned on each other, Raph managing to get a glimpse of a very subtle pink on Leo's cheeks just as he could feel heat leaking into his own.

He tilted his head to the side barely brushing their foreheads together and butting their heads softly.

Raph wasn't sure what they were doing but hell he didn't want to stop.

All he could hear was the almost silent breaths of his brother, the scent of candle wax and Leo's soap and the sudden pounding of his heart.

He butted Leo softly again, a sign of affection.

Raph leaned his mouth upwards lingering just over Leo's slightly open lips.

He could feel everything, Leo's hands reaching out to lie on his knees, the way he tilted his head and rubbed their beaks together, their lips still lingering over each other and building whatever feeling that was rising.

The feeling of wrongness rushed over him so abruptly that everything happened in reflex.

They sprung apart as if some invisible forces were pulling them to the opposite walls of the dojo.

And Master Splinter cleared his throat in the doorway, his expression unreadable.

"I wish to speak to Leonardo privately" their master said in a low voice, his tail high and swaying.

Leo suddenly lost his composure, a look slamming into his expression that said he had no other choice other than to silently stand and follow their master as requested to do so.

As the blue-masked ninja followed the rodent he gained a sombre expression which masked away the other emotions. Not once did the blue ninja look back at Raphael.

...

Raph stared at the spot his brother had been only seconds ago not even looking up as Leo passed him and out the door behind the old rat.

This is why he felt guilty; this was why he was trying to suppress everything! This was why he didn't want to get involved!

Even through all of it, all this crap, Raph still couldn't seem to crush the small part of himself that made his stomach feel warm every time he saw Leo.

He just wasn't thinking, like was typical of him.

There was nothing else he could do or say, especially not to Master Splinter when he was determined to speak to their eldest. He just hoped that the rat wasn't about to guilt everything they had just done out of Leo.

The only thing Raphael could do was return to his punching bag.

They probably should have learnt their lesson from Don and Mikey. Living in a house with four nosey siblings and a father made it impossible to ever have real privacy. He'd been too swept up in the moment to even think of closing the door.

Raph swore, his hands grabbing his sais to tear into something.

The dormant anger was rising within him again.

Things couldn't get more fucking complicated could they?

He hated it knowing that things could...and would get worse.

Just as Leo was about to find out...

REVIEW!


	9. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love) and incest (or _**turtlecest**__)_. NC-17; contains detailed _**SEX**_. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Enjoy!

Some say speed is an indicator of things to come.

Pace and speed; two things that were helping Leonardo determine and analyse his situation, helping him read his Father.

Leo had learned that pace could determine a person's mood going into a situation, could determine how nervous or relaxed one was.

He had learned that pace was just another word for speed. A fast pace generally betrayed excitement or fear or nervousness. A slow pace was of leisure or laziness, inability or comfort.

Splinter's pace was anything but his usual shuffling amble.

Their sensei's pace was a giveaway of actions and emotions, things to come.

The rodent was faster than usual, had an obvious purpose.

He wasn't dragging his feet or walking slowly or casually.

He wasn't looking over his shoulder or talking to his eldest son.

For all he knew Leonardo could have just snuck off and ran to the other side of the city by now if he had wanted to run.

Splinter's swift movements revealed to his blue-masked son that Splinter was determined and focused in mind. He had a lot to say and wanted to make sure that Leo heard it.

From his pace the eldest turtle already knew nothing positive was about to come his way.

For Leo it was far too easy to know by Splinter's speed exactly what he was about to hear. It was far too easy to drift off into another world, a world where he wasn't trailing behind his surrogate father and following his rapid steps with flat downcast eyes.

He had never planned on telling anyone, least of all Raph, that he had stolen his shell-cycle keys.

Leo had almost allowed Raph to kiss him, show the affection that should have only been appropriate between real mates.

He just wasn't acting like Leonardo Hamato.

Leo doubted that he would ever let anyone see that...what the real Leonardo was like.

Leonardo Hamato had to be the leader, the brother, the responsible one and the honourable ninja; nothing else.

Raph was probably the closest anyone had gotten to seeing what was beneath his given title.

Their Masters unfortunate timing was probably just fates friendly reminder that Raphael was not a permanent thing.

The blue ninja s_hould_ have been getting serious; trying to fix the mess he had created in his family life like it was his duty to do. He should have been trying harder, stitching his brothers into one tight knit group one by one.

But no, something inside of him had gone strange and instead let him forget his job, let him lose sight of what he was in their family, become lost and confused and allow himself to flirt and be late to breakfast and then become stiff and silent when their Master brought him back to reality and trained him to exhaustion.

Raph (whether he was meaning to or not) was dragging him into a false comfort, like they actually had some kind of _real_ relationship...like Leo was allowed to be in love.

Leo was fighting two sides of himself...

His leadership side and the incomplete side of him that wanted Raph to keep.

He was strong.

He was still fighting, it meant that he could pull through this no matter which side won over in the end.

The blue-masked ninja observed their sensei's fast moving feet...

...The sinking feeling in his stomach told Leo that either way it was still going to be a challenge.

Now that the line between brothers was being blurred beyond recognition it was even harder to understand Raphael.

He could no longer read him clearly, had no clear line to determine what his expression and actions meant anymore.

Was this how Donnie and Mikey felt after they had their first night together? Was this what it was like when they slept together in Donnie's lab while he was knocked out in the same room? Were they also completely lost and had no idea what they were doing? Confused by the fact that they suddenly couldn't understand a sibling they'd grown up with?

Why was it, that suddenly, in only a matter of months something strange and painful had built between them and had ultimately led them here...Leo trailing after their Master obediently with his head bowed as they left Raph in the dojo to blow off steam on the punching bags.

The blue-masked ninja remembered when he had returned home from Central America to find that their family had drifted apart without him.

Leo remembered the first time he had been sent away to the ancient one. He still held the massive scar and missing chunk of shell on his back from that battle with the Shredder.

After that battle Leo had felt the sharp sting of self-imposed failure.

Two times when he had not been able to save his family from hurt and pain.

Leo silently followed the rat to his room.

He wasn't having thoughts of failure for once and he wasn't scared.

He had no idea _why_ but he felt a spark of anger deep in his gut.

Leonardo didn't understand where it was coming from.

He had no real reason to be angry other than the fact that he hadn't been angry in a while at anyone in their household.

There was a pause as they reached their destination far quicker than they usually did on any normal day of meditation or tea drinking.

It almost seemed like his Father did not know what to say as they reached his room and both kneeled on opposite sides of a small flat wooden table.

The table resembled a small wooden step or tray. It was deep polished wood that had been worn down from overuse.

Leo kept his head bowed waiting for the rat to start.

He could tell already that his lecture was either going to be very short or very long.

He took a deep breath trying to keep his head steady.

Judging by the anger festering within him Leo guessed it was going to be very a short conversation unless their Master stayed completely silent and lectured him with disapproving looks.

Master Splinter looked at him evenly with a penetrating gaze.

It was the gaze that made a turtle feel as if the rat was somehow reading his mind.

Finally Splinter cleared his throat and began in a low but even voice.

"Out of your three brothers Leonardo, _**you**_ would be the most likely to remember my old proverb"

Splinter cleared his throat again before reciting it.

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it is not the same river and he is not the same man."

Leo gave a small nod even with his head turned away.

He couldn't risk looking their Master in the eyes, not like this.

"Yes Sensei" he mumbled trying not to clench his fists.

Vaguely the eldest turtle remembered having taken a long time to actually understand that riddles meaning and even _longer _for him to explain it to all his brothers.

"You realise these words apply to all of us my son?"

Leo still wouldn't look him in the eye as his throat felt like it was slowly being squeezed by a giant fist.

"Of course Sensei"

He still didn't understand why he found his Father so unbearable at the moment.

Really his sensei had done nothing but request his presence in his room and walk fast.

Then again Leo had learned very quickly from Raphael that not all anger was justifiable. It wasn't the first time Leo just wanted to run away.

"Those words apply not only to you but to your brothers and me also" Splinter said looking at him with slightly narrowed eyes, "You know this my son..."

Leo tilted his head up even as he was fighting the sudden urge to roll his eyes.

It was strange. Annoyance had never happened to him at such a level before and especially not towards their Sensei.

"If we have no peace" Splinter began again "it is because we have forgotten that we belong with each other as family. You are one turtle out of your four brothers Leonardo."

He pointed a single furred claw towards Leo's chest.

"All feelings, both positive and unpleasant, come from the same heart. To turn shut out the pain is to slow the flow of pleasant feelings as well."

Leo _knew_ all that stuff, he knew that he was supposed to be playing out his role in their family. He _knew_ how emotions worked.

Leo didn't know what his father wanted him to say.

Why was he so riled up by that?

He couldn't pinpoint where or what he was angry at except for the rat in front of him.

Splinter cleared his throat frowning more deeply now.

"My son, many weeks ago you came to me asking for Donatello and Michelangelo's relationship to be given a blessing"

Leo gave a small nod.

The blue ninja could feel that both good and bad was going to come out of this.

His feelings didn't lie. He had to have faith in himself as leader.

Their Master lit candles as he gathered his thoughts.

Candles did nothing for Leo at the moment; something that weren't bringing him any peace or spirituality at all in such a tense time.

"Perhaps..." the old rat said finally turning to him sensing no change within his son's flashing eyes, "it is no longer my decision to make"

Leo's jaw snapped open, unsuccessfully managing to keep it rigidly clenched.

Their Master was the heaviest influence on their lives, even out of all their friends and foes.

How could he say that it was not his decision to make? It was like saying Donnie was smart but his inventions didn't work. It didn't work like that.

"You must understand my son. I have obviously wounded you and I apologise. I am not disappointed in you Leonardo; I was, perhaps still am only disappointed in your actions and how you have handled the changes our family is seeing"

It was a cold punch in the gut but Leo managed to hold his composure, realising it was better than a blunt admission of failure.

Somewhere in the back of his mind he didn't really believe even a word of what their Father was saying. The anger was still swirling within him uncomfortably.

He was only trying to help their family, putting family before love. That was what Splinter had taught him to do. Now Splinter was disappointed that Leo had followed Splinter's own rules?

"I have also witnessed something today that must be addressed..."

It was like someone had dumped a bucket of water over his head after the cold punch.

Leo could already feel the ominous feeling coiling in his gut.

"Leonardo I must ask you in all honesty..."

It was hard not to see the flicking tail of their Master while he was kneeling right in front of him; the giveaway of his disapproval....

"...are you involved romantically with Raphael just as Michelangelo and Donatello have become?"

Leo paused to stare at him.

It took him a few moments to realise that their Master wasn't exactly _glaring,_ but coming as close to it as he'd ever seen their Master come.

The blue ninja answered him as honestly as he dared, knowing that their Master would see all too easily through a straight out lie.

"I don't know"

He said it shortly, trying to fight down the fire.

There was another long pause.

Leo took it half-expecting to be screamed at, half-expecting to get more riddled words thrown at him. In fact he was surprised when he got neither.

Perhaps his father was not as calm or composed as he had always seemed.

"Look at me Leonardo"

Leo slowly raised his head to frown into the rats shiny black eyes.

He wanted his father to see that he didn't agree with him and his traditional opinions and old values. Something about this was seemingly anti-climatic to Leo...he could tell that there was something deeper about to be thrust into his face and onto his shoulders.

"I can see Michelangelo and Donatello must accept the choices they make. They do not have a blessing, only a blind eye. _However_ you _**must**_ take responsibility as leader my son and do what is necessary to protect this family! Do not mistake this as cruelty; this is honourable love Leonardo. A leader must do what is right for the team just as you must do what is right by this family"

Leo nodded numbly.

He nodded just like he had always done in front of their Master, always just accepting what their Master said was right.

This was it.

He was supposed to go on with life like usual... his role as big brother and leader rigid and never changing, an attitude that had gotten them into this whole situation in the first place.

The anger was strange as his limbs trembled on their own accord. Through the numbness Leo felt a strange lump building in his throat.

He swallowed and it only grew worse, like a massive protruding tennis ball choking up words.

His face flushed hot as he unclenched his fists, unnatural coldness slicing through the rest of his body.

"...Because I'm leader?" he heard himself asking.

It didn't sound like his own voice, he didn't even remember opening his mouth to speak. He tried to stay reasonable, tried not to let his voice crack...

He wasn't sure what he was close to doing at the moment.

"...and Raph?"

Splinter hesitated, his tail still flicking behind him.

"...Raphael must make his own decisions. You are the eldest and must take that responsibility"

Leo felt the anger spark so fast he didn't even recognise the burning welts appearing in his stomach at the emotion.

Was this how Raph felt when he disagreed with their Father? When he disagreed with him, Leo?

"You are wrong Sensei" he whispered, unsuccessfully pushing down the white hot feeling. He opened his mouth again but was cut off.

"We can do no great things; only small things with great love." His Master replied sounding sad but also annoyed. It was as close as their Father ever got to pity; it was as close as their Father ever got to anger.

Leo couldn't take it; he didn't care for anger and didn't want _pity_.

His fists curled, teeth clenched as the world grew bright and strange around him.

"You don't know what you're talking about" Leo snapped standing so abruptly candles fell around his feet and spluttered out on the cold wood.

Splinter's mouth fell open in surprise. He remained kneeling looking up at his eldest son with a stunned expression.

Leo turned around.

He didn't glance back to look at the kind soul that had raised them and who was always looking out for their well being. He didn't give it any second thoughts.

"Do not walk out of the door again Leonardo" Splinter said in his influential voice, "You are acting out of turn. This is not your decision to make and is your responsibility to fix"

"If you believe it is not my decision than you don't know me or any of my brothers!" he finally yelled turning around to face him.

Splinter stood up as if he was facing an enemy. Leo could read his Father far too clearly now.

He took a step back.

"No" Leo said holding up a single hand, stopping their Father in his tracks, "This talk is over"

And then he turned around again and with the most authority he had ever mustered walked out, his back to his sensei and running from him, running from his room, running out into living room, running from it all, running to the dojo...

Leonardo ran straight back to what was forbidden.

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Raph panted beneath him, his cock hard and shuddering, dripping for attention.

Leo didn't care that he had no idea what he was doing, he didn't care that Raph was laying kind of half dazed beneath him, that he was with his sai-welding brother basking in their doomed affection again...

Leo ghosted a finger just a hairs length away from touching Raph's cock making the other curse and squirm.

Leo was straddling him, had coaxed him into desire, had pinned Raph's hands beneath him.

He was using it to his advantage, his anger hadn't quite died yet and he was still running high on adrenaline and recklessness. He felt alive and desired and pissed off and anything but the eldest brother and leader of the ninja turtle foursome.

Raph was surprisingly compliant beneath him...perhaps it was pleasure messing with his brain? Leo didn't know and honestly was in no mood to contemplate or care about the reasoning behind it.

He lifted his brother's legs from the knees and wrapped them around his shell feeling Raph's clenching muscles cacoon him in rough shivering heat.

He would make Raph cum without even touching his desire; force Raph to cum harder than he had ever come before. He would drench himself in lust and sweat and his brother's semen. Taste it, rub it over his skin, make him smell like Raph for days...

They were so slick and wet and hot and hard and shaking against each other.

Leo couldn't stop his panting as he buried his face into Raph's neck and licked a long line straight up along his jugular and to his solid trembling jaw.

Neither of them had any patience tonight.

He slid in after prepping his brother only for a few moments with his saliva coated fingers. He had only messily sucked on them, too caught up in Raph's smug pleasured eyes.

A couple of rocks against each other and spasms of pleasure were ripping through Leo's nerves completely undoing any control he had left.

Apparently they were too intense for Raph as well as his legs unwound from around Leo's shell and flailed out, dropping so that they were hanging out over the two sides of the meditation mat and kicking and digging his heels into the ground almost in a split position trying to get leverage to push up and force Leonardo's cock deeper into his ass.

"......L...Leo..."

Raph trailed off for a second before clinging onto his shoulders and clenching his body squeezing Leo tighter.

Leo wanted to sob, silently clenching his eyes shut unable to tell anything apart anymore. In their hot rocking tangle he had no idea which leg was his or where his arms were.

Amazingly somewhere between the haze of sweat, musk, heat, hands, wetness, churrs and jerky thrusts Leo heard the sexy grumble of Raph's mouth against the side of his face kissing him tenderly...

...

"L...Leo....Leo...babe....I..I...think....i..........._** fuck! **_..."

The red ninja trailed off into incoherency as the final few pushes dragged him into a wet climax.

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Raph punched him softly.

Leo wanted to act indignant, to hit him back but his mind was currently in rewind. He tried to comprehend the words he knew Raph had just shouted somewhere in their lusty tangle of friction and rocking.

Now that the heat of the moment and adrenaline wore off he felt strange.

Kind of lost again.

Unfortunately he was getting kind of used to the feeling.

"We could make this work ya know" Raph said sighing, drawing a finger up his arm and settling a hand on his shoulder.

It was so strange to have Raphael like this with him, content...dreamy?

It was just another thing to add to his list of mind-boggling events that were happening to him in a short space of time.

It was like someone had suddenly pressed the fast-forward button on his life.

Everything was happening so fast that Leo didn't have a spare moment to work his emotions out.

He hadn't been able to properly meditate for a while.

Even thinking was confusing...

Leo wasn't really even listening to the words until Raph had opened his mouth again.

"We could do this all the time ya know, like what Mikey and Don got goin'."

He didn't even register the words until Raph nudged him with his rough elbow as his mouth stayed silent, his mind off in la-la land.

Leo bolted up as he stared at Raph in disbelief as his brain suddenly caught up with what was happening back in reality.

Now that he was out of the mindset, the strangeness and unfounded terror flooded him.

Raph didn't....he couldn't...

Of all the times to understand something Leo suddenly realised their big mistake like hitting a wall at full force.

Raph was staring at him with a concerned raised eye ridge as the blue-masked ninja stared at him like he'd just grown two heads.

Leo realised that they'd already stepped over the line of rivals and fuck buddies and into new territory.

Like a brick had just been slammed into his stomach it was suddenly all too clear that there was no fake affection in Raph's eyes...

The eldest turtle shook his head.

Raphael was being dead serious about this.

Master Splinter had forbidden their relationship, wanted him to act like a cold-bastard leader.

One hour of rebellion could hardly snap him out of a lifetime of putting family before love...

He had to stop this.

He was confused and being pulled in so many directions all he could utter was a single word that shattered everything.

...

"No"

It all he could manage, all he could utter as his breaths grew heavy.

It killed him inside to have to do this.

All he wanted was to spare his brothers any pain. If that meant he had to be the martyr then so be it.

If it meant a small hurt for Raph now but happiness in the long run then he would do what was best for his family.

He turned to his brother vaguely hoping that Raph would see through his horrible act.

Lady luck wasn't favouring Leonardo Hamato today.

"We can't Raph"

This was the beginning of the end.

Leo caught sight of anger and immediately knew what his brother was feeling.

Mentally he apologized wishing that things could have been different between them.

"Da fuck?" Raph narrowed his eyes as if he was trying to read Leo like some kind of book, "Why not?"

Raph's look became lethal.

Leo knew that if they had their weapons his brother would have been fingering his sais.

"Ya know ya not making much sense lately Leo" the red-masked ninja growled.

The accusation made Leo stop and think for a moment...

Raphael was right of course.

Leo _hadn't _been making much sense lately.

His family probably thought he was losing his mind or something.

Leo somehow forced himself to continue with the thought that he was finally going to resolve their situation once and for all, trying to make his lies sound at least semi-convincing.

It seemed so much easier to go up against their sensei before. He could already see anger trickling up into Raph's golden cat-like eyes.

"This isn't right..."

He said it in his quiet emotionless voice, the one his brothers called his enemy talk.

It was the voice he used when he was just about to kill. It was the perfect one to conceal how he didn't want to steal away a life. It was the perfect one to conceal how untrue what he was saying really had become.

"I don't want this anymore Raphael, I don't lo-......"

...it was too much, he couldn't say it.

He let it hang in the air as he lay next to his sibling with his jaw frozen staring into the golden eyes he was in love with. He saw his reflection in those tough eyes.

Leonardo was abruptly wrenching himself out of his brother's arms and stumbling out, ignoring Raphael's furious shouts behind him.

He didn't know what had happened, he couldn't do it, couldn't say it like that...he couldn't tell Raphael that even if he probably deserved it.

If Raph was a big enough bastard to make him fall in love then it shouldn't have bothered him to give some of the pain back.

The blue ninja used his skills so perfectly and with such ease that he was up and out of the lair and topside without blinking. The cold air hit him like being hit by Donnie's bo staff.

"Shell!"

Leonardo fell to his knees, looking up at the dark and cloudy night sky from some dingy alley next to a manhole.

Leo looked back down to stare at his shaking hands.

He'd gone against his Father to go to Raphael, he'd gone against Raphael to go with his Father. He'd yelled at his Father and said disrespectful things to him. He told Raphael that there was nothing between them, that they had to stop just as Raphael was offering him everything he'd ever wanted from the turtle.

He'd failed his job as leader spectacularly.

"...can't even protect them from myself..." Leo whispered wondering why his vision kept going blurry and why dark wet spots were landing and splattering continuously on his dark pavement in front of his beak.

As Leo looked up at the sky he caught sight of the beautiful bright moon becoming choked by clouds of pollution.

And then it hit Leo as he was left behind in the dark smelly night...

He was crying.

REVIEW!


	10. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love) and incest (or _**turtlecest**__)_. NC-17. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Enjoy!

If Mikey gained only one thing from the years spent living with his brothers in their lair under the streets of New York City, it was that none of his brothers were very open turtles.

It was like, built into their nature or something... he was the only one who could talk about stuff and still be considered 'normal' in their manly teenage family of hardcore ninja awesomeness.

There was an unspoken _thing_ that said being open about touchy-feely stuff wasn't normal.

It wasn't what lethal ninjas who stood in shadows and stalked their enemies like prey did.

It came with being the best teenager and having the ability to cry when his brother's bottled it all up inside.

His three older "mature" brothers apparently had more "discipline" than he did. Him being hyperactive or sad or excited was just a day-to-day thing.

The orange-masked ninja guessed it had been about a week and half since something had gone wrong with his bros..._Again_.

His big brothers were the biggest bunch of drama queens Mikey had ever seen (and that was including all the stupid daytime shows their Sensei watched!). For being such big 'elite' jounin they made a really big deal out of everything.

The subtle shifts of moods made it so Mikey could tell that just like last week when Leo had been late to breakfast another '_something' _had happened.

Mikey was guessing it was something big by the whole 'avoiding the shell out of each other' thing they had started up again...

Leo and Raph were doing the 'I'm an emotional teenager with wildly swinging moods' thing.

Donnie had been acting normal enough....Not like, _totally_ _normal_ or anything while he was still working and being sleep deprived and edgy... but like,_ normal enough _to let Mikey know that nothing had _dramatically_ changed with him.

Bottling emotions was totally stupid; Mikey had decided that a long time ago.

He crossed his arms stubbornly.

All his brothers were totally__impossible...

To add to the proof that they were all crazy Master Splinter had now suddenly started acting different as well.

And this was _Master Splinter_ they were talking about!

Splinter and Leo weren't meditating like they usually did, there were no candles or tea or incense floating around the lair leaving their home smelling foreign and exotic.

Not having that smell was like a big signpost that things weren't right.

The lack of smell sort of reminded Mikey of when Leo had been away and _that_ was a time none of them ever wanted to go back to.

If the whole lack of candles wasn't enough of a warning, practise had been called off for about a week now.

The most frustrating thing was that none of them would answer any of Mikey's questions about why any of this was actually happening!!

Postponing practise just wasn't normal!

The only positive things he could think of weren't really positive things at all...

Mikey noticed that their sensei wasn't spying on him and Donnie anymore. The elderly rat was now spending most of his time in his room putting endless thought into ...well whatever the shell he thought about when he was alone in there.

The orange-masked ninja wondered when exactly silence during the middle of the day had become normal.

Where everyone was hiding? Why wasn't anyone telling him anything??

Out of all his family Raph had been the most secretive so far.

Mikey guessed Raph was either drinking, patrolling or beating the crap out of street punks, all which seemed to be high on his 'to-do' list at the moment.

The only way Mikey could tell something was wrong was by the way the red ninja came back splattered with a little _too much_ blood, _too_ drunk or just didn't come home at all and slipped in quietly during the morning hiding in the shadows or locking himself in his room until he went out again at night.

Mikey's new totally motivated 'I'm-going-to-jump-into-action-and-help-my-brothers' attitude had tried several things to get Raph to open up. He'd even resorted to cornering Raph and trying to worm a confession out of him one morning after a really bad night.

_Bad_ idea.

Mikey could still see some of his poor bruised bruises!

Truthfully he_ probably_ shouldn't have expected anything else when he had first cornered his annoyed looking brother.

Raph was too stubborn and prideful for his own good to admit he was actually in pain, even worse than Leo in some ways.

Even if it was killing him Raph would stay silent. Trying to corner him to get a response...well it wasn't the greatest idea Mikey had ever had as the orange-masked ninja unfortunately discovered firsthand....

Mikey knew that somehow it all came back to Leo who was nowhere to be seen.

If Mikey hadn't known that Leo wasn't the type to go mondo-rebel on them he probably would have guessed that his older brother was _also_ going out and getting drunk and beating up street gangs like Raph was.

Mikey snorted.

But this was _**Leo**_ they were talking about. Leo who spent his life being boring just like their Father.

Mikey wasn't really sure _what_ Leo was doing or _where_ Leo was hiding out while Raph went topside.

One thing he knew for certain though was that he was sick of Leo hiding, something totally unlike his brother's usual attitude of facing his problems with honour and strength.

Mikey distinctly remembered Leo saying once that the most _honourable_ thing to do was to confront an issue head on and then resolve it, so that there was no doubt that everybody was left with peace.

Mikey knew where Raph got some of his grumbling complaints from now.

The youngest turtle knew that Leo would be somewhere close; it just wasn't Leo's style to go out to the other side of the city even when he was avoiding them.

With no signs of any of his brothers in any of their rooms or normal hangouts, Mikey got fed up and jumped up to the car shelter where they kept all of Donnie's vehicles and new inventions.

It was where Raph's shell cycle, their Tortuga brothers' moving van and Mikey's old Cowabunga Carl truck lived. It was kind of rare that any of them went there unless they were being cool and helping Don out with repairs.

Mikey was running out of places to check.

Daytime TV, the same old comics and a cranky Klunk (who he kept on waking up from her kitty rest to play with) just wasn't cutting it anymore.

He needed his brothers! He needed to find out what was wrong!

He was sick of being treated like he was the baby and sick of everyone assuming that just because he could shed a tear it meant that he couldn't understand anything! They were all nearing the end of their teenage years; he and Donnie had had sex for shell's sake.

It wasn't fair to call him the baby anymore; he was the same age as all of them!

He hated being in the dark all the time about everything.

As he got up to Don's garage Mikey's eyes immediately focused on an unfamiliar gleaming black truck parked right in the space where Don usually dumped his repairing equipment.

Mikey stood frozen for a moment, his thoughts quickly dying.

...

The panic quickly rose like a pump through his body, a loud girly scream hanging on the tip of his tongue.

Mikey jumped out and reached for his nunchucks, falling into a deadly serious fighting pose.

His breath increased and eyes narrowed, muscles suddenly jolting, his legs bent into a position that readied him for fight or flight if needed, determined to take on whatever enemy he faced for his brothers and father.

...

Silence and stillness followed as adrenaline streaked through his stomach and he blinked the slowly forming sweat out of his eyes.

Why wasn't he wasn't being leapt upon by violent thugs or hearing an evil Shredder-like laugh by now?

Cautiously Michelangelo moved around the quiet truck, ready for the slightest movement or sound of a creeping ninja or dragon.

Squinting at the polished black coating of paint something about this particular truck looked eerily familiar to him...

Flashes on a clash, screeching wheels, scraping metal and his brother's frantic yell as one of them went down hit with a freakishly fast impact...

As he stared at it Mikey realised that he actually _had_ seen the van before, a memory he'd completely forgotten suddenly springing to mind like a slap on the face.

He lowered his ready arms and stared at the shiny chunk of painted metal in surprise.

It seemed like it had been forever since the four of them had been out on patrol and followed the purple dragon's black van. It was that particular night that Leo had been sick and ended up fainting.

The orange-masked ninja felt his face grow heavy.

He tried to see the bright side of this whole thing.

He was totally going to make up for it all and help his bro figure out what was going on!

Nothing like a bit of Mikey-therapy to make up for lost time.

Michelangelo turned his attention back to what he could see before him; the bad guy's truck and no sign of Leo.

It was weird that the purple dragons weren't totally chasing them for their property...

Didn't the bad guys usually want their stuff back...?

...Maybe they had just forgotten about it? After all most of those guys _were _pretty stupid...maybe even dumber than Raph!

Mikey chuckled.

Still grinning the orange-masked ninja wondering if Leo might have chosen this room as his super-stealthy hiding place to avoid everyone.

It _was_ the kind of boring place to spend all day with no video games to meditate.

Mikey cautiously opened the back of the black truck.

He smirked wondering if Leo had somehow thought that no one would come in here and look for him.

He had totally outsmarted his brother this time!

"BOO!" Mike shouted as he flung open the doors and stepped forward with his hands up above his head, fingers crooked like a ghost.

And then.... his jaw dropped.

The empty back of their enemy's truck was revealed to him, no Leo in sight.

_N__ot_ fair!

For the first time Mikey started to doubt if maybe Leo _was_ still hiding somewhere inside the lair.

Where else could his brother be hiding apart from going topside??

"_**Boo?**_"

Mikey let out a startled high-pitched scream.

It was like a horror movie as a creepy voice spoke lowly into his ear.

He whirled around in shock, his hands reaching for his nunchucks again as his body went into rigid fright, even with his tight ninja-like defence.

"No way" he gasped as his weapons dangled uselessly in his stiff sea-green hands.

Leo's arms were folded over his chest as he watched his younger brother looking very unimpressed.

The blue-masked ninja probably could have slit his throat by now if he were an enemy.

...

As Mikey stood gaping at him Leo gave Mikey one of _those _looks, the type of look that said 'you'd better have a good reason for coming in here and disturbing me Michelangelo Hamato'.

Mikey gulped, suddenly forgetting why exactly he was looking for his elder brother in the first place.

...Was it too late to go back, turn around and pretend he had never found him??

Aww _shell, _he knew there was a reason why he'd been putting off talking to his brothers!!

Leo's face wasn't exactly a welcoming one for a heart to heart chat...

Gaaahhhhh awkwardness... he couldn't do this!

"Mikey why are you here?"

The orange-masked ninja snapped out of his kind of frozen shock and automatically reverted back to what always worked best for him.

He gave his elder bro an innocent look, the one he used on their Sensei when he was caught doing something bad and was trying to worm his way out of punishment.

"No warm welcome for everybody's favourite turtle?" Mikey teased flinging his arms out ignoring the discomfort he felt under Leo's deep piercing eyes.

Was it just him or were they particularly intense today??

Leo expression stayed perfectly neutral.

Mikey silently swallowed around his thick tongue now _very_ aware of what he'd just gotten himself into.

"_Mikey_" Leo warned in his classic 'no-nonsense-leadership' voice.

Ok, so maybe cornering Raph _was_ actually a better idea than this right now...

Mikey dropped his arms nervously, wondering how long he was going to last until Leo kicked him out of his little hidey-hole.

"Sooo uhhh....hey Leo!" Mikey tried, pushing to keep his grin solid, "...Why do you think the purple dragons haven't like, demanded their truck back yet bro? I mean they wouldn't forget; they aren't _that_ stupid!!"

The orange ninja saw Leo narrow his eyes at him and Mikey knew that his babbling was getting him nowhere.

Maybe now _wasn't_ the best time to be reminding Leo about the bad guys who had almost knocked him unconscious in their last battle....

"Don checked it out a while ago" Leo answered now looking _very___unimpressed, "the truck didn't have anything in it. It was returning from the mission it was on. The purple dragons probably didn't think it was worth tracking or going after us".

Mikey wasn't really sure what else to say.

"Oh..."

Leo was staring at him evenly, his face a big warning sign to get the shell out of there.

Mikey put on a determined expression and pressed on.

This was _Leo_ for shell's sake; he could talk to Leo about _anything_.

Leonardo was the big brother who always supported everyone, would give his life for them; always tried his hardest even in the face of impossible odds...

The thought gave Mikey a boost of confidence to open his mouth again and reach out for his brother.

"Sooo uh..." he ventured fidgeting slightly, "... why have you been hanging out here so much lately dude? I mean there's not really much in here, no video games or anything!"

Leo turned his head away.

"Just thinking" the blue ninja replied shortly.

This wasn't exactly how Mikey pictured having a heart to heart with his dear-old big bro...

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Raph just wanted to forget about it.

He wanted to forget his stupid messed up _**ass**_ of a brother.

He didn't care that Casey was eventually he was going to ask why the red-masked ninja was suddenly spending so much time with him after months of spending almost _no time_ with him at all.

Raph stubbornly refused to admit that he was running away from his problems.

He _wasn't_; he was just angry and pissed off and couldn't deal with physco-analysing Leo's every fucking move and facial expression whenever they faced off at each other.

He was sick of these mind games.

Raph _gave _Leo something....something he had sworn not to give after his original thoughts of not wanting to deal with Leo's responsibility issues.

He tossed his head blatantly ignoring the feeling of a knife in his stomach and nails clawing his heart.

Raphael could handle it; he could deal with this shit later.

It was easy enough to forget with the right kind of drink and Casey as a companionable drinking partner.

It was late and dark out and he didn't care. There was nowhere important he had to be now anyway.

Somehow he could tell that tonight was the night Casey was going to ask what was going on between him and his family...

He didn't know why or _how_ he could tell, Raph just knew it with a sense of it lingering in the back of his head.

And as Casey had slipped out the window and up his ladder to the rooftops he turned to the turtle with a strangely serious yet curious look on his face.

"So things have been hanging a bit rough for ya at home, huh Raph?" the big man stated casually leaning against the side of a brick wall.

The wall ran adjacent to the cemented edging of his tall apartment block.

Raph sighed, hopping up onto the ledge to dangle his feet over the side, his shell to Casey.

He knew this was probably going to be short and unpleasant, especially if Casey had run things by April and wanted him to 'share his feelings' or some crap like that.

Casey had never really understood him.

Even now he still never really got why Raph had felt angry when Leo went away for training in Central America.

He heard Casey shift again behind him, the man clearly trying to order those crazy thoughts stored in his head into something at least half understandable.

"You and Leo fighting again?" the man guessed finally pushing off the wall and walking up to the ledge, standing behind it and placing his hands flat on the cold hard greyness.

Raph snorted, wishing Casey only knew the half of it.

At the same time Raphael was thankful that his best friend didn't know anything at all.

He had a rep to keep after all.

"That predictable, huh?"

Casey laughed wholeheartedly clapping him on the shell like it was a giant joke or something.

"Uhh yeah man! It's the only reason you ever come up here and start bitching to me! No one else drives ya crazy like Leo does"

It was more accurate than Casey would ever know Raph thought darkly, his red mask flaps swaying lightly in the breeze, temporarily blinding him with the red material.

"Yeah well things are different this time" he grunted roughly pushing the mask tails back behind his head.

The red ninja glanced behind him as he caught the look on the big man's face.

"And no I'm not going ta tell ya why they're different" he said as Casey opened his mouth to reply.

Casey grinning, putting up his hands defensively and shrugging.

"Whatever man, ya know me and April are always here to talk to if ya can't talk to anyone at home"

It was about as sweet and sentimental as his buddy got.

It probably would have been a big tender-manly-friendship moment if it wasn't for Raph's ninja senses kicking in at that exact moment.

The turtle eyes zoned out and immediately focused on some punk-kid who obviously thought he was a real tough guy for pointing a gun at an old trembling lady.

Casey blinked as Raph leapt off the ledge and hopped down onto the street, his teeth bared and his eyes trained on his target with his sais ready for action.

What was that, like a ninja thing or something?

"Geez buddy, next time give a guy some warning before jumping down like that!" he called as he jumped after the turtle.

The big guy would come to him when he was ready...In the meantime they had some butt to kick!!

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Mikey's brother was stubborn.

As the prankster of the house Mikey could also be stubborn when he wanted to be.

He wasn't going anywhere, no matter _how much_ Leo wanted to sink back into his own little world and avoid them all forever.

As far as Mikey's plan went he was going to stalk his elder bro and spring out to shock him into talking and admitting everything to him.

At first it seemed like the best plan ever.

The youngest turtle pictured it in his mind; Mikey therapy saving everything, eating pizza in celebration, Donnie throwing himself upon him, Raph and Leo going off and never fighting again....

But back in reality somehow things weren't exactly working out like that.

Mikey got the sinking feeling that he had purchased a video game that left him permanently stuck on the first level.

After several attempts of jumping out at his brother the only thing the orange ninja accomplished was getting on his brother's nerves.

Speaking of stalking his elder bro, Leo _just happened_ to be passing by his hiding spot....

Perfect timing.

He let out a heroic yell as he pushed off the roof in a haze of sewer dust, cobwebs and wet dirt, gracefully flipping over and jumping down in front of his silent brother.

Mikey surged forwards pushing Leo backwards onto a wall pinning him there.

"So do you wanna...I dunno...talk about something? ....you know, maybe something possibly to do with our family?" Mikey asked innocently blinking several times.

He was one _smooth_ turtle. Maybe he could have done like, therapy or something instead of his day job as Cowabunga Carl...

Of course "Dr. Hamato" failed to notice Leo closing his eyes sharply.

Leo clenched his fists.

"I don't know _what_ you're implying Mikey.... but whatever it is _don't_" the eldest finally snapped, trying to push back past his younger brother who was keeping him against the wall.

Leonardo was obviously sick of his little brother's games.

Mikey stood his ground defiantly.

Maybe he needed something more emotional to jump out at his bro...

"Leo I'm not stupid! ...Tell me what's up that's causing all this craziness lately; talk to me!"

The laugh was so sudden from the blue-masked ninja's drawn throat that Mikey blinked, startled out of his 'let's fix my bro' attitude.

Leo's words broke through Mikey's thoughts as he looked at his brother in shock.

"I appreciate the thought Mike...but _trust me._ You don't__want to get involved"

Not many things pissed Michelangelo Hamato off.

Really he was actually quite a calm turtle unless it was something concerning his video games or comics or food.

Leo laughing at him for being concerned was totally _not cool_!

"It _is_ my business Leo!" Mikey snapped, "In case you haven't noticed bro, you're not the only one who's hurting; _all of us_ _are_! The only reason I'm asking is because I wanna know what's up with our family at the moment; _family_ as in including all of us and _me_!"

Leo gave him a knowing look, the one that showed Mikey that the blue-masked ninja was just humouring his response as 'the innocent one'.

He hated when his brother's didn't take him seriously when he actually _was_ being serious!

Annoyance made Michelangelo's big mouth a dangerous weapon.

He couldn't seem to stop himself as the words just tumbled out.

"This is about you and Raph flirting isn't it?"

The thought had left his mouth before he'd even registered it.

...

Wasn't the plan to make Leo angry and reveal all of _his_ secrets, not blab out things of his own 'secret' knowledge? ...

Well at least it got a reaction out of the blue ninja...

Leo's jaw had fallen.

That didn't _always_ mean bad things were going to happen...

Just as quickly, the blue ninja's mouth snapped back up, his eyes narrowing dangerously.

Mike scrambled to think of something, loosening his grip on his brother so that he could move away from the wall.

...or not

"Mikey" Leo growled now looking truly annoyed for the first time.

There was a pause where Leo palmed his face in utter frustration.

He looked at Michelangelo as if he was an annoying bug under the heel of his foot.

Mikey knew there was no going back now.

"But you two _were_ totally flirting. You should have seen the weird dreamy expression on Raph's face-" Mikey insisted.

"We were _not_ flirting" Leo cut in looking frustrated at Mikey.

Leo pressed his knuckles into his temples as if trying to ward away a headache.

"You totally were flirting dude" Mikey maintained staring at him evenly searching for his answers.

"I was _not_!"

"You _so_ were! Remember when you and Raph were doing dishes that one night and-"

"-_Don't _Mikey!"

Leo's hands curled into tight fists at his sides.

The elder turtle turned his head away looking out to the side to avoid Mikey's bright blue eyes.

Mikey was more determined to get what he wanted, even if it meant he had to argue with his brother like he was Raph to get it.

Avoiding eye contact made it harder for Mikey to understand what was going on between his brothers and what Leo was feeling at the moment.....harder but not impossible.

"Just admit that you guys were flirting with each other!"

Even if it hurt Mikey was determined to persist if it meant that they could get over it in the future. He was only doing this to help his brother and his family...

Leo shook his head, frowning deeply as his face grew tenser.

"What the shell do you want me to say Mikey? There's nothing for me to tell you!"

Mikey looked at him with a 'you're going to have to do better than that' look.

He shook his head, not understanding.

"Why won't you just admit it Leo? I mean there's nothing _wrong_ with you guys flirting, I mean when you were in Central America..."

Mikey trailed off for a moment.

He jumped as Leo abruptly walked them backwards into a wall and thumped his fists either side of his head.

Leo's eyes locked intensely with his own as Mikey's eyes widened in utter surprise.

"How can you say there's nothing wrong with us, your two _brothers_, flirting like we're normal people??"

Mikey frowned as Leo seemed to teeter on something he was trying to push away from his mind.

"When you were in Central America me and Donnie flirted _all the time_." Mikey finally admitted quietly looking down, "Do you think it was easy for us to go through all that stuff and discover that there was something deeper between us while Raph was off being emo, Splinter was watching toons and you were gone in some jungle a thousand miles away?"

They both rose to the argument.

"It's different Mikey" Leo growled.

When Mikey didn't reply and simply looked at him Leo let out another frustrated sigh and let his fists unclench, his hands sliding softly down the wall to hang by his sides.

"You wouldn't understand..."

It was the first time his brother had sounded tender about the issue, so suddenly tender in fact that this time, Mikey voluntarily let his brother take a step back.

"Donnie told me there was something up between you and Raph..." Mikey said quietly watching carefully for his brother's reaction.

Leo's head snapped to face him.

"_What_?"

Mikey held his hands up taking a step back, ironic since he was the one who went out to jump and corner Leo in the first place.

"He wouldn't tell what that something _was _bro, he just said that I would have to ask you or Raph about it..."

Mikey tilted his head to the side, trying not to be annoying but knowing that it was the only way he was going to get a rise out of his usually controlled brother.

"There's nothing Mikey" Leo said, annoyance obviously starting to take a toll on him at the orange ninja's persistence.

It was good to know for the younger mutant that he would always be the turtle who could worm his way under his brother's skin if he wanted to.

The orange-masked ninja tried to look thoughtful.

"Well...you two _could _just be like, totally _normal brothers_....."

Mikey grinned as Leo's face went from very unimpressed to 'I'm going to smack you over the head if you speak another word'....

"_**Or**_, it could be that you two are totally in denial about everything that's happening to you! You guys _do_ fight a lot, maybe it's all just sexual tension! You guys _were _totally flirting a couple of weeks ago and Raph _was_ the one who totally pulled you out of your mondo-depression thing when your swords were broken–"

Mikey yelped as his mouth was covered.

"Just say another word Mikey" Leo said quietly into his ear.

Mikey scrambled out of his brothers hold and wrenched the hand away from his mouth.

He had obviously just touched a painful nerve.

Funnily enough he had never actually thought about what would happen when he got a rise out of his brother.

Still Mikey kept his innocent cool composure totally intact.

"Touchy subject Leo?" he asked lightly.

Leo glared at him.

It was like Leo was being cracked open once again, feelings he had sworn to keep away inside himself for his brother's sake trying to spill out like liquid on the floor, this time by a different brother.

Mikey was trying to fix him, kept trying to make him spill his guts and share the incidents that Raph and he (and even Splinter) had gotten themselves into.

Leo couldn't...not now.

The blue-masked ninja knew that he should apologize, take things into his own hands and set them right. It was his job, his place in the family as leader after all.

Things were all wrong, all completely wrong.

Confusion and regret were like chains pulling him into the shadows.

Leo just needed time to figure out what he was feeling and how he could compromise between what his head told him was right and what his heart desired and wished for.

Closing his eyes and clenching his teeth Leo hoped that his little brother was as forgiving as he had always seemed....

That he would forgive him for what he was about to reveal to him as Leonardo felt annoyance curling in his stomach again...

Mikey pounced on him the second Leo looked away in his moment of weakness.

"Why you can't just _talk to me_ about what's happening Leo?!?"

Leo didn't answer.

It was no good staying quiet around Michelangelo; the youngest had a way of worming info out of him whether he liked it or not.

Leo let out a soft growl.

"There's nothing-"

But Mikey wouldn't even let him finish his sentence, continuing on as if he couldn't hear his big brother.

"-Something's _obviously_ messing with your mind by holding it in dude"

"Mikey how could you possibly understand?" the blue-masked ninja finally asked, "I'm _supposed_ to be above all this; I'm _supposed_ to be looking out for all of you!"

Mikey stared at him still not quite understanding. It was definitely time for some Mikey-therapy to set things straight with his older bro!

"No one's expecting you to be perfect all the time bro" Mikey said, "we're _all_ crazy and whacked out because of growing up and stuff. Even if we don't agree with some of the things you do Leo doesn't mean we don't love you! ... We're family! ..."

Mikey caught his brother's shoulder and squeezed it firmly, leaving no room for doubt.

Leo's deep brown eyes looked at Mikey's contrasting blue.

Finally his mouth moved as something akin to shame lined his features.

Leo couldn't hold it in anymore, not when his brother was so persistent.

"I screwed up Mikey... Really bad"

Leo made it sound as if they expected him to never make mistakes.

Mikey almost rolled his eyes.

They never expected him to make mistakes because he never did.

"You never screw up Leo" Mikey said trying not to sound tired of their conversation going in circles.

Leo's eyes snapped open as he caught the exasperation in his little brother's tone.

Opps...his bad.

"I'm telling you Leo-"

"Mikey, _shut up_"

It probably should have been his warning sign that the only person Leo ever said shut up to was Raph, although Mikey never _had_ really been a precautious turtle...

_**Crack!**_

And for a moment he saw black as he felt a rush of air before contact.

His brother's fist lay heavily against the wall, inches from his head.

"_You don't understand_!" Leo finally yelled rounding on the younger turtle, "You don't even know what happened Michelangelo!"

There was a truly intimidating fire burning in the blue-masked ninja's eyes.

Leo's control was slipping as Mikey regained his breath.

"Let me guess, you couldn't perfect some new ninja-move?" the orange ninja teased, "You made Sensei's tea all wrong? You finally noticed that blue isn't your colour?"

"Mikey...."

"Yeah bro?"

...

..........

Utter silence as Leonardo at last spilled everything out to his younger brother.

"I fell in love with Raph" he hissed his eyes closing, "how exactly, is that not screwing up?!? I fell _**in**__**love**_ with my _own brother_, the sibling I have lived with for my entire life, my _rival_!"

...

Mikey fought to make his big mouth work again as he stood there with wide stunned eyes the teasing dying from his lips.

Suddenly he understood the 'something' that had been going on between them...

It was like a gear had just clicked into place into Mikey's mind.

The orange-masked ninja was breathless as he realised what was going on inside his big brother's 'fearless' head.

As the stunned feeling of shock slowly faded Michelangelo blinked.

"But that still doesn't explain why you're trying to keep all your emotions inside in the first place... why are you guys ignoring each other?"

"It doesn't concern you Mikey!" Leo snapped, "How can you expect me to just accept things with Raph?? How do you expect me to accept that this is all going to work out when I can't even control myself let alone a team of my brothers?!?"

Mikey heatedly rose to the challenge, speaking bluntly and undeniably from the heart.

It would have been a totally inspirational moment if they both weren't just spewing up bitter feelings they'd been suppressing.

"You think I don't understand bro? You think I didn't have thoughts about our team and all that stuff when me and Donnie hooked up? Master Splinter taught us,_ taught me_ to have compassion and faith and trust, not to bottle everything up inside like a _**turtle**_!!"

He took a ragged breath as he got those thoughts off his shell.

Leo's pants matched Mikey's shallow breaths.

Finally the blue-masked ninja chuckled bitterly as he looked at his little brother.

Leo just remembered something, something that he'd completely forgotten to tell his little brothers since he'd cut himself off from Raph.

The remembered fact strangely calmed the eldest turtle though it wasn't exactly comforting news he was about to reveal to his little brother.

"Mikey, Sensei told me that you and Don _didn't_ have a blessing from him and probably never will..."

Leo realised that he had missed a lot of Mikey growing up while he'd been away. Michelangelo had a mature determined look on his face even through the annoyance.

"... But he can see that it's not his decision to make anymore. He said you two are old enough to make your own decisions in life. He offered to give you a blind eye; that your relationship was your own decision as long as he didn't see or hear of it"

The pause only lasted for five seconds at the longest.

"Well you can tell Sensei that I don't accept his offer" Mikey said with a sense of finality looking down at his own hands for a second, remembering a time when Donnie would freely entwine them with his own, "Donnie's worth more to me than just a blind eye".

All the anger evaporated from Leo's face, replacing it with admiration, pain, disapproval and a hint of brotherly pride.

The blue-masked ninja stared as he felt the heavy sky-coloured eyes boring into him.

"_Mikey?_" Leo questioned catching the look on the orange ninja's face as he frown.

There was a pause as Mikey's mouth moved silently, someone pressing the rewind button on something Leo had said earlier...something big....

"WHAT??" the orange ninja shouted suddenly flailing his arms about wildly, "You're _in love_ with _Raph_?!

The youngest turtle's eyes widened as far as they could go.

"Raph as in big, grumpy, ugly Raphael who whacks me over the head all the time and steals my breakfast cereal and gives me major noogies whenever I play totally innocent pranks on him?? That Raph????? As in our brother _Raphael _who I thought you were only flirting with...Not...not..._in LOVE_ with!?"

Leo looked kind of exasperated under all his silence.

Mikey wanted to laugh....

It was strange to think of his two brothers together like that, _**very**_ strange...

...But then again chocolate and ham pizzas could also be considered strange and Mikey couldn't get enough of them.

"...I mean he's not my type, still...I didn't think Raph could be _anyone's_ type..." Mikey mused with a slightly sickened face at the mere thought of Raphael in _that_ way.

Leo made a strange face.

...made him look kind of constipated.

Mikey stifled a snort.

"Mikey..."

It looked like the words were clogged up in the blue-masked ninja's throat and Mikey immediately felt bad for laughing.

Leo took a deep breath.

"Master Splinter said-"

As much as Mikey loved and admired his Father there were just some things they were never going to see eye-to-eye on. This was definitely going to be one of those things.

"Who cares dude!? Aren't you even going to put up a fight or something for you guys?! You can't just accept it!"

The subtle tilt in his downcast head betrayed that Leo was having a hard time thinking exactly that.

His shoulders were tense as Mikey patted him gently.

"Well if you don't wanna talk, you know my shoulder's always there to cry on dude" Mikey said smiling lightly.

"I'm not crying" Leo stated bluntly looking up to prove his dry eyes, conveniently leaving out the fact that yes, he _had_ been crying only a week and a half ago in some random alleyway.

He still had _some_ dignity left.

"But after our mondo-deep-therapy session you should be" Mikey said half-joking, half-serious, "anyone else would have been in pieces by now...or not stupid enough to wind themselves into a situation like this in the first place"

Mikey sighed.

"And about Master Splinter bro, does it really matter if he doesn't approve? I mean it's totally our own decision to make. He respects you more than anyone; you could _make it_ work with Sensei...."

Leo looked down, his eye ridges creased together in thought.

Mikey stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the others shell for a second...strange how he knew that Donnie liked hugs, Raph was against them and that he simply didn't know what Leo preferred.

The expression made Mikey realise how long it had been since he'd simply hugged his eldest brother.

"I owe you one bro" Leo said quietly after a second as he accepted the contact.

And Mikey's eyes twinkled as an awesome thought occurred to him.

They had had to fight for everything they had ever gained before... maybe this was a sign that things were finally heading towards their happy ending...

Maybe Mikey-therapy did work after all!!

REVIEW!


	11. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love) and incest (or _**turtlecest**__)_. NC-17. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Authors Notes: As you've probably noticed I've reedited this entire story and replaced each chapter. The basic storyline and plot is still the same; I've just rewritten some parts so that it flows better and keeps the boys more in character. Sorry for the slow updates. I'm a very busy person DX

Enjoy!

As Casey looked up and out of the window he squinted, unable to find more than one or two visible stars twinkling in the darkened sky.

It was a fairly average night in New York City.

The stars were twinkling beneath the thick blanket of light pollution and the muggy thick smell of smog and cooking food drifted through the air. It was a warm night, a night typical of the thriving metropolis.

Usually on a night like this he would have been going about trying to impress April.

He wanted them to enjoy some quality time together. It was always hard between April's busy work schedule of collecting antiques and stuff for guys like Winters.

_Usually_ he would have been going around trying to impress April.

He couldn't at the moment when something else was weighing down on his usually empty mind.

Shifting his gaze from the blank unreadable sky to the streets below Casey found life.

Couples were walking arm-in-arm, young children holding toys and ice-creams and warm jumpers just in case it got cold later on when the smog floated away with the wind.

Casey always liked to see people enjoying themselves, the world at peace.

While tough on the outside the big man couldn't help but be a big sap when it came to the people he cared about.

It was probably why Raph and he got along so well.

Usually Casey wasn't one to worry, thought that things were usually meant to happen for a reason and all that mystic mumbo-jumbo.

He was a man of action, knew that fists generally did the job better than words with all the criminal punks out of the streets. Crime wasn't going to stop because someone asked nicely for the gangs to stop robbing and raping and killing.

"April, something's up with the guys"

He turned away from their window just as one of the little children fell over and started crying, clutching a small wound on their knee.

Casey hadn't spared any of the details in describing how Raph had been the other night, not wanting help, jumping into action without waiting for him, definitely distracted by something..._Leo_, they both knew.

Something was up with the turtles.

The man started pacing, his big arms swinging around wildly in thought.

April's green eyes reflected his in worry.

Her lover only got worried when something big was up, even if he didn't specifically know what that something big _was_.

Casey pacing caused a sense of distress around their entire apartment.

"I just dunno what's up with them!" the man finally exclaimed turning to her as if she might have some answers to sooth his confusion.

She looked back at him just as helplessly.

April was as concerned and clueless and worried about what they could do to help the mutant family as he was....she just had better control of her flailing limbs, patience and temper.

"I know Casey" she said, "But what can we do about it? You _know_ they would come to us if they needed our help"

The woman sighed as Casey got his big lovable frustrated-helpless look on his face.

She couldn't bear that look.

The Casey Jones she knew never gave up, wanted to help out his best buds no matter what.

They both knew that he hated it when all he could do was stand back and do nothing as _something_ rocked the turtle family.

April reached out as Casey paced by her and caught his hand drawing him out of his strides and whatever thoughts that were threatening to overwhelm him.

She chose her words carefully, phrasing them so that Casey got the clear meaning as a sad thought occurred to her.

Her eyes caught the reflection of a car passing by their window.

She slowly stepped over to it, tugging Casey along by his hand and saw the couples and families out on the warm New York City night.

She turned to him, letting go of his hands and placing hers on his broad chest. He immediately drew his arms lightly around her as they talked.

"I'm not saying that it's Master Splinter's fault..." April started slowly.

Casey looked at her with a rare concentrated and serious expression.

He absorbed her thoughts for once instead of it sailing over his head like what usually happened when her and Donatello worked together.

Casey was really trying hard for the sake of their friends; that was something that April admired above all.

"....the guys don't have things the way we do Casey" she tried explaining, unsure how to phrase her exact thoughts properly, ".... Splinter did the best he could considering the circumstances but...."

She thought back to the last time she had actually seen the turtles, it had been a long time...not since Casey had been hurt out on the streets and dragged back to get himself fixed up by Raph and Leo.

She also saw the little children reflected in the reflection of the square apartment building window.

Casey's worried face brought her back as he spoke.

"April, what are ya saying?"

....

"Casey, the turtles...."

April turned sad eyes to the man she had fallen in love with.

She slowly turned to the window and looked out at all the young children holding their parents hands and hugging teddy bears and laughing and eating sweets.

"They grew up too fast..." she whispered slowly touching her hand to the glass of the window, her breath condensing on the cold glazed surface.

And by Casey's silence she knew that he agreed.

80808080808

The staircase of their home in itself wasn't very big.

There were only about 15 steps to walk up or down and the unremarkable grey stone was just like the rest of their flooring in their underground home.

Walking down the staircase he saw the small flakes of polished wood, the number of grey stone steps they had from the top to bottom stories of their home, he saw the small cement cracks between stones and saw the poles that held up the wooden railings and the slight rust that was forming on the metal from moisture and air.

Leonardo only noticed the little things when the big, important things threatened to overwhelm his life.

He walked down the staircase seeing everything, all of it suddenly very surreal to his wide and open eyes.

His 'talk' with Mikey was conflicting...but overall made him realise one thing.

Running away wasn't fixing anything.

It wasn't going to mend the gaps that had appeared between him and Raph, it wasn't going to make Mikey any happier, it wasn't going to make Don stop overworking and it wasn't going to somehow pass as an explanation of his actions to their Sensei.

Running away was putting off the inevitable, all running did was make it harder to face the truth and heal their families wounds.

As the blue-masked ninja walked down the staircase he knew was that he had to get everything in the open with Splinter.

He had to tell Splinter about Donnie and Mike, he had to get his feelings about this whole thing, _about Raph_, into the open, he had to get the point across that he still loved and respected his Father but disagreed on him in regards to his stance on their relationships.

There was this horrible feeling inside Leo about his most distant brother at the moment.

He wasn't ready to face Raph...not yet.

If he faced Raph now it would probably just end in another fight and that was the last thing any of them needed.

They needed a bit of a time out, some fresh air outside of the stuffy lair....like an overdue training run or something....

He blinked as the staircase ended.

Leo stepped off it and looked back as the tarnished wood, stones and all.

He had made it down the staircase.

At the end of day he would survive this.

No matter how bad things got he was still going to be there in the lair with his brother's as a family...a strange screwed up family but a family none the less.

He silently slipped towards their Sensei's room, avoiding Mikey snoring on the couch in front of some noisy superhero cartoon.

Was it just Leo or did Mikey live on the couch? Every time he saw the youngest turtle he seemed to be on there.

...

Leonardo heard two sets of voices in the room as he approached, one the unmistakable sound of his Father and the other was the low growling of Raph.

It came as a slight shock; he'd gotten confident that he was the only one who ever confided or got told off by Splinter.

There was an unexplainable sinking feeling in his stomach as his steps hesitated to a halt.

He was sensing that something bad was about to happen.

Leo trusted his instincts as the foreboding feeling built up in his stomach as he approached his Sensei's door.

"Are you sure about this, my son?" he heard the whisper of.

As he snuck closer the blue-masked ninja realised that Splinter was using his 'wise' voice.

He could hear his sensei and Raph talking.....had a bad feeling, something wasn't right...

Their master only used that particular voice when someone was making a big decision about something.

"You must consider the effects this will have on your brothers _and_ this family as well as what a journey such as this may do to _you_"

Leo took a surprised step backwards.

His throat was suddenly thick and constricted as he tried to swallow.

His thoughts scattering like a bowl of dropped marbles, spiralling out in all directions as he struggled to contain them.

_...Journey?_

Leo tried to stay composed.

_What journey?_

His hands twitched, starting to shake as Raph spoke again.

"I know Sensei..."

Raph's gruff voice was low meaning Leo only just caught it as he pressed his head quietly to the door.

"...but somehow I know I gotta do this"

There was a pause where Leo could practically imagine their Sensei nodding his head or looking at Raph with encouraging eyes.

It only made him more anxious.

The sinking feeling told him that somehow it was linked back to him; _everything_ that his red-masked brother was going through was _always_ somehow linked back to him.

"As you wish my son..."

Leonardo could have hid, could have moved out of the way and slid into the shadows.

He could have even flipped back up the stairs and pretended to be casually walking towards Splinter as if he had never heard anything at all.

Raph quietly exited their Sensei's room and slid the door shut.

The red-masked ninja looked up and then froze.

Leo couldn't do anything but stare at his brother, the brother that he had always danced on a thin line of hate and affection with.

There was a long pause before Raph growled, anger sparking in his amber eyes.

"Can't mind ya own fucking business for once _fearless_?"

The blue-masked ninja ignored the title.

He ignored it the sharp spike of resentment.

Sometimes his brothers used fearless as an endearment.

Leo had never liked it and Raph _definitely_ was not using it as an endearment.

"You're leaving"

He said it quietly, stating the fact for what it was.

There was no point avoiding the issue when ignoring it would only make things worse.

Leo tried to swallow; his throat was threatening to close up permanently.

"I got _nothin_ to say to ya!"

Raph made no move to step away from the impending fight and Leo wasn't looking to argue even at his brother's provocative stance.

"...I know" the blue-masked ninja managed.

Somehow his lack of response and fight seemed to piss Raphael off even more. It was one of those situations where the damage had already been done and there was just no way he could do or say anything that wouldn't anger his brother further.

"You're a bastard, ya know that?? Got nothin' ta say to me now huh?"

And Leo really _didn't_ have anything to say, not now, not like this.

A simple apology would do nothing.

It was a sick replay of the time he had returned from Central America.

Raph took a step closer and Leo took a step back consequently putting his shell to the wall.

"I hope ya happy Leo" Raphael said into the side of his beak before stepping away, "I hope ya got what ya wanted out of this...out of me"

And then he stalked off, their conversation abruptly finished before it had even really started.

And Leo could do nothing but watch him leave, wondering if what he was feeling now was how they all felt when he left; emptiness.

8080808

The morning was the same as the night before.

The empty spot inside of Leo made him feel hollow, out of sync; like his hands had been attached wrongly to his body and that the mask he was wearing wasn't his.

Their sensei summoned them all to the dojo to kneel in front of him.

Leo knew exactly what was coming as Mikey looked bored and Donnie looked exhausted and curious.

Raph sat there unusually silent, refusing to look at any of them... _especially_ him.

Leo vaguely recognised the look on their master's face. It was the same one he had worn at the announcement that he was going to Central America for training.

Leo kept his head down and looked at his knees as the old rat cleared his throat in front of him.

He heard snatches of a lecture about the bonds of family.

It was one they had heard before and one that had never been truer, one that he would have benefited from listening to if he had been able to actually lift his head.

As Splinter finished his speech he cleared his throat and turned to Raphael who was sitting furthest to the right of him and next to Donatello.

His tail flicked gently, ignored by everyone except Leo.

"...And now my sons, I believe Raphael has an announcement to share with you all"

Raph hunched over slightly as all eyes swivelled to him, most avidly Mikey and Don's.

Splinter glanced at Leo as he avoided the rat's gaze.

Splinter raised slightly furred eyebrows but said nothing with a gaze that was barely approving.

Leo swallowed thickly.

His talk to their Master had kind of been put off by Raph's decision.

Splinter was not happy with him and at the moment there was nothing he could do to stop it, not until he could breathe again and actually speak with the old rat.

"Guys..." Raph struggled for a second and Leo knew that he wasn't part of that collective address to their family.

For a moment the eldest brother understood Raph's struggles.

He was doing exactly what he had blamed Leo of doing when he'd gone away.

Raph was abandoning them.

"I...I'm going away for a while" the red-masked ninja managed finally clenching his fists as if angry even with himself.

Leo had hid his shock well, being practised at concealment.

It was obvious that _Mikey _had never been any good at suppressing _anything_.

...

"...._What?_?"

For the first time Leo saw Raph look regretful as Mikey's blue eyes flashed in an explosion of shock and disbelief.

"B...but _**why**_ dude? W.._where_ are you going?"

Mikey already looked upset, clearly remembering back to the time only recently when they had had only 3 turtles and not liking it at all.

Raph coughed before clearing his voice, obviously trying to conceal the threatening crack in his tough demeanour.

"I'll just be around...ya know going places, seeing things outside of the big apple"

Mikey pouted his eyes already watery as he thought of the absence it would cause.

"B...But _why?_ I'm sorry I messed up your room and I won't be annoying anymore and I'll do all your chores and I-"

Raph glared at the blue-masked ninja out of the corner of his eye as if he had prompted Mikey into speaking.

"-_Mikey_"

Raph cut the orange-masked ninja off looking pained.

"It ain't got nothin' ta do with you, you're da best little bro a turtle could ask for...I just gotta sort some things through..."

Leo refused to look up knowing that it was _his_ **things** that were driving Raph away.

Raph made it easier for both of them by refusing to even glance over to Leo's side of the room where he was kneeling.

".....when are you leaving?" Mikey finally asked looking scared.

And Mikey couldn't hold in the waterworks any longer when Raph answered.

"Tonight"

Mikey's look went from scared, to petrified.

8080808080

Michelangelo Hamato was putting on a brave face.

Raph could tell.

Mikey always put on his brave face when something was upsetting him or when he wanted to cry.

At the present moment it just wasn't the right time for tears.

The tight lines around his smile gave away that the smallest turtle was holding it in for later.

It hurt to see his little brother like that _because_ of him.

The red-masked ninja had always been very protective of the youngest turtle, couldn't stand to see him hurt or not smiling or teasing him like a laughing maniac.

There was something about Mikey that needed to be preserved, the little sun he brought into their otherwise underground lives. Mikey was his best friend and even though he sometimes...(_all the time)_...got on his nerves he couldn't help but want to stay just for the sake of his little brother.

Raph turned slightly.

While Mikey put on his brave face Donnie looked worried and sad.

The purple-masked ninja's eyes were of course trained on him, trying to analyse every move Raph made from simply packing up the small amount of stuff he was taking with him to quietly talking to Splinter before they gathered together to say goodbye.

At least this time Donnie wouldn't have to be the replacement leader.

...And speaking of _leaders_...

Fucking fearless, standing behind their two brothers' silently.

Something, something thick and twisted inside of him was pulled to the sight but he ignored it, ignored him...his fault in the first place...

It frustrated him that no matter how confused and angry he was at the moment he still felt attraction to his brother even when Leo was standing silent and masked up and obviously silently licking the wounds he had inflicted upon them both.

_Damn..._

Raph had never thought it would be this hard to go away...hadn't even thought about what Leo might have been feeling when he'd gone off to Central America.

_That_ trip hadn't even been his decision.

Now he was having second thoughts when he'd been the one to ask for the journey.

Pathetic.

"...Don't get inta trouble while I'm gone....and if I come back ta pranks in my room..." his joking threat made Mikey let out a shaky laugh and wrap his arms around him tightly for a quick hug.

It was fitting that his goodbye to Mikey was in the form of a weak joke.

He pulled away quickly knowing the longer they held on the harder it would be to pull apart.

In a way Raph was pleased that he was getting this kind of goodbye.

Kind of humbling to realise how much his family would miss him...

He slung his arm over Donatello's shoulder and gave him a half-hug as Donnie also tried to keep himself together.

"Don't work too hard brainiac" he said smirking at him affectionately, "Mikey'll break the kettle eventually and then coffee'll be out"

"_Hey!_"

Donnie chuckled weakly as they both good-heartedly ignored Mikey and pulled away.

He looked up and his eyes locked with Leo's.

Leo's were blank, waiting behind his ever-present infuriatingly preserved mask.

Well didn't that just piss him off.

He snorted and turned to their Master.

Splinter's eyes were concerned as his tail flicked gently behind him.

"Take care my son" he said as they bowed lowly to each other, "what you are looking for must first start with the step of acknowledging there is something missing"

Splinter caught his gaze.

"And you are already on that journey to self discovery"

Raph straightened and nodded his head again to their Father.

"Thanks sensei"

He picked up the small bag of stuff he was taking; nothing fancy just the basic stuff, and slowly started to walk forwards.

Just one step after another, steps towards the door of their home and up topside.

He was glad that no one called him back and no one made a sound as he walked away.

He would be back; there was no keeping him away from his real home.

He just needed the time to get a grasp on things and figure out how he felt.... and what everything meant to him.

Hothead or not, Raph was going to think his actions through properly this time.

REVIEW!


	12. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own TMNT and all rights go to the original creators.

Warnings: Contains slash/yaoi (BOYxBOY love) and incest (or _**turtlecest**__)_. NC-17. Please do NOT read or comment if these things offend you. Don't like? Don't read! Flamers will be ignored and laughed at.

Enjoy!

* * *

Two months.

...Or as Mikey counted it 61 days... 1464 hours... 87840 minutes... 5270400 _seconds_ since him and his brothers had last seen Raphael Hamato.

They seldom used calendars in their household and watches and clocks for that matter.

In fact Donnie was the only one who occasionally donned those kinds of timing devices and even that was only because he adored the techno gear involved with it.

As Mikey sat in the kitchen for long hours cooking or stuffing his face he began to feel the insatiable itch to constantly check how much longer it would be until Raph returned to their family.

The calendar became the most important item they owned in the young turtle's eyes.

Mikey shivered lightly, so small it was almost unnoticeable.

The impression of sinking very slowly into a toxic mud puddle was very real in his mind as he eyed the hanging pages.

To the youngest turtle their current point in time felt _exactly_ like when Leo had been away, to the point where it was scary.

Back then he got up later and got bored earlier... just like he was starting to do now.

When Leo was gone he missed the security of his eldest brother and the happiness that seemed to be sapped from each of his remaining brothers.

...Granted it was time when he and Donnie had gotten together...but it still wasn't the same.

Now there was a hole in his daily timetable that in the past was filled with teasing and taunting Raph.

With Raph gone Mikey had no one to joke around with, no one less serious to talk to, no one else who would put up with his general tomfoolery for hours on end...and most importantly no one to help him back up with a joke or a quip about his lack of intelligence...

And this time he didn't even have exciting new feelings with Donnie to pick him back up and make things bearable again.

Everyone always told him that he, Michelangelo was the brightness, the shining sun bringing joy and happiness into their family.

Mike knew that it was only true when their family was together and whole.

He could only work his magic when his family _wanted_ to be happy.

Mikey looked back at the calendar in hope, rechecking and making sure he had marked in the right number of days.

Just as he had circled the date Leo was to return from Central America the orange-masked ninja, ever the optimist, had circled the date Raph was to walk back in the door and back into their lives.

He grinned proudly.

Mike was counting down the time with large red X's not caring that it had only brought heartache when he had done the same for Leo and Leo had not returned when expected.

Unlike Leonardo on his trip to the jungle the red-masked ninja had warned that he probably wouldn't write much, if he wrote at all.

Raph was definitely keeping true to that promise.

The only thing their family had received so far was one small letter sent to them (courtesy of April and Casey) which had consisted of a scrawled page of writing saying nothing personal to any of them, just that Raph was alive and that the journey was working well for him....or something of that nature.

Mikey had to stare cross-eyed at the thing just to decipher Raph's totally messy handwriting.

Despite the illegibility Mikey had eagerly pinned it to the fridge as the obvious gap Raph had left in their family life began to settle in, reflected most clearly in his bright blue eyes.

It had only been about two months.

Two months without his older brother's gruff voice and fiery eyes and firm hand slapping him over the head or helping him back on his feet when he fell...

.... The time felt like forever to the youngest turtle.

The 'yang' to his 'yin' was missing.

Mikey felt like the fun and happiness in his life had been torn in half.

Mikey glanced up as Leo walked into the kitchen to quietly brew some tea.

He managed a smile then, if only for his brother's sake.

At least he wasn't alone in dealing with this.

To lose his best friend and brother was hard....

Leo's eyes met his in understanding as Mike's smile faltered.

...losing a lover was harder.

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"Was this what it was like when I was gone?" Leo asked quietly one evening as Mikey and he looked out over New York City.

A gentle breeze swept past tickling their mask bands.

They had both decided that some fresh air and some time away from the confined lair were needed.

Michelangelo had tentatively asked Donatello if he wanted to join them.

He got nothing but the back of Don's preoccupied shell and shooed away as if he was an annoying bug that needed to be swatted.

In a way Mikey was glad Don had said no to his offer.

Mike hadn't really _properly_ spoken to Leo alone for a long time now.

...On the other hand Mikey just didn't understand why Donnie was acting the way he was.

It seemed like no matter what they did and no matter how many problems they overcame as a pair there was always something else that came up and ruined everything, something that stopped them moving forwards.

Mike shook his head returning to what Leo had just asked.

The orange-masked ninja was tempted to say it was worse when Leo was gone, that things had truly fallen apart without their fearless leader to guide them.

...But he knew in his heart that it wasn't true.

It was horrible having either of his brothers gone.

While Leo was away it was just...different, not really any worse or better.

With Raph discovering the big open world there were less arguments, no Nightwatchers and no sneaking out at night and sleeping in all day.

There were less yells and it was slightly quieter...although not much because Mikey had tried to make it his mission to spend time with them and replace Raph's hole with more jokes and more movie time.

Surprisingly enough this time Master Splinter hadn't even banned them from going topside and fighting.

Mikey knew it was only because Leo was slowly cutting back their patrols until they rarely went out on missions at all (_obviously_ they were not strong unless they had their entire team ready for action)...but in reality Mike didn't really mind.

If they patrolled or didn't patrol didn't make the slightest difference in how fast Raph made it back home.

The only thing the orange-masked ninja particularly missed was the fresh nightly air.

"There was the same kind of feeling around when you were away dude" Mikey said finally, "It was like when you have your favourite breakfast cereal but no milk to eat it with. Just the same. No fun anymore."

Leo snorted softly at the comparison.

...

Neither of them tried to fight it as naturally they found themselves tangled in each other's arms, looking out over the city with the sides of their heads pressed together.

The wind blew gently ruffling their mask tails again.

They were silent in the noisy dark city.

...

"This is my fault" Leo said quietly breaking the stretching silence.

The blue-masked ninja sighed, burying his face into his neck.

For a moment Mikey thought he might have been crying...

But no, Leo looked up without even a hint of wetness on his face.

'_Of course..._' Mikey thought a tad bitterly, '_big brothers never cry_'.

He sighed, echoing Leo.

Mike knew better than to deny everything and say it wasn't his bro's fault, Leo would just become stubborn and chew him out if he did.

"You don't know that something else wouldn't have set old Raphie-boy off and made him leave" Mikey said stubbornly, "If it wasn't whatever you did to him it could have been me finally driving him insane or Donnie or Casey or April or even Master Splinter telling him off for being too reckless!"

"But I was leader and Raph-"

"Who made the rules that you _can't_ be a good leader and brother at the same time?" he challenged.

Leo shook his head and Mikey's eyes flashed like blue steel.

Some hurt part of him was aching for a fight even though venting his painful feelings onto Leo wasn't going to help anyone.

"I'm serious dude! Every time you don't think about it and just act naturally you're the best turtle ever, leader and bro combined!"

Leo frowned but Mikey continued anyway.

His stupid bro needed to hear this.

"Like dude, when we were watching toons yesterday! You were being a great bro by being there with me _**and**_ being a great leader by not letting me wallow in my room all day, keeping me strong for the team!"

Mikey took another deep breath.

"So yeah this time it was you that drove him away but you don't know anything about what _could_ have happened if you didn't. You don't know what would have happened if I pushed him a little too far with a prank or if Don stuffed up his shell cycle or if Casey punched him a little too hard or if April was a little too nosey and caring or if Master Splinter chewed him out a little too harshly! So just shut up already and stop feeling guilty bro! You don't always have to separate yourself into being our leader or being our brother!"

...

Leo sounded confused.

"I'm the best turtle, when I act natural?"

God, sometimes his brothers missed the most basic things about themselves...it was almost funny.

Mike grinned suddenly amused by his bro and snuggled back into him.

"You got it bro!"

Leo mulled it over, with a slight smile.

He didn't quite believe it ...but maybe there was some truth in what Mikey was saying...

...

Was it possible for him to be a brother and a leader...

...._and a lover...?_

He looked down at the top of his little brother's head.

It made Leo sad that he could feel an invisible weight pressing down on the orange-masked ninja's shell, just like the one pressing down on his.

"You're going to have to talk to Don eventually Mike" Leo breathed as Mikey nuzzled his neck like a sad puppy.

"I know bro" Mikey murmured, "Just like you'll talk with Raphie-boy when he gets back"

Leo grimaced and tightened his hold on his brother, not really wanting to imagine what was going to happen when _that_ particular moment arrived.

The two brothers sat on the rooftop until the horizon began to lighten.

When they travelled back to the lair it was empty, but just like the coming of the new day they were both more light-hearted than either of them had been in a while.

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Leo had avoided it long enough, thought about it and meditated long and hard.

It was time to talk with Master Splinter and to come to an understanding between them.

He wasn't running anymore.

He quietly knocked on the wooden panes of their Master's sliding door before walking in quietly, falling to his knees.

His head bowed in respect as the old rat came to stand in front of him.

"You are kneeling before me Leonardo ....but are you as calm as you seem today my son? Enough to show me that we will not end in direct conflict as our past talks have?"

Leonardo nodded, this time knowing he was whole-heartedly ready to tackle this issue between them once and for all.

"Sensei, I can't apologize for some of the things I said.... but I do wish to explain my actions and apologize for my disrespect towards you..."

Splinter nodded, also calmer today.

He had _also_ done some thinking.

He also knew that it was time to finally unclog the unruly log that blocked their river.

"You must understand that I still stand by my decision in regards to Raphael"

Splinter's eyes were unwavering.

Leo smiled without humour.

"...But perhaps I was also rash and hurtful my son."

Splinter sounded apologetic but not unfirm in his voice, something only a true master and sensei could achieve.

"Then you must also understand Sensei, why I am going to go against your wishes and why Don and Mikey will not settle for a blind eye" Leo countered calmly, his hands twitching briefly.

He kept his head bowed as Splinter frowned.

Leo tried to show that his actions were not just defiance because he was simply trying to disobey Splinter's word.

"Perhaps it is _destiny_ that we come to this day where neither son nor father can see eye-to-eye" Splinter murmured moving and lighting candles around them, "I cannot accept this happening within our family yet you four boys cannot seem to be without each other...a hard situation indeed".

He stroked his furry beard slowly and gently with his clawed hand.

"We both have had time to think this matter through" Splinter said softly, snuffing the match he was holding with the leathery pads of his fingers, "yet a solution has not been reached"

"Time will not change such feelings sensei" Leonardo said quietly looking up at the old rat, meeting his eyes directly.

Although he didn't voice it aloud Leo had never really believed time was going to change anything...not now, not after all they had been through together.

"You do not know what the future holds for you my son" Splinter said looking at him sharply as he was drawn from his thoughts.

There was something strangely intimidating about how they could both be so sharp with each other yet never raised their voices or made any rude gestures ....as Raph would have.

"I'm not predicting the future, I'm telling you that I know my brothers well enough that this will not fade"

For the first time since he'd stepped into his father's room the blue-masked ninja saw his father's tail flicking back and forth.

"Better than you think I know them and yourself Leonardo?"

Leo shook his head.

He would never understand why Donnie loved logic and debating so much.

He found himself caught in an eternal match with their master.

"You've known us during times we can't even remember Sensei. My only point is that I know these relationships will not fade over time because they are held together by more than just empty words, they are strong with love"

"And brotherly love is not enough?" Splinter countered, "You will split off into pairs and never look back, take apart bonds of family intimacy?"

Leo's expression didn't change or flicker, not even for a moment.

...

"You have that much doubt in us Sensei?"

Splinter took a step back.

The old rat sighed.

He then kneeled in front of Leonardo.

"...No, my son" Splinter said finally, "but you must understand... Would you not almost feel some.... _distaste_, if the four turtles you raised, your own sons suddenly wished to pursue each other. Would you be so accepting if your own children were to turn to you and ask to have such a personal relationship?"

Leo raised his eyes.

Shiny coal black and deep chestnut brown clashed.

"I would at least hear them out" Leo said roughly, "let them explain their reasons, give them a chance..."

They stared at each other as the candle glow slowly warmed the room and scented the air.

"I am your Master" Splinter finally said.

An odd look came over Leo's face.

"I am your son Sensei" the blue-masked ninja said, "And I will not give up on Raphael"

Splinter's mouth pressed into a thin line.

"Do you love him as more than a brother my son?"

...

Leo couldn't lie.

"Yes, Sensei"

Leo bowed as low as he could while still on his knees.

"In time you'll see that Don and Mike will not give up on each other either father, I'm not the only son you need to convince."

Leo then stood up, plastron out and eyes even with his father's.

"I am sorry I said some disrespectful things to you in the past"

Splinter frowned sadly at him.

"You are the leader" he pointed out, "can you be both a brother and one in such a partnership?"

Leo didn't answer.

"I may be leader" Leo said as he turned around giving the old rat a meaningful look, "But I think there's someone else who you need to speak to before making this decision".

Splinter's previous question was left hanging in the air.

The rat silently flicked his tail as Michelangelo stepped around the corner with his head bowed but his eyes wide open and determined.

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Leo left the room quietly.

Just before Mikey entered their Master's sanctuary Leo discreetly touched his little brother's arm.

There was a hint of pride in the action; immediately Mikey straightened as the confident turtle he should have been.

Mikey had his serious face on.

The blue steel was back in his eyes, he looked ready to fight an entire army, he looked strong.

Leo knew where he now needed to be now.

He knocked on Donatello's door with a firm fist not expecting a reply and not needing one.

The blue-masked ninja pushed the door open uninvited.

"Donnie?"

Leo heard a frustrated sigh and the rapid clicking of a computer keyboard before he glimpsed upon a stressed-out looking Donatello.

Leo was needed here now, was needed by his brother to snap him out of his over-the-top working.

The purple-masked ninja was hunched over and in obvious need of a break from whatever he was fiddling with.

"What is it Leo?" came the impatient remark.

Donatello wasn't snapping at him exactly... it was a curt statement from a turtle that had had too much coffee and not enough sleep.

Leo's eyes quickly noted his brother's posture and the sadness in his tired eyes.

Donnie was usually adeptly skilled in hiding his innermost feelings.

It seemed like this time it was just too much for Don to handle all by himself even with all the machines and inventions he surrounded himself with.

"Want to talk?" the blue-masked ninja asked quietly ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach.

He would have to tread carefully around his brother today.

Sure enough, the purple-masked ninja's shoulders tensed as if just accused of something ridiculously horrible.

"What makes you think I need to talk about _anything_ Leo?"

Leo mentally braced himself knowing he had just triggered defensive-Donnie mode.

Now his brother would be difficult and stubborn to talk to...just like a certain hothead sometimes was.

"You've barely spoken to Mikey, Sensei or me since Raph left" Leo said over the buzz of the electronic appliances in Don's room, "You're not as good at concealing things as you think Don".

Don's fist clenched on his keyboard.

"I'm not concealing anything Leo" Don said through what sounded like clenched teeth.

Leo paused and then stepped closer shutting the door behind him softly, realising he was still standing in the doorway.

"Are you saying that Raph's absence hasn't affected you at all? That this is normal behaviour for you?" Leo questioned raising an eye-ridge as he walked into the room quietly.

Donatello didn't reply and unclenched his fist.

Leo's eyes narrowed as abruptly Don turned to continue typing away at his keyboard.

He walked up to his younger brother refusing to be ignored, refusing to let defensive-Don win.

In one hasty move he swivelled Donnie around and kicked his chair away from the computer screen so that his fingers were wrenched from the keys.

"_**Leo!!**_" Don snarled rounding on him and springing up from his chair so that they were plastron to plastron, "What the _**shell**_ do you want?!"

Donnie stepped away, his voice rising in pitch and volume.

"Of course I miss Raph! He's my brother for god's sake! _BUT_ unlike you and Mikey I'm not going to sit here and _waste away_ and stop working just because he's gone for a year!"

Don took a harsh breath.

"I've got constructive things to get done; I have something outside of Raphael to dwell on! My life doesn't end just because one of our brothers is temporarily missing!"

Don's defensiveness reappeared briefly as he finished.

"I've already been through this once Leo. I don't need to talk about it anymore"

...

"... And what about Mikey?" Leo asked quietly, his mouth pressing into a thin line and his eyes creasing in hushed annoyance.

...

"What _about_ Mikey?" Don questioned still silently seething as his hurt seeped out.

There was a rare hint of confusion in his voice.

Leo managed a rare cold forced smile.

Oh, he loved it when his brothers acted so _caring_ about one another.

"While Mikey and I are _'wasting away'_" Leo stated in his quiet deadly voice,_ "_You know what else is happening at the moment apart from your brilliant work?"

"What?" Don asked sarcastically crossing his arms and obviously resisting the urge to roll his stormy grey eyes.

"Mikey is in Master Splinter's room _right now_ defending _your_ relationship all by himself because you've been so wrapped up in your own 'important' and 'constructive' life...obviously _not_ sulking like a child"

...

Leo prompted him again as Donatello's expression shifted and then went blank.

"Don, Mike needs you"

Leo paused looking down.

"Don't make the same mistakes I did and deny what you know is there..."

Leo pulled his beak tight.

"Mikey _loves_ you Don"

...

Before Leo could even blink Don was out the door.

Leo tilted his head in slight wonder at their short conversation as he quickly mulled it over in his mind.

If only things had been that simple for Raph and him...

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Leo didn't ask Michelangelo or Donatello about their conversation with Master Splinter after they stepped out of his room.

And just the same Leo didn't ask Master Splinter about his conversation with Mikey or Don.

The only thing Leo witnessed was his brothers leaving their Master at same time with identical glints in their eyes.

The blue-masked ninja caught Mikey's eyes when he passed by as Don retreated back to his lab.

Mike let out the smallest shake of his head.

And then Leo nodded solemnly, knowing what had happened, knowing that the inevitable had now come.

It was a fact; Mikey and Don hadn't been able to get more than a blind eye from Master Splinter.

Later on, when Mikey obviously thought the rest of them were asleep Leo heard light sniffles coming from his little brother's bedroom.

The blue-masked ninja crept in and watched as the youngest turtle's body convulsed with concealed sobs.

He touched the orange-masked ninjas shoulder and immediately the strong, athletic, 'happy' turtle collapsed into his arms.

Leo sighed sadly holding his brother close.

When had the powerful teenage mutant ninja turtles been reduced to this?

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Mikey was suffering slowly as more and more time passed with Raphael still gone.

Leo could see it, could tell by the diminishing number of smiles and the way Mike followed him around, trying to sort out _his_ issues while ignoring his own, just as Mikey always did.

Leo could feel an unpleasant unrest stirring in the atmosphere.

It wasn't the fact that Mike and he were getting closer that concerned him nor the fact that Mikey was desperately missing Raph ...or even that him and Mikey had so many issues to talk out.

It was the fact that Leo realised that even with Raph back Mikey would still feel emptiness.

It seemed as though Donatello had shut himself off except to work, eat and sleep.

Firstly Leo thought that Donnie might just snap himself out of it (although deep down Leo already knew it wasn't going to happen) and now...it was his job big brother to fix it, like always.

The blue-masked ninja's problem was that no matter what he said Donnie didn't _want_ to be fixed.

Even if Leo tried his hardest to get them all talking again it was impossible to fix a puzzle if there were still pieces missing...or in their case if a certain hot-headed brother.

The only way they would be truly happy again was if Don got Raph back and if Mikey got Don and Raph back and if Leo got them all back...and if Raph came back at all.

Truthfully Leo could ignore the hole where Raph filled in his heart during the day easily enough by keeping up his efforts in caring for his brothers.

Only at night when his subconscious sprang to life did Leo get torn limb from limb in his dreams.

The eldest turtle was grateful that if anyone had noticed his recent tiredness that no one mentioned it.

Sometimes Leo woke up gasping as visions of Raph without a shell on his back swum back and forth in his mind.

It was then that without the daily hustle and bustle of keeping Mikey busy and checking up on Don that Leo _really_ missed his brothers.

Some nights were more graphic than others....

Some nights Leonardo woke up with wet hungry kisses and the picture of two glistening cocks dripping as the darker one moved to penetrate him behind his eyelids.

...Some nights he woke just before a red sai swung down to slash open his throat.

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Leo continued to hold their training sessions even though there was always a half-hearted feeling about the whole procedure of it now.

Training really lost its thrill when the roughest turtle wasn't around to challenge Leo or to watch Mikey whack himself over the head with his chucks or to smirk at Donnie when he foiled his own rapid strike by over-thinking the move.

Sometimes Leo stayed back and trained harder and longer like he had when he was angry and depressed after being scarred by Karai and the Shredder.

However the blue-masked ninja quickly gave up on it when the loneliness of a single set of weapons clashing against one another as well as the memories of events that had occurred in their dojo got to him.

Leo then stopped training outside of practise.

Instead Mikey and he held on to each other for dear life.

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"I miss him" Mikey said one night while Leo and he were sitting together over a bowl of over-buttered and over-salted popcorn.

"Who?" Leo asked quietly glancing down at Mikey's shiny, grease covered fingers.

They seemed to glow in front of the light of the television.

Mikey shrugged.

"You know...Raph, you, Donnie...............me and Donnie's late night kisses..."

Leo's mouth tightened as he looked down into his lap.

Making up his mind the blue-masked ninja slung an arm over Mikey's shoulder like Raph would have at such a time.

Immediately Mikey tunnelled into his bro savouring his warmth, comfort and support.

"Why do you miss me?" Leo questioned as the popcorn was rapidly vacuumed into Mike's mouth.

They both chose to ignore the unnatural shine in Mikey's large eyes and his overzealous eating.

"I'll always be here for you Mikey".

Mikey paused from his face-stuffing to look at his bro with his ice coloured eyes.

"You're not the same dude..." the orange-masked ninja said quietly, silently noticing the light creases in the blue mask that he knew were hidden bags under his big bro's eyes, "You haven't smiled since Raph left"

Leo swallowed.

...He hadn't even realised.

"What about me bro?" Mikey asked his eyes sullen and questioning.

"I miss you to Mike" Leo confirmed tightening the arm around him, "But we'll make it through this...we always do"

Mike nodded turning back to the TV blinking rapidly.

Leo nodded as the orange-masked ninja mumbled about something being in his eye.

"You are the great turtle titan and Battle Nexus champion after all" Leo reminded clearly wishing for the bright Mikey-spark as the popcorn was finished by his hand.

Immediately the youngest turtle jumped up, his entire face brightening.

"_**Dude!**_ ...I can't believe I completely forgot about all that stuff!"

He made a heroic pose.

"Evil doers beware!"

For the next few hours at least the youngest and the eldest turtles enjoyed the briefly reignited Mikey-spark.

What sort of turtle didn't love exaggerated tales of heroics and a fashion parade of orange, black and green spandex??

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Don was tempted to ask for his job back as 'Donnie the 24 hour computer technician'.

Even though he was working hard, not denying he was in denial he was missing Raph (as Leo liked to insist he was) it still didn't feel like he was doing enough.

He ignored the muffles from his two brothers in the living room who sounded like they were messing around with Mikey's old super-hero costumes.

At the moment studying the genetic makeup of prokaryotic cells and classifying them into the Monera kingdom was far more pressing than fooling around and wasting time.

The purple-masked ninja blinked in surprise as a drop of water landed on the microscope slide he was tending to.

Frowning he wondered if there was a leak in the plumbing.

Looking up and studying his ceiling's structure there seemed to be nothing working out of the ordinary.

Shrugging Don sat back down and continued with his work.

To his frustration two more drops landed again soon after ruining the specimen he was observing.

Pushing away the slide gently Don sighed.

He couldn't deny that he knew the drops _weren't_ just leaky pipes from above.

He sniffed quietly into his arms as his eyes grew red and sore.

Donatello just wanted to block it all out.

Where was Raph's manly clap on his shoulder?

Where was Leo's strong confident voice picking him back up?

Where was Mikey's large smile telling him that it was all going to be ok?

Don squeezed his eyes shut one more time before determinedly picking up his work again.

He just wanted his brothers back.

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The urge to drown himself in soap operas had never been so tempting as it was now.

Splinter knew temptation was a foe he seldom had to fight; the old rat's struggles were very telling of their entire situation, that although they appeared calm there really were problems going unresolved in their family at the moment.

His clawed hand itched to find the remote every time Michelangelo and Leonardo were not watching the television together.

There was a sense of shame every time he sat down losing himself in another reality.

Splinter knew his own actions were dangerous and could be destructive to both his family and he.

He could already tell that the balance between his sons was not right without Raphael's personality to challenge them all.

It was indeed a test for them all to find themselves with a pillar of their family missing.

And although Splinter knew that in his heart he had made the right decision in letting Raphael go it didn't stop feelings of emptiness running their course, the same demons that had plagued them all in Leonardo's absence.

Sometimes Splinter wished he was stronger, though a wry smile found its way to his mouth when he thought of his sons and their common belief that he was already perfect and invincible.

If he was stronger he wouldn't be constantly desiring to lose himself in Gilmore Girls or The young and the restless.

...

Quietly Splinter blew out the candles in front of him.

He was fighting a losing battle if he tried to remain wise and supportive for his sons yet could not himself resist the lure of daytime television.

The candle he was kneeling before smouldered in hazy protest before extinguishing leaving a small cloud of light white smoke.

It was the last candle he owned of the type Raphael enjoyed.

The scent was very telling of his son; cinnamon and liquor.

The scent reminded him greatly of his missing son, just as the ones smelling of fruit reminded him of Michelangelo, the ones of tea and bamboo reminded him of Leonardo and the candles of wood reminded him of Donatello.

There had been very few words exchanged between him and his remaining sons since their earlier talk.

In his heart Master Splinter knew that he could do no more than give his sons his honest opinion about their partnerships.

The truth was heavy but it was his burden to carry.

He could not and would not give them his full blessings.

Truth stood on one side and ease on the other as it had often been.

He could never truly approve of them, regardless of the circumstances.

They were his sons and whether the physical aspects of their blood said they were or were not actual brothers he still considered romantic bonds between them as incestuous.

He could not ignore it.

Leonardo had warned him that Michelangelo and Donatello would not accept a 'blind eye' from him.

His eldest son had been right.

Michelangelo and Donatello had been very clear in that they either wished for full acceptance or nothing at all.

...

Splinter sighed closing his eyes.

Understanding worked both ways.

Splinter wished that his sons could see their partnership in the way he did, wished they could understand how much he wished their lives happiness yet at the same time simply could not accept them in this way.

Splinter reopened his eyes and poked his nose out of his sliding door, sniffing their silent home carefully.

He was met with an empty house, his sons out of sight.

The old rat crept out and fiddled with the buttons of the television until it switched on.

'_...and we now return to Gilmore Girls..._ '

For the meantime however both he and his remaining sons would have to pull together despite their differences in opinion to keep their family alive.

Hope and pride crept into the old rat's eyes as he realised that despite the consequences, he had raised four good sons.

Now he just hoped that they could survive temporarily, with only three.

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"Donnie"

April's voice crackled over the poor quality phone line connection.

She sounded concerned.

Don, out of character and with a sinking feeling in his gut, had completely forgotten about their two friends and the fact that they had never told them about Raph's going away...

"You didn't pick up that hard drive you asked me for" April continued, "Is everything okay? You've been a bit quiet lately"

Don frowned, roughly rubbing his temples with his fingers at the impending headache that was developing.

He couldn't believe it had slipped his mind, couldn't believe they hadn't even thought of Raph's best buds when the red-masked ninja had vanished.

"I'm fine April" the purple-masked ninja said trying not to sound as if he was gritting his teeth together like he had a habit of doing.

It was one of those days where he had the increasing urge to bash his head against the wall.

"You sound a bit stressed" she said now sounding genuinely worried over their connection.

Don really needed to update their phone line sometime soon he noted absently.

The young turtle bit his lip, not replying.

"Do you want me to come around later?" she asked finally as if she couldn't think of any other way to help.

Don shook his head then realised she couldn't see what he was doing.

"No, I'll come by your house later...it's probably better you don't come here at the moment"

The moment he said it Don regretted the words coming out of his mouth.

Now April sounded even _more_ worried.

'_Stupid_' he mouthed slapping his palm over his forehead.

"Is something wrong Don? You really don't sound alright. Has something happened?"

Don slid his hand down his face realising that there was no point denying it now that he had already let the cat out of the bag.

"Raph..." the purple-masked ninja began dropping his head and looking down at his feet.

...

He cleared his throat as the words got caught.

"What about him?" April prompted carefully sounding like she was suppressing fright in her voice.

She really was a loyal devoted friend.

In that moment the Donatello realised she would do anything for them.

They were lucky to have her.

"He left" Don finally uttered, "he's gone on a mission like Leo did to rediscover himself.

...

"...W_hat?_"

Don was quiet letting the new information sink in.

"....How long is he gone for?" she asked as she regained control of her voice, sounding completely shocked.

"He said a year...but you know..."

Don was quiet trying not to shake as the headache he was trying to fend off got worse.

"Could you let Casey know as well?"

"Of course!" he heard April stutter, "But when? _Why?_ Are you guys going to be alright...it's all so sudden!"

...

"We're doing as well as we can be at the moment" Don stated though his voice sounded hollow even to his own ears.

He failed to mention Leo and Mikey's desperate closeness, Splinter's return to soap operas and the fact that just a few days ago he had been sobbing into his arms all alone in his lab.

...

"Are you sure you don't want me and Casey to come around?" the mature woman asked after he heard shuffling around behind the phone line at their long pause, "you sound like you need someone to talk to".

"I'm fine!" he insisted palming his forehead, wondering why everyone kept insisting that he needed to talk when, really he _didn't_.

"... If you're sure Don"

She sounded hesitant to let him go.

For once in his life Don had to resist rolling his eyes at her caring personality.

Once upon a time her care for them had been one of the things Don had found himself most attracted to.

"...Look I'll see you later April" he said curtly just wanting to hold up before his headache became more than he could handle.

There was something sinister and aching and ear-splitting about the pain that made the smart turtle feel thoroughly sick.

"-Wait Don!"

_Click._

Donatello knew he would feel bad about cutting her off later and would probably ring back to apologize.

....At the moment he didn't care, he just wanted to get back to his lab and take some medicine.

As Donnie passed by the kitchen he saw Mikey's calendar with large red X's marking off the days until Raph's return.

His gaze lingered on it momentarily....

Don snorted, walking away.

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